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My absence.....new CO, possible miscarriage, ? for BMs? or everyone, really

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 7:41 PM
  • 35 Replies

The past week has been a complete emotional rollercoaster!

First, so as not to make this TOO OT, we got our copy of the new CO in the mail, everything we wanted joint custody wise, and if BM tries to pull her "homeschool" bs again we will get him even more if not primary.  SS will be here Friday, YIPPEEE!  BM and her mom are driving down with him but they are staying at a hotel, and SS is staying here.  We get him for a week, and then he goes back to start school. and we start the new regular custody plan Jan 1st. 

Thats the UP part.

 

heres the down up down up down up down up part that is OT.....

2 weeks ago we got our positive HPT....8 of them lol....this past tuesday I started bleeding and cramping.  Off to the ER we went.  Ultrasound showed basically nothing.  No visible pregnancy, no remains, etc.  HCG level was 129.  At that point the ER doctor told us that it was POSSIBLE that I was just super early in my pregnancy, like 2-3 weeks, so they couldnt see on u/s, but that he thought I was probably miscarrying.  obviously I was heartbroken, and so was J.  We've planned for this baby for 2 years, financially and emotionally, its been a long ride for us.

I called my OB and she put in an order for me to have a repeat HCG on friday(yesterday).  three days after the ER visit.  Since tuesday I have still had spotting and mild cramping.  The only time I have had any actual bright red blood or clots though is first thing in the AM when I get up.  So yesterdays results came back, and my HCG was 277!  So my OB says that is a good sign, but she is still concerned about the spotting so I will be repeating my hcg tests every 3 days for probably at least a week and a half.  She said as far as she is concerned I am still pregnant, and she is treating me that way, and that I am likely only a few weeks along instead of the 4-6 like I thought. 

Which is possible, I guess, because we were trying to get preg so we were testing every week, and the first positives I got were REALLY light.

Have any of you ever had bleeding like this in the first few weeks of pregnancy, and or a low hcg level?

 

To turn it back around to steplife, DD knows I am preg, shes  smart girl and caught on pretty quick even though we werent telling her yet lol....so now we are talking about how to tell SS.  we cant NOT tell him, because DD will! shes super excited about it.

We are thinking about just taking the kids to dinner or something and telling SS then.  I think he will be ok with it.  We dont want to tell BM first though because we know she will tell him first and probably make it into something negative for him before we can even talk to him about it. 

Would you as a BM want to know that your ex was having a new baby, before your child was told?  Would you feel that you had a "right" to be there when your child is told about their coming sibling?

I probably wont be on much Im tryingt o take it easy, relax, drink tons of water, and eat all this Jell-O im craving (I havent eaten this crap in years but it tastes soooooo good! But opinions and ideas to all of the above would be appreciated!

*ETA* we will be having three more doc visits to confirm this pregnancy before we tell SS....we probabl would have waited longer but that is no longer an option since DD knows.

 

by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 7:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
angelmommy2806
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 7:54 PM
Personally I wouldn't tell Bm if I was pregnant. If the skids told her that's one thing, but I wouldn't go out of my way to.
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rose0919
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:01 PM

honestly as bm i wouldnt care if xh was having another child. so i would be fine if dd knew befor me., 

and will keep you in my prayers that you have a healthy preganacy!

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:01 PM


Quoting angelmommy2806:

Personally I wouldn't tell Bm if I was pregnant. If the skids told her that's one thing, but I wouldn't go out of my way to.

As a BM how would you feel if your kids were like "oh yeah were getting a new baby brother/sister from dad/SM!"?

 

J wants to try as hard as he can to keep things civil with BM...I agree but I also think its inevitable that she will flip her mental switch and go apeshit anyway.

She used to show SS pictures of J and DD (who is not his bio dd) and tell SS that J didnt love him anymore and had a new kid now.  She stopped that(as far was we know) after a judge gave her a verbal asswhipping for it.Thankfully it wasnt too late for DD and SS to develop a good bond, they adore each other. 

TempestRayne
by Donna on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:03 PM

I have no real advice for you on how to tell BM.  My hubby ended up telling my DSD because she was curious about why I was sick all the time, every time she came over. So, DH told her, but told her to let HIM tell her mom. Guess what happes the second my DSD walked into the door at her house?

"Guess what Mom! I am going to have a baby brother or sister!"

