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9-Yr-Old SD Acting Too Sexy

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I have a question.  My little SD who just turned 9 has been doing these sexy dances around the house and whenever she's somewhere that music is playing.  It looks like stripper dancing- it's awful, especially to be seeing my little SD doing it!  We have a Christian home, attend church, keep the children active in church, she is around her grandparents who reinforce godly values... We also monitor what she watches on tv (because even some of the stuff on the 'kids' networks is junk.)  She gets plenty of one-on-one time with her daddy - I encourage it often.  She's been doing this since she was 6.  She's been boy-crazy since she was 6.  But it's gotten worse.  Her dad just shakes his head, doesn't really know what to do except censor what she takes in when she's home with us.  Thank goodness she has not been in cheer or dance, or it would be worse.  But she has been begging her bio mom so much and has been trying to keep up with the stepsister over at her bio mom's house, that she has talked DH into putting her into dance classes this fall.  I think he's going to have a battle on his hands.

I'm so tired of seeing this baby act sexy and try to grow up waaaaaaaaaaaay too fast.  I try to teach her godly values and teach her modesty all the time.  

 (Thank goodness my bio kids are boys!  Boys are so wonderful- they're never trying to be sexy and grow up too fast... They just want to be fed, want their toys, and need their mama's love and they're happy! )

But how do I handle this? We've tried ignoring it, and that doesn't help.  When DH tells her "Stop dancing like that", she says "Stop dancing like what?"  Then he has to say the obvious: "Stop dancing sexy", and then she gets this feindish delight on her face when she hears him say the word "sexy" as if she delights in her dad seeing her as sexy or something.  Weird. She's only 9!  She's been doing it since 6!  And Dh gives her PLENTY of attention and one-on-one time, compliments her for her good values like her grades, her friendliness to other children, etc.... So I know that he (and we) are reinforcing the right values to her.

 Anyway, when I talk to SD about it, she just smirks at me, yet eventually continues to do it anyway. And my DH has a pretty lame approach cause it keeps going on...

by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:30 AM
Replies (21-30):
pokey-pwa
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 6:55 PM
Maybe your DH should say "stop dancing inappropriately" an not use the word "sexy"

I think dance classes would do her good. She obviously like to dance, let someone teach her age appropriate moves.
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JimandSmalls
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 8:35 PM

 I think it is bs that you came on here for advice and some ladies are misconstruing the way you think and are attacking you. This should be a safe place for you to come and get good advice.

I have 2 SD myself ages 6 and 8. I have the same problem, yet DH and his EX see no problem with it. They live with BM. BM likes to go clubbing so... yeah, anyways, I can't necessarily blame her. Society especially where we live is part of the blame.

Back to my SD's there is a song that they love to sing, and they sing it because they know it makes my skin crawl. It peeves me off to no end to hear them sing it. It's by LMFAO the main choirs of the song is "I'm SEXY and I know it!" I have issues with little ones dancing like whores and calling themselves sexy. I feel that society itself is causing our children to grow up way too fast. It's very sad.

My DH thinks I over react, but they do it everywhere... it's so embarrassing. Plus I swear I saw some old pervy man checking them out. It gave me the willies!

So, I can totally sympathize and empathize with you and your DH. And I'm not even religious. Lol

Dance class or cheer would be awesome for your SD. If you find the right class there will be no "sexy" dance moves. It is all choreographed, and if you have a problem with a particular dance move you can talk to your SD's dance instructor to see if S/He will modify that particular section. This will allow for less improve on your SD's part... meaning her signature dance moves will be left out.

Plus Cheer and Dance (in the right class) will offer self-esteem values for SD, a community for you and SD, goals, health, and over all well being. It's really not a bad thing if you can find the class or group that shares your family's values. It's out there. Just look! 

 I find my DS trying to join in my SDs' fun. He mimics them. We have a word that we use that he understands. I can tell him that is "inappropriate". He will immediately stop because he knows he should not do it. It is a word I have used with him all of his life and he gets it.

It's sad that I have to allow the girls to do things, yet he cannot do things that they do because they are being inappropriate. One day when he is older I am sure he will get it.

The nice thing about the word "inappropriate" is that it covers a wide spectrum of things. My son understands it means: its wrong, its not meant for his age...he shouldn't do it. the list goes on and he gets it. Maybe you should talk to your DH about using "inappropriate" rather than sexy.


            Good luck to you!!!


E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:14 PM

OP..girls will be girls! Dancing was my life! Let her dance, it's an awesome outlet.

Quoting sandeeyo:


Quoting FrillyMama:

 

Quoting sandeeyo:


Quoting FrillyMama:


 (Thank goodness my bio kids are boys!  Boys are so wonderful- they're never trying to be sexy and grow up too fast... They just want to be fed, want their toys, and need their mama's love and they're happy! )

Nope they don't want to be sexy...they just want to have sex.

 Ok, you got me there!  :) LOL  That is true about teenage boys.  We just have to instill our values into them!  And in our family, that means a Christian home and going to church.... Thank goodness since mine are still only 5 and 7, I've got a long ways to go!  

I totally get what you're saying about instilling values.  But seriously, if the 9 year old is just shakin' her butt when she's dancing and maybe doing a body roll or two, I think it's pretty harmless.  They all do it.  I think *I* did that when I was that age.  I didn't turn out too bad, I think! LOL  She's 9 and getting into pre-teen years, she's bound to experiment.


cruelella2to
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 11:20 AM

You are seriously going to sit there ans say an 8 yr old and a 6 yr old dance like WHORES? Oh man feel the love dripping from that statement. I can only imagen why you're dh doesn't listen to your op when it comes to how his kids dance. Is that how you describe it to him.? your daughters dance like whores.

