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She thinks I disrespected her house..

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BM had dsd this weekend and extra day. It happened to be a work day. I was already in the city and DH was meeting me there. The baby needed to be picked up though. So, in effort just to keep us all together and not get lost going over to BM's new house, I had to follow. We pull up, and she brings the baby out. Then she spots me in my car, and starts going off at my DH. Saying "oh thats how it is"? She then continues to scream and yell and call his phone back to back after we left. DH initailly asked me to go park at the gas station so there would not be "any drama". WHAT?!?! Are you serious?!? He was trying to push me off, and it pissed me off. So I followed anyways. Some things just need to be put on front street and I refuse to walk on egg shells because I don't want to cause any drama. Was I wrong for this? I told DH to get a f'in backbone or he will be seeing me walk right out this door. Should I really have stayed by the gas station, in the dark, just because he didn't want her to see me? I take full care of his daughter when he is at work, does that not matter?? I'm so pissed.

by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 1:34 PM
Replies (111-120):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:33 PM


Quoting Pero1:


Quoting laughnchica:

I don't understand why its offensive to be called a "lucky b*tch"...do you? 

If you (OP) get so heated about someone over the internet calling you a lucky b*tch (which is a good thing)....how did you respond when the BM freaked out in person on you??


Nope, I don't! What I'm starting to get though is why DH was so adamant the OP should stay behind at the gas station!

It has become pretty obvious.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:38 PM

Them's fightin' words!  Let's wrassle!!!

Quoting whatIknownow:


Quoting nikkib2012:

Lucky b*tch? You're lucky you said that behind a computer.


Quoting Pero1:



Quoting nikkib2012:

Inadequate no, never that, but pushed to the side when it's convenient for my DH I will not allow.

Your husband, Nikki, didn't push you to one side ... your husband was trying to protect you and his child .... plus, he probably wanted to maintain the harmony in your household .... as opposed to having to watch his wife vent for hours and hours on the internet.


You know, you are actually a really lucky b*tch, you just don't know it! We keep going on and on and on on here about husbands who don't have a set of balls and how they let their wives deal with all the shit! Yours got a pair and you don't see it!


why is she lucky she said that behind a computer?


leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:46 PM
I don't know about lucky b*tch but dumb b*tch seems more like it.
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Pero1
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:48 PM


Quoting leegirl_jm:

I don't know about lucky b*tch but dumb b*tch seems more like it.


Duck behind the screen, hun!

laughnchica
by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:48 PM
Ooooohhhhh boy. If Pero was lucky for saying lucky b*tch...imagine what's going to happen to you! ;-)


Quoting leegirl_jm:

I don't know about lucky b*tch but dumb b*tch seems more like it.

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leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:53 PM
I am glad I am behind my BB, I am so scared. Her poor DH, he has two nutbags on his hands.
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OregonMom80
by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Here's the deal - I am in no way a timid person.  I speak my mind and deal with issues in a direct manner.  This works well with DH and I . . . it does NOT work well with BM.  In the beginning I thought like you - that BM had to accept that I was in DSS's life and that we all needed to respect each other for DSS's sake.  Well, you CANNOT force another person to do anything.  You might show up for every single p/u and d/o until SD is 18 and BM might yell and scream every time.  You have zero control over her behavior and just because you think she needs to accept you doesn't mean it will ever happen.  The sooner you let go of the idea that you can make BM think or feel or do anything, the better your life is going to be.

