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BM made SD cry over her haircut- vent**

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BM has long hair like superlong hair. its not religious she just likes it that way. well she wants SD7 to have long hair also.

 her hair was not even cut until she was 3. she still had baby curls and all. well back when she was three about 6 months after Dh and her split SD asked me if she could get her hair cut and so I had Dh call BM and ask if she cared, she responded that she would take care of it on SD's next visit. well she didnt, and so SD gave it until the next visit and when BM didnt cut her hair again so she did it herself..she shaved the top part of her hair with some trimmers and cut her hair all the way up. When she came back I asked her why she did it and her response was "I tolds u I wanted it cut and no one would so i did"-BIg smile...So Dh promised SD  that when she asked for her hair to be cut from then on we would do it. BM knows this and tries to guilt her out of it. She will say stuff like "I want my hair long like mommas so that its pretty"

Anyways its been 2 yrs since her hairs have been cut. it was down to her butt when she came home from her month long visit. The next morning she was brushing it out and she came and told DH that it was getting hard to brush and she wanted it cut. so we had it cut and layered. she even gave what was cut to locks of love "for the little girls without hair"- proud sm moment

when she got home she wanted to call BM and tell her about it and we sent pics so that everyone could see. her mother responded.."Why would u do that.. I thought u wanted pretty hair, its not pretty if u cut it." SD was speechless and started to tear up so I took the phone hung it up and told SD she was absolutly gorgeous and the next morning we dressed up and took pics at the park for good measure. She loves her hair.

I just cant believe that BM would take that stance with it...since then BM has called twice to talk to SD and she refuses to talk to her. She just runs to her room and says im not talking today.

 

by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 6:30 AM
Replies (31-40):
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Aug. 7, 2012 at 5:35 PM
So.... What.... Then you assert your power as custodial and don't communicate and dismiss the other parents desires?

And you think that isn't alienating and scheming?

I would NEVER do this as custodial parent. EVER. It is a crappy power play and it destroys relationships. And if my husband did it, my ex would be within his rights to rip him a new one.

And as a sm.... I love my skids and would not knowingly put them in a bad position.

But whatever... If your / dh's control is more important than the other parent.... Enjoy the toxicity you help create.


Quoting jcampbell288:

I was forced to have short hair as a child. i mean like boy short hair. i hated it i used to cry and cry bc i wanted long hair. I say its her hair. if she wants to cut it she can. its just hair.


and if we did let BM be a part of the decision and she always said no, should we NEVER cut her hair; cause thats what would happen...


Quoting andersongirl562:

If my child cut her own hair she would be punished not rewarded with a promise that she can have her haircut whoever she wants. Bm has a right to be a part of the decision to cut SD hair.



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jcampbell288
by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 5:38 PM

i also do not have an issue with long hair. i really like the way it looks long. But most of the time she combs, brushes and fixes her own hair- so if she wants it cut we cut

. It wasnt just long it was down to her butt, it still rather long. its to her shoulder blades, but layered so it has some shape to it.

and for caring so much, she doesnt even do SD's hair when she is there. I have said on many occasions that i dont know what she uses on her hair bc it is soo dry and tangled when she gets home.- after 2 days.. Then i get to be the meany that pulls all the tangles out...

Quoting ShannaBee:

I love long hair. I've almost always had long hair. I want my DD to have long hair too. So I can see BM's side on this one.


jcampbell288
by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 5:43 PM

uh yea... it was more like..OMG ur hair.. Why would u do that.. its gonna take forever to grow out. - and that was just me. Then DH said pretty much the same thing-but longer winded.
And then a few more people had stuff to say. but when all was calm I asked her why she cut her hair and that was her reply.. - but i was paraphrasing in the original post

Quoting GlockMom:

 

Quoting jcampbell288:                                                                                                                                                                                 "I tolds u I wanted it cut and no one would so i did"-BIg smile...

This sounds REALLY fabricated.  Really??  This happened?


jcampbell288
by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 5:45 PM


Quoting AtillaTheHun:

It's all about power. She thinks she should have all the say so. Why they have to drag the kids into this shit is beyond me. My SD´s BM shaved off SD´s hair and her eyebrows to get back at my husband, and her and loverboy kept telling SD they want her to look like an idiot when she walks down the street with her dad. Just because BM knew that my husband loved SD´s long her. Wanna talk about sick!?


awww see I would NEVER do that to a child... poor kid.

jcampbell288
by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 5:50 PM


Quoting 2bkayleesmommy:

My hair is long it was super long past my ass, but i cut it a month ago in long layers (right @ my butt crack tho-the longest layer) i always keep my hair long. My SD's hair is also very long she'll be 5 in november and has never cut her hair it's to her mid butt. My dd's hair is a few inches maybe 4" past her shoulders. My ex always knew i wasnt gonna cut her hair but his mom decided to trim it when she was 1 1/2yrs old i almost beat her ass!! Dont touch my dd's hair!! I was mad and said to my dd "short hair is for boys" this is a religious thing and old fashion mexican thing too. I was raised women have long hair. She shouldnt of told her dd she was ugly. But i see y she could be mad.


