What to do when his family doesnt treat all the kids as equals....
My boyfriend and I moved into a house together with our Five children ages 2 through 7 a couple months ago. We have a lot of family involvement from my mom, his mom and his sister. It just doesnt seem like his sister respects that we are trying to do the same things with all the kids. She also watches all the kids for us 2 days a week, while my mom watches them 3 days a week. We will call his sister, Sara. Sara will give his two older kids, Paige 4, and Aidan 6 goals to meet, but not the other kids and they will get treats or toys in return for meeting their goals. Sara will also come take just his 2 older kids, Paige and Aidan, and take them to do fun things or go shopping when my mom is at the house with the other 3. My oldest, Zoe 7, has really started to get upset over this. Yes there are times when my ex or my ex's mom will take only my 2 and they will get toys or clothes, but they leave them at their house so we dont have to worry about sharing and feelings being hurt. From what my mom says his sister gets the kids toys or treats or clothes at least once a week. I dont see it as much because by the time we get home from work it has been put away...and honestly his kids have so much stuff that I dont notice if there are new things.
I have talked to my boyfriend briefly...we will talk more tonight. But his sister has had to be more of a mother figure for some time because my BF's ex wife was a drug addict, well is still as far as I know. Anyways, Sara is very defensive and sensitive about her involvement with the kids and I think she feels threatened sometimes now that i am so involved and a mother figure to her niece and nephews. It just doesnt seem like she gets it, even though she has a background in working with troubled kids and issues like this. Its a sticky situation, but I really will not let it hurt my kids.
I also do not want to cause any issues with my BF's family. I want us to eventually get married and I want to have a good relationship with them and dont want to make problems between him and his family.
Well that is my current issue.....I am welcome to suggestions on how to handle this!