The reality that I learned was that by doing things that I knew would piss BM off, she screamed and yelled at DH and tried to make his life miserable.  In my mind I was asserting my rights, but I realized one day as we were sitting there stressed out and DH and I were on the outs, that in reality BM was "winning" because I was allowing her to create issues in our home with our family by butting heads with her.  Do I have the right to do whatever I want?  Sure.  But the people I care about - DH and DSS were suffering because of it.  And so was I.  We were all stressed out, BM was interfering with DH's parenting time and DH and I were fighting because of it.  And for what?  What was I really gaining from it?  Nothing.  I pissed BM off, which gave me a bit of satisfaction because she's such a witch, but that's a childish motivation.  I wasn't helping my husband and him allowing me to do whatever I want - well, maybe it proved something to BM, but why do I need to prove anything to her?  I know my DH loves me and says that he's actually grateful BM divorced him now because he says I am a superior wife in every way.  Even if he told her that to her face though, what would that really gain me?  She may or may not believe it and it will just piss her off and cause issues.  I have nothing to prove to that woman.  I know where I stand with my husband.  If my DH asks me to not come or not take part in a conversation, it would never cross my mind that he was doing it "for her" because he isn't.  He's doing it to try to keep the peace for his son, he's doing it because we've both decided that it does me no good to be in the middle of their drama and it causes me stress for no reason.  He tries to keep the peace with BM because it is what is best for his son, for me, and for him.

If he could fight with BM and shelter all of us but her from the fallout, he'd happily do it, but that isn't possible.  And BM may feel she's "won" because I stay out of everything with her and DH now from her perspective, but what she thinks is going on doesn't matter to me because I know the truth.  DH talks to me about everything before he makes any agreements with her, even about what he would compromise on and what he would hold his ground on in court.  We have jointly decided on how we want to raise our kids and DSS is raised in our home accordingly.  I know every detail about her son that DH knows.  And so if BM believes she's won and succeed in keeping me at a distance, well then I guess the joke is on her because that isn't true at all.  I am part of a family with DH and DSS.  DSS never sees me fight with BM or say anything bad about her, but he hears negative from BM and all that has led to is DSS being more distant with her and wanting more time at our house because nobody fights and he likes it better at our house.  Don't play the game because no matter how much time you take care of the child, if you fight with the child's mother you will be the one who loses in the child's affection and esteem.  It also made it where it was unclear in DH's mind who the problem was between BM and me.  When I pulled myself out, it made it clear again that, oh yeah, she's the crazy one.

nikkib2012
by Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 3:02 PM
Thank you I like your view.


Quoting OregonMom80:

Here's the deal - I am in no way a timid person.  I speak my mind and deal with issues in a direct manner.  This works well with DH and I . . . it does NOT work well with BM.  In the beginning I thought like you - that BM had to accept that I was in DSS's life and that we all needed to respect each other for DSS's sake.  Well, you CANNOT force another person to do anything.  You might show up for every single p/u and d/o until SD is 18 and BM might yell and scream every time.  You have zero control over her behavior and just because you think she needs to accept you doesn't mean it will ever happen.  The sooner you let go of the idea that you can make BM think or feel or do anything, the better your life is going to be.


The reality that I learned was that by doing things that I knew would piss BM off, she screamed and yelled at DH and tried to make his life miserable.  In my mind I was asserting my rights, but I realized one day as we were sitting there stressed out and DH and I were on the outs, that in reality BM was "winning" because I was allowing her to create issues in our home with our family by butting heads with her.  Do I have the right to do whatever I want?  Sure.  But the people I care about - DH and DSS were suffering because of it.  And so was I.  We were all stressed out, BM was interfering with DH's parenting time and DH and I were fighting because of it.  And for what?  What was I really gaining from it?  Nothing.  I pissed BM off, which gave me a bit of satisfaction because she's such a witch, but that's a childish motivation.  I wasn't helping my husband and him allowing me to do whatever I want - well, maybe it proved something to BM, but why do I need to prove anything to her?  I know my DH loves me and says that he's actually grateful BM divorced him now because he says I am a superior wife in every way.  Even if he told her that to her face though, what would that really gain me?  She may or may not believe it and it will just piss her off and cause issues.  I have nothing to prove to that woman.  I know where I stand with my husband.  If my DH asks me to not come or not take part in a conversation, it would never cross my mind that he was doing it "for her" because he isn't.  He's doing it to try to keep the peace for his son, he's doing it because we've both decided that it does me no good to be in the middle of their drama and it causes me stress for no reason.  He tries to keep the peace with BM because it is what is best for his son, for me, and for him.