Quoting JimandSmalls:

 I think it is bs that you came on here for advice and some ladies are misconstruing the way you think and are attacking you. This should be a safe place for you to come and get good advice.

I have 2 SD myself ages 6 and 8. I have the same problem, yet DH and his EX see no problem with it. They live with BM. BM likes to go clubbing so... yeah, anyways, I can't necessarily blame her. Society especially where we live is part of the blame.

Back to my SD's there is a song that they love to sing, and they sing it because they know it makes my skin crawl. It peeves me off to no end to hear them sing it. It's by LMFAO the main choirs of the song is "I'm SEXY and I know it!" I have issues with little ones dancing like whores and calling themselves sexy. I feel that society itself is causing our children to grow up way too fast. It's very sad.

My DH thinks I over react, but they do it everywhere... it's so embarrassing. Plus I swear I saw some old pervy man checking them out. It gave me the willies!

So, I can totally sympathize and empathize with you and your DH. And I'm not even religious. Lol

Dance class or cheer would be awesome for your SD. If you find the right class there will be no "sexy" dance moves. It is all choreographed, and if you have a problem with a particular dance move you can talk to your SD's dance instructor to see if S/He will modify that particular section. This will allow for less improve on your SD's part... meaning her signature dance moves will be left out.

Plus Cheer and Dance (in the right class) will offer self-esteem values for SD, a community for you and SD, goals, health, and over all well being. It's really not a bad thing if you can find the class or group that shares your family's values. It's out there. Just look! 

 I find my DS trying to join in my SDs' fun. He mimics them. We have a word that we use that he understands. I can tell him that is "inappropriate". He will immediately stop because he knows he should not do it. It is a word I have used with him all of his life and he gets it.

It's sad that I have to allow the girls to do things, yet he cannot do things that they do because they are being inappropriate. One day when he is older I am sure he will get it.

The nice thing about the word "inappropriate" is that it covers a wide spectrum of things. My son understands it means: its wrong, its not meant for his age...he shouldn't do it. the list goes on and he gets it. Maybe you should talk to your DH about using "inappropriate" rather than sexy.


            Good luck to you!!!



cruelella2to
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 11:22 AM

My niece started baton class when she was 3 they just marched when she was 5 she was doing the "sexy" dance as you put it. She got sent to a therapist because some told my sister she was molested and that was why she was doing it. she was never molested she was doing it for attention. It took some time but the therapist said to not acknowledge it and if it was really a bother to tell her to stop. but to do our best to just ignor it. Also she was pulled from dance(baton) class. it was the saddest year for her. She got back in it and they taught her more than marching like dancing can be twirling around not booty dancing. it was good for her. Maybe ignoring the behavior (extinction) will help.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Aug. 6, 2012 at 11:26 AM

How DARE they!?!?  All they need is a pole...

LMAO!  Um, that was completely goofy and fun!  If we all lived close to each other, I'd say come on over and I'll make a vid of US doing that!  Cuz, we're sexy and we know it...haaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!  *snap snap*

Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

OP..girls will be girls! Dancing was my life! Let her dance, it's an awesome outlet.

Quoting sandeeyo:


Quoting FrillyMama:

 

Quoting sandeeyo:


Quoting FrillyMama:


 (Thank goodness my bio kids are boys!  Boys are so wonderful- they're never trying to be sexy and grow up too fast... They just want to be fed, want their toys, and need their mama's love and they're happy! )

Nope they don't want to be sexy...they just want to have sex.

 Ok, you got me there!  :) LOL  That is true about teenage boys.  We just have to instill our values into them!  And in our family, that means a Christian home and going to church.... Thank goodness since mine are still only 5 and 7, I've got a long ways to go!  

I totally get what you're saying about instilling values.  But seriously, if the 9 year old is just shakin' her butt when she's dancing and maybe doing a body roll or two, I think it's pretty harmless.  They all do it.  I think *I* did that when I was that age.  I didn't turn out too bad, I think! LOL  She's 9 and getting into pre-teen years, she's bound to experiment.



E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 1:59 PM

Oh... now that would be funny!

Quoting sandeeyo:

How DARE they!?!?  All they need is a pole...

LMAO!  Um, that was completely goofy and fun!  If we all lived close to each other, I'd say come on over and I'll make a vid of US doing that!  Cuz, we're sexy and we know it...haaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!  *snap snap*

Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

OP..girls will be girls! Dancing was my life! Let her dance, it's an awesome outlet.


looneytunes290
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 2:17 PM
I am very happy my daughter wasn't Interested in cheer or dance but maybe since appropriateness is suh a problem whoever teaches her dance will teach her how to dance without looking inappropriate. What kind of dance is she doing? My sd was on a cheer squad that won a state championship, and their stuff was not at all inappropriate, even their uniforms were okay. They were more like athletes. Maybe if you can find a way to channel her interest in a positive way it will be good for her.
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JimandSmalls
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 2:18 PM

I have no prob with the way the girls are dancing in the vid. I would be happy if my sds' danced like that...but they don't... what they do is xxx rated.

KellyReedy
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 2:49 PM

My SD9 does the same. Has been for quite awhile.  She gyrates around, does humping moves when sitting on a couch or chair.  Serious "stripper" material.  I know her mom hangs out with loose people (ha) and never hangs out with kids her age, all older.  We tried having her in ballet/tap..ut she would be slinky and "sexy". Her teacher would tell her it's not hip hop class...it's ballet.  In soccer on the field, she'd dance and gyrate around and miss the ball.  Her mom wants her in cheer and dance.  It's all on her if she does tho.  She's already been caught having her pants off with little boys, pretendig they are taking pictures of her (WHAT THE HELL???)  The worst is yet to come I fear!

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