I am a 36 year old mother of a 6 year old boy from a previous marriage and a step mom to 14 year girl. I married my husband about 3 years ago. My stepdaughters mom moved about 1300 miles away 2 years ago and I have been raising my 14 year old stepdaughter full time since. My husband and his daughter have always had what he calls a "special relationship". They are always all over each other, hugs, kisses, rubs, hand holding. While she was younger it was cute but now that she is older it just seems so inappropriate. I can't come within a foot of my husband without my step daughter coming between us to give him kisses, hold his hand, rubbing his thigh;I've tried talking to my husband but he seems clueless. He tells me I'm just jealous of their relationship. We are going on vacation next week and we are staying in a one bed hotel with a pull out coach. My husband explained that our room only has one bed and asked that I sleep with my son on the coach so that he and his daughter can share the bed since his daughter would be uncomfortable sharing a bed with my six year old son. This is not the first time I have been asked to give up my martial bed to accommodate my step daughter. I told my husband in no uncertain terms that I would not give up my place in my martial bed to sleep on a pull out coach. My husband made the concession and paid extra to have a roll-a-way bed placed in our room.
My problem is that he did not see anything wrong with sharing a bed with his 14year old daughter. My relationship with my husband has become really strained in the last two years. When my step daughter's mom left my step daughter has had to have constant affection from her dad. I understood that need in the beginning but I can't take it any more. I see the two of them on the coach laying side by side or in the pool with their legs wrapped around each other and I don't know whether to scream, call the cops, or call a therapist for the entire family. I can't sit beside my husband in a restaurant because my step daughter doesn't want to sit beside my son. When I come home I find my husband laying in bed with my stepdaughter while my son sits alone watching TV in the living room. If we go out for family trips I can't even stand beside my husband because his daughter will edge her body between ours, grab his hand, and I am but a distant memory watching them have fun together. I've tried talking to my husband multiple times but he thinks I'm "jealous and that his daughter is naive and young and really doesn't know she is doing anything wrong". My problem is that he knows its wrong and that the relationship is unhealthy but he says his daughter needs him more then I do.
At this point I feel like my husband has completely abandoned me and has no compassion for my wants and needs as both a woman and wife. I watch my husband deal out affection and love towards a teenage girl all day, holding her hand, rubbing her back, brushing her hair, that by the end of the day I really don't even want him touching me. Before we got married they were showering together and she would sleep in his bed but I put a stop to that with a quickness. Just as important, I am having trouble relating to and enjoying my stepdaughter. I hate to see her coming most of the time because I know as soon as she come in the room myself and my son with not be seen or heard. Am I alone, has this ever happened to anyone else? Am I losing my mind? Am I jealous of a 14year old girl? Help!!!!!!!!!!