If he could fight with BM and shelter all of us but her from the fallout, he'd happily do it, but that isn't possible.  And BM may feel she's "won" because I stay out of everything with her and DH now from her perspective, but what she thinks is going on doesn't matter to me because I know the truth.  DH talks to me about everything before he makes any agreements with her, even about what he would compromise on and what he would hold his ground on in court.  We have jointly decided on how we want to raise our kids and DSS is raised in our home accordingly.  I know every detail about her son that DH knows.  And so if BM believes she's won and succeed in keeping me at a distance, well then I guess the joke is on her because that isn't true at all.  I am part of a family with DH and DSS.  DSS never sees me fight with BM or say anything bad about her, but he hears negative from BM and all that has led to is DSS being more distant with her and wanting more time at our house because nobody fights and he likes it better at our house.  Don't play the game because no matter how much time you take care of the child, if you fight with the child's mother you will be the one who loses in the child's affection and esteem.  It also made it where it was unclear in DH's mind who the problem was between BM and me.  When I pulled myself out, it made it clear again that, oh yeah, she's the crazy one.


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pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 3:19 PM
1 mom liked this
So true.

Our stories are so similar. Must be the weather.


Quoting OregonMom80:

Here's the deal - I am in no way a timid person.  I speak my mind and deal with issues in a direct manner.  This works well with DH and I . . . it does NOT work well with BM.  In the beginning I thought like you - that BM had to accept that I was in DSS's life and that we all needed to respect each other for DSS's sake.  Well, you CANNOT force another person to do anything.  You might show up for every single p/u and d/o until SD is 18 and BM might yell and scream every time.  You have zero control over her behavior and just because you think she needs to accept you doesn't mean it will ever happen.  The sooner you let go of the idea that you can make BM think or feel or do anything, the better your life is going to be.


The reality that I learned was that by doing things that I knew would piss BM off, she screamed and yelled at DH and tried to make his life miserable.  In my mind I was asserting my rights, but I realized one day as we were sitting there stressed out and DH and I were on the outs, that in reality BM was "winning" because I was allowing her to create issues in our home with our family by butting heads with her.  Do I have the right to do whatever I want?  Sure.  But the people I care about - DH and DSS were suffering because of it.  And so was I.  We were all stressed out, BM was interfering with DH's parenting time and DH and I were fighting because of it.  And for what?  What was I really gaining from it?  Nothing.  I pissed BM off, which gave me a bit of satisfaction because she's such a witch, but that's a childish motivation.  I wasn't helping my husband and him allowing me to do whatever I want - well, maybe it proved something to BM, but why do I need to prove anything to her?  I know my DH loves me and says that he's actually grateful BM divorced him now because he says I am a superior wife in every way.  Even if he told her that to her face though, what would that really gain me?  She may or may not believe it and it will just piss her off and cause issues.  I have nothing to prove to that woman.  I know where I stand with my husband.  If my DH asks me to not come or not take part in a conversation, it would never cross my mind that he was doing it "for her" because he isn't.  He's doing it to try to keep the peace for his son, he's doing it because we've both decided that it does me no good to be in the middle of their drama and it causes me stress for no reason.  He tries to keep the peace with BM because it is what is best for his son, for me, and for him.


