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Why does this make me crazy? BM being in my home.

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My DH and his ex wife are finally on better terms and can talk about the kids without fighting.  For the last few weeks they have been meeting weekly for about 15 minutes to talk about the kids (sd 4, and ss 3).  They have been doing this at our house typically while I'm off to pick up my BD.  I thought this would be okay...I was wrong. 

This last week when BD and I arrived home they were still meeting.  I pulled into the garage and BM was coming out the door to the garage because SD wanted to greet us.  Which she can do by herself but anyway.  I said hello as did my BD and then BM went back in the house and closed the door.  When we came in the house BM was still talking with DH and chatting it up about some event she went to the other night without the kids.  Then she leaves and instead of going out the door she came in, she went out the back door, thru the back yard like she owns the place.  I'm not sure why she went that way...very strange.

I know none of this is horrible, but each time I come home when they are meeting I feel like an outsider in my own home.  We barely get greeted by my DH or the skids since they are all talking...he does say hello, but it's not like normal.  She demands a lot of attention when she is around, it's just her personality and I am not that way so it's tough to come into my own home and be hijacked by the ex wife. 

I'm sure I'm being crazy, but it's really bothering me.  Any help, suggestions or guidance would be great.  I'm tired of feeling frustrated everytime they drop off and meet. 

And is it bad if I don't want her in my home?  Maybe that is what is bothering me so much.

by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:48 AM
Replies (11-20):
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jul. 30, 2012 at 1:51 PM

I don't like BM coming into my house either.  But if fiance' and BM need to talk about the girls, they do it on the phone or via email.

dallas4nu
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 1:58 PM
Ugggh I would so NOT be ok with that. It's more of a respect issue. And boundary (or lack thereof) issue.


Why can't they do this over the phone?? My so would cringe if bm even asked to talk in person lol
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pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 2:15 PM
It is your home, your turf.

Pee on it. Seriously. You should not feel like an outsider in your own home. And she should not treat your home so casually. Did she ever live there?

If they choose to meet in your home, then you have every right to simply sit down and be there.

I had to ban BF from my home (used to be our home)after he left because he had no boundaries. Felt he could just walk in and go through the mail. It had to be that way for a couple of years.

We invited BM over once for SSs birthday. She walked in and acted like it was her home. Last time she was invited over for anything.


Quoting whatIknownow:

If I came home and she was still there, I'd treat her like any other visitor. I'd greet her, and sit down next to her and join the conversation.


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pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 2:17 PM
Seriously? Your husband needs a chaperone to be inside with another woman? That must suck for you.


Quoting Bells2000:

id have issues with her being in your house with dh.



i just dont think any respectful friend/neighbor/whatever thats female should be home alone/without another adult with a married man.



they should talk outside.



and dh should be able to greet you normal.

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OregonMom80
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 2:51 PM

BM came into our home once.  She wanted to talk to DH, so he asked and I said it was ok.  I came home & she was still there.  She gave me a dirty look the second I walked in and said that I didn't need to be included in the conversation since it was their kid.  Fine, but you're in my living room.  I told DH they could finish their conversation and I'd be in making dinner like usual.  Clearly that wasn't far enough for her, so she went out back with him . . . ironically enough right under the open kitchen window where I could hear everything.

She complained later that I made her feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in the home.  I just laughed when DH told me that and suggested he tell her they could meet somewhere neutral then if she doesn't like how I act in my own home.  She won't even come to the door now and just calls DH from the street when she picks up DSS since he wouldn't promise her only he would answer the door.  Apparently answering the door to the home I live in is unacceptable.  I just find it childish and a bit funny.

Bells2000
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 4:19 PM
eh, i never said dh had to have a chaperon.

i just respect my friends and neighbors that if i go to visit them and they arent home... I leave. I have no need or interest in one on one time with someone elses so.

i just think if the op is not comfortable in her own home, the bm /whoever has no reason to be there alone. I can see where issues can pop up, especially if the lady of the house cant even get a proper greeting from her hubby..... Because he is too engaged with an ex.
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2bkayleesmommy
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 4:23 PM
BM isn't even allowed in the apartment building cause she is a crazy b*tch and stalks me! If they need to talk to do it @ pick up/drop off or via txt
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YesImMomToo
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 4:41 PM
Nothing wrong with making your home a bm free enviornment. Kids will have plenty of opportunities to see their parents work together at school functions, etc...

Even if bm in our situation was sweet as pie she still wouldnt be allowed past driveway on our property.
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blondieof3kids
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 5:04 PM

clappingYou took the words right out of my mouth!!!!

Quoting Bells2000:

id have issues with her being in your house with dh.

i just dont think any respectful friend/neighbor/whatever thats female should be home alone/without another adult with a married man.

they should talk outside.

and dh should be able to greet you normal.


8sEnuff
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 5:16 PM

BUMP!

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