Hi,
You guys have given me such amazing advice and I need it to keep coming. Yesterday, I was suppose to take my SS to work. He refused to ride with me. So, my DH decided to come home. I was furious! You reward his fit throwing with coming home to give him what he wants?! So later that afternoon my DH and I have a huge fight. Mainly accusing me of bullying his son, whom I don't ever talk to unless DH is there for that very fact, and then said that not talking to him was not ok. Mind you this is the SS who molested my DD. It happened just over a year ago and I am still so angry and hurt over it. My DD went to college last fall. She is coming home in August with her boyfriend. She is very scared and has been having nightmares over this. So my DH says to me yesterday, that my SS is afraid that he will be alienated when my daughter comes home. Holy crap, this coming from the SS who MOLESTED my daughter?? How dare he! I am to blame for everything, according to DH. SS threw a phone at my head, kicked something against my shin and made it bleed, but HE is the one that needs protecting? That hurt so much. Who is protecting me? No one. I am alone most of the day with the SS.....who scares me. What am I to do? I hide in my room and lock the door. That is so not fair. I want my daughter to feel at home when she comes back. I could care less how my SS feels. He lost that right when he molested my daughter. I am so angry, confused and hurt. We see a counselor on Thursday evening. I am hoping this will help. I just don't understand what my DH expects out of me......I told him to turn the tables, what if I asked him to love and care for a guy that molested one of his daughters...how would that make him feel? He said thats an unfair comparison. We only have a year until my son and his son graduate. Can I make it that long? This man is my soulmate.....who happens to have not one, not two, but three very screwed up kids. I love him with all my heart.....what is your opinion? Do I cultivate a relationship with the SS? How do I protect my own daughter? Why doesn't my DH feel the need to protect me? Am I not worthy? Am I that horrible of a person? Thank you so much for being a sound board for me.....
I am shocked you are still married to him, like the first poster.
OP no one deserves to be treated in a way that makes then feel unworthy.
Sweetie, you owe your DH NOTHING. He is justifying the bad and CRIMINAL behavior of his son. Oh...here's a thought you may wish to share with DH. If your DD told her boyfriend about what SS did and they are coming in August the boyfriend may be looking to have it out with SS. You tried with DH and he is still justifying what SS did. WRONG. SS needs to leave and DH too. Why are you transporting SS to work? Why are you doing anything for that scumbag? Why are you still with DH? He is just as bad as a molester if he is excusing the actions. I'm so so sorry for this mess...but in this situation you will have to make a choice, your DH or your daughter - the victim. Either way you lose something/someone. That sucks so much...but you really can't pick DH because of what he's said and done. If it is your house then thy need to leave. If it's his then you leave. There is no middle ground...there is no option...there is no way to work this out. Your daughter has exceptional courage to return to her mother's home where she was molested and her reward for that is her own mother siding with the molester and the molester's father? Really? This is a betrayal of the worst kind to your child....You really need to think through why you are still in the house. SS and DH have drawn a line in the sand and you aren't standing for your own child. Why?
Why are you still married to this man???
Quoting imgoingcrazy3:Hi,
You guys have given me such amazing advice and I need it to keep coming. Yesterday, I was suppose to take my SS to work. He refused to ride with me. So, my DH decided to come home. I was furious! You reward his fit throwing with coming home to give him what he wants?! So later that afternoon my DH and I have a huge fight. Mainly accusing me of bullying his son, whom I don't ever talk to unless DH is there for that very fact, and then said that not talking to him was not ok. Mind you this is the SS who molested my DD. It happened just over a year ago and I am still so angry and hurt over it. My DD went to college last fall. She is coming home in August with her boyfriend. She is very scared and has been having nightmares over this. So my DH says to me yesterday, that my SS is afraid that he will be alienated when my daughter comes home. Holy crap, this coming from the SS who MOLESTED my daughter?? How dare he! I am to blame for everything, according to DH. SS threw a phone at my head, kicked something against my shin and made it bleed, but HE is the one that needs protecting? That hurt so much. Who is protecting me? No one. I am alone most of the day with the SS.....who scares me. What am I to do? I hide in my room and lock the door. That is so not fair. I want my daughter to feel at home when she comes back. I could care less how my SS feels. He lost that right when he molested my daughter. I am so angry, confused and hurt. We see a counselor on Thursday evening. I am hoping this will help. I just don't understand what my DH expects out of me......I told him to turn the tables, what if I asked him to love and care for a guy that molested one of his daughters...how would that make him feel? He said thats an unfair comparison. We only have a year until my son and his son graduate. Can I make it that long? This man is my soulmate.....who happens to have not one, not two, but three very screwed up kids. I love him with all my heart.....what is your opinion? Do I cultivate a relationship with the SS? How do I protect my own daughter? Why doesn't my DH feel the need to protect me? Am I not worthy? Am I that horrible of a person? Thank you so much for being a sound board for me.....
I am sorry but no he is NOT your SOULMATE!!! A soulmate wouldn't blame you and a good father would see that his child needs help and stop making excuses for the behavior of his son. You need to get out. AND fyi as someone who has been molested I doubt your daughter will ever be comfortable around your SS and as he gets older and stronger she will probably become more uncomfortable and have a fear of him and if she ever has kids will probably never want to come to your home where your SS is allowed. Its not just one more year. Its a life time of family events and no guarentee that you DH is going to make your SS move out. For sake and your daughter's feelings, leave get out.
Your husband has proven that he is not willing to make you a priority. Believe him. The best thing to do right now is protect your daughter, move yourself somewhere she can feel safe. Use the time to reflect on your marriage. When she goes back to school, make the choice to stay where you are or go back your husband.
SS ten years old w anxiety?
- imgoingcrazy3
on Aug. 7, 2012 at 3:41 PM