If he could fight with BM and shelter all of us but her from the fallout, he'd happily do it, but that isn't possible.  And BM may feel she's "won" because I stay out of everything with her and DH now from her perspective, but what she thinks is going on doesn't matter to me because I know the truth.  DH talks to me about everything before he makes any agreements with her, even about what he would compromise on and what he would hold his ground on in court.  We have jointly decided on how we want to raise our kids and DSS is raised in our home accordingly.  I know every detail about her son that DH knows.  And so if BM believes she's won and succeed in keeping me at a distance, well then I guess the joke is on her because that isn't true at all.  I am part of a family with DH and DSS.  DSS never sees me fight with BM or say anything bad about her, but he hears negative from BM and all that has led to is DSS being more distant with her and wanting more time at our house because nobody fights and he likes it better at our house.  Don't play the game because no matter how much time you take care of the child, if you fight with the child's mother you will be the one who loses in the child's affection and esteem.  It also made it where it was unclear in DH's mind who the problem was between BM and me.  When I pulled myself out, it made it clear again that, oh yeah, she's the crazy one.


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laughnchica
by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 3:25 PM
Thank you for this perspective. It really clicks in my mind and I think I'm going to work on keeping this mindset.
So thanks!


Quoting OregonMom80:

Here's the deal - I am in no way a timid person.  I speak my mind and deal with issues in a direct manner.  This works well with DH and I . . . it does NOT work well with BM.  In the beginning I thought like you - that BM had to accept that I was in DSS's life and that we all needed to respect each other for DSS's sake.  Well, you CANNOT force another person to do anything.  You might show up for every single p/u and d/o until SD is 18 and BM might yell and scream every time.  You have zero control over her behavior and just because you think she needs to accept you doesn't mean it will ever happen.  The sooner you let go of the idea that you can make BM think or feel or do anything, the better your life is going to be.


The reality that I learned was that by doing things that I knew would piss BM off, she screamed and yelled at DH and tried to make his life miserable.  In my mind I was asserting my rights, but I realized one day as we were sitting there stressed out and DH and I were on the outs, that in reality BM was "winning" because I was allowing her to create issues in our home with our family by butting heads with her.  Do I have the right to do whatever I want?  Sure.  But the people I care about - DH and DSS were suffering because of it.  And so was I.  We were all stressed out, BM was interfering with DH's parenting time and DH and I were fighting because of it.  And for what?  What was I really gaining from it?  Nothing.  I pissed BM off, which gave me a bit of satisfaction because she's such a witch, but that's a childish motivation.  I wasn't helping my husband and him allowing me to do whatever I want - well, maybe it proved something to BM, but why do I need to prove anything to her?  I know my DH loves me and says that he's actually grateful BM divorced him now because he says I am a superior wife in every way.  Even if he told her that to her face though, what would that really gain me?  She may or may not believe it and it will just piss her off and cause issues.  I have nothing to prove to that woman.  I know where I stand with my husband.  If my DH asks me to not come or not take part in a conversation, it would never cross my mind that he was doing it "for her" because he isn't.  He's doing it to try to keep the peace for his son, he's doing it because we've both decided that it does me no good to be in the middle of their drama and it causes me stress for no reason.  He tries to keep the peace with BM because it is what is best for his son, for me, and for him.


If he could fight with BM and shelter all of us but her from the fallout, he'd happily do it, but that isn't possible.  And BM may feel she's "won" because I stay out of everything with her and DH now from her perspective, but what she thinks is going on doesn't matter to me because I know the truth.  DH talks to me about everything before he makes any agreements with her, even about what he would compromise on and what he would hold his ground on in court.  We have jointly decided on how we want to raise our kids and DSS is raised in our home accordingly.  I know every detail about her son that DH knows.  And so if BM believes she's won and succeed in keeping me at a distance, well then I guess the joke is on her because that isn't true at all.  I am part of a family with DH and DSS.  DSS never sees me fight with BM or say anything bad about her, but he hears negative from BM and all that has led to is DSS being more distant with her and wanting more time at our house because nobody fights and he likes it better at our house.  Don't play the game because no matter how much time you take care of the child, if you fight with the child's mother you will be the one who loses in the child's affection and esteem.  It also made it where it was unclear in DH's mind who the problem was between BM and me.  When I pulled myself out, it made it clear again that, oh yeah, she's the crazy one.


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