BUT i have covered that. IF it was religous or in anyway something other than her being vindictive i or dh would NEVER  have done anything.  But she should never have said that to SD

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Aug. 7, 2012 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I have long hair and I love my hair long. My SD has had both short and long hair. She lives with us and sees BM EOWE. She's been asking for a haircut. She wanted it cut really short. She asked for it to be by her ears. We said no. While on vacation we got it cut and it's now at her shoulder's. We don't bother asking for BM's opinion because we already know it. She tells my SD what she thinks of er hair every time it gets cut. It was so long that she couldn't even brush it anymore. BM complains that she can't braid it but not once when it's been long has she even braided it once. When she was with BM last they told her she looked like a boy. She's a pretty little 8 year old and her haircut does not make her look like a boy. She still looks like herself but with shorter hair. She loves having short hair. It's easy to take care of and that's what she likes. You would think that BM would be happy with the shorter hair because she won't even allow my SD to brush her own hair when she is over there.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Why shouldn't a child be allowed to get a haircut. Just because the parent likes long hair does not mean they should force their likes onto the child. It's wrong. What happened to everyone wanting their kids to have their own opinions and likes. I hate it when parents put their kids down.

want2bpiper
by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 7:21 PM

 It seems to me like a lot of you are blaming the SM for getting the SD's haircut without her permission...as if she just took it upon herself to cut it.  That is not what her OP says.  The SD wanted her hair cut so SM and DH both took her to get it cut.  DH had made SD a promise and he held up to it.  AND he told BM that he had made that promise.  So...I don't see where getting her hair cut is a big deal.  Maybe in this instance, BM should have cared more about how her DD felt than her own feelings.

Prayin4Serenity
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:14 AM
I think I'd rather take the kid to get a professional cut than have her do it herself and obviously bm wasn't going to allow the smart option. Someone has got to make the decision and I think dh and sm did the right thing. Bm shouldn't have made that unnecessary comment to her daughter. That was just insensitive. Maybe you all can agree on something for the next time haircut comes around. Can't you all compromise? Because not only is a child cutting their own hair a total embarrassment to their image but it can be pretty dangerous! !!! So for the sake of this baby, Pick your battles and be adults. It IS just hair. But communication is what the problem is here.
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AMB7
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 12:54 AM
I am a hairdresser so I do my skids hair. There are times that bm hasn't been happy, but the kids always are. My oldest would shriek whenever I picked up the brush. She would continue to scream/cry while her lips trembled like I was bloody gutting her THE WHOLE TIME,EVERY TIME! So I cut it & we lived happily ever after. She brushes it herself, loves it, & that all I care about. If the kid is miserable it's not fair. It's one of those things that the childs personality & needs should be considered. The younger one wants to have hair like Rapunzel :-) so as long as she brushes it I keep it quite long. No tears, just princess hair that she loves. People need to realize that kids are little individuals too & pick their battles.
Aurora-Dove
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 1:55 AM
I don't see where SM was wrong in this situation, Dad told BM after she cut it herself that he made a promise to let her get it cut when she asked next time instead of her butchering it herself. BM was not uninformed about this particular situation. My SD's mom is CP and she makes all of the decisions on hair. SD has really long hair and didn't get her first cut til she was 5 and was only trimmed about an inch, and she has had 1 other hair cut since and again was just a trim. I went to beauty school and know how to recognize unhealthy hair. I can see about 4 inches of split ends on her and have mentioned it but just get blown off by BM. we usually get along well and discuss everything between her, SO and myself, but that one is a loosing battle so I stay out of it. I would never take SD to get her hair cut because it is a big deal to BM and its not worth the fight, but I can remember being her age and my dad never letting me cut my hair, I remember having to brush it instantly or it got tangled and matted, I wanted it cut so bad, begged and begged, finally when I was about 7 they let me cut it to ny shoulders. I feel bad for SD because I know she wants it short but is afraid to ask her mom. she just makes subtle hints when she is with us. I only have a son but if I had a daughter I would let her make that choice because I remember how I felt when I was little and hated having hair to my butt! Either way it goes, what kind of POS person tells their child they are ugly in any way? even if she really hated her hair and was pissed at SM and dad for getting it cut she should have discussed that with them after talking to her daughter instead of making her own daughter feel ugly!
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