*facepalm*

I am a big fan of making sure to tell the important people before they find out from other people. My kids' teachers new because my kids were starting to act a little off in class (nt having homework not having supplies, etc) so I had to tell them (They all called to ask if everythng was okay since we are usually on the spot, lol). I did ask them not to noise it around at the school since my MIL works there, and my DH hadn't told them yet. Well, one of my son's teachers (he has four or five every year because of his disability) mentioned something to my MIL about it in the break room.....my MIL was surprised to say the least. She texted my (then BF, now hubby) to ask him what the heck the teacher was talking about.  Long story short, he had been waiting until we were absolutely one hundred percent sure I was pregnant (Hearing the heartbeat and seeing an ultrasound) before telling them (he was also afraid to tell them because they did not take it well when they found out about DSD-another long story there), and luckily had my first appointment that day to do al that-hear the heartbeat (we got a recording of it), and get an ultrasound done.

They were again not happy, but got that way pretty quickly, [articularly when they foud out we planned to get married soon after the baby was born.


Anyway, make sure that you tell the people you feel need to know, before you tell the kids. the kids will probably tell on you, lol.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:11 PM
Couldn't get past the low HCG levels. Have you been screened for an ectopic pregnancy?

Sounds like me back in 1988...
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luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:23 PM


Quoting pdxmum:

Couldn't get past the low HCG levels. Have you been screened for an ectopic pregnancy?

Sounds like me back in 1988...


Yes they did a complete ultrasound, doc said that doesnt appear to be the problem. 

I will be seeing my OB monday and probably having another US in addition to the blood test.

 

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:25 PM

Given that bm has a history of being negative and crazy, J said he is probably going to wait until we have SS, and then call bm and say "hey, just wanted to let you know that Lucky and I are having a baby, we are going to tell SS tonight at dinner, but I thought Id give you a heads up".....

I think she will go apeshit if he does that though....I think she will go apeshit no matter what...ugh.

Quoting TempestRayne:

I have no real advice for you on how to tell BM.  My hubby ended up telling my DSD because she was curious about why I was sick all the time, every time she came over. So, DH told her, but told her to let HIM tell her mom. Guess what happes the second my DSD walked into the door at her house?

"Guess what Mom! I am going to have a baby brother or sister!"

*facepalm*

I am a big fan of making sure to tell the important people before they find out from other people. My kids' teachers new because my kids were starting to act a little off in class (nt having homework not having supplies, etc) so I had to tell them (They all called to ask if everythng was okay since we are usually on the spot, lol). I did ask them not to noise it around at the school since my MIL works there, and my DH hadn't told them yet. Well, one of my son's teachers (he has four or five every year because of his disability) mentioned something to my MIL about it in the break room.....my MIL was surprised to say the least. She texted my (then BF, now hubby) to ask him what the heck the teacher was talking about.  Long story short, he had been waiting until we were absolutely one hundred percent sure I was pregnant (Hearing the heartbeat and seeing an ultrasound) before telling them (he was also afraid to tell them because they did not take it well when they found out about DSD-another long story there), and luckily had my first appointment that day to do al that-hear the heartbeat (we got a recording of it), and get an ultrasound done.

They were again not happy, but got that way pretty quickly, [articularly when they foud out we planned to get married soon after the baby was born.

 

Anyway, make sure that you tell the people you feel need to know, before you tell the kids. the kids will probably tell on you, lol.


boysmom5
by Bronze Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:29 PM
As a BM and a SM, I don't feel it's any of my business if xh is having another baby or if DH's ex is having another baby.
I'll say a prayer for you and your new little one.
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angelmommy2806
by on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:29 PM
We do not have a good relationship with Bm. Honestly I'd rather hear it from the kids.

Quoting luckystars2012:



Quoting angelmommy2806:

Personally I wouldn't tell Bm if I was pregnant. If the skids told her that's one thing, but I wouldn't go out of my way to.

As a BM how would you feel if your kids were like "oh yeah were getting a new baby brother/sister from dad/SM!"?


 


J wants to try as hard as he can to keep things civil with BM...I agree but I also think its inevitable that she will flip her mental switch and go apeshit anyway.


She used to show SS pictures of J and DD (who is not his bio dd) and tell SS that J didnt love him anymore and had a new kid now.  She stopped that(as far was we know) after a judge gave her a verbal asswhipping for it.Thankfully it wasnt too late for DD and SS to develop a good bond, they adore each other. 

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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2012 at 8:37 PM
I don't need to know if my ex and his wife get pregnant. It's not any of my business and has nothing to do with me. Just like when I was pg, it was none of my ex's business. Of course they tried to use my pregnancy against me since I had some high risk stuff happen but none of that worked out for them. They took me to court on contempt while I was on bedrest. Talk about a mad judge. Anyway - unless you have a good relationship and usually share information like that, it's not the other person's business (in my opinion) it changes nothing. It has no barring on SS and his mother other than SS is going to be a big brother!!
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