My step son is getting married and I was not invited to the only bridal shower that my future step daughter in law is having. I have been married to my H for 10 yrs. Through the years I /we have spent much time with my skids. They are 27 and 29. Family vacations,dinners, hoildays, etc. I thought we had a good realationship. They are always pleasant to me. While I do not like the ex (kids don't know how i feel) we have all been together many times over the years for b-days, graduations, weddings,etc. We all are friendly, no scenes ever, BM and I even hug each other hello and good bye. I am not the reason for their divorce. I have two adult children who treat my H very well. But i also wasn't invited to a bridal shower for my SD 2 years ago when the BM and MOG were. I went to a second shower that was a couples shower so of course my H was invited also. Now that I look back on things I seem to only be included when my H is otherwise I'm not! My son and daughter in law are in the wedding and my H and I are putting on the rehearsal dinner along with the ex, yet my H and I are doing all the work for it. I feel like this is a major slap in my face and not sure how to handle the snub. My H is very upset by this. The kicker is my SD asked if she could come spend the night at our house after the shower because she didn't want to stay at her mother's because she has company! She knows I'm not invited to the shower and I'm sure she thinks it's fine to come over after the shower and tell me all about it!! We are going to go out of town to avoid that, so my H told her we won't be home so she will have to stay with her mom! I told my H to wait until after the shower to address this with the kids. Any thoughts out there?
I know it was asked above already, but who is hosting the shower and where did they get the guest list?
I would be very hurt if this happened to me, especially since this is the second time this has happened. It's possible the host just didn't realize your situation.
I think I would pursue this somehow. I'm not sure how exactly. but I feel like someone should say something to the host. At the very least, if I were you, I'd want to know the reason I was being excluded. I'd want to know if it was an oversight, or deliberate, and why.
I can see this is hurtful. But what if you made a choice just to let it go? Put it down to ignorance, or bad manners and just let go. If I said anything to anyone it would be to DH. Then DH should take it up with his son. In fact, he probably should have done this the first time. Otherwise, I would just leave it.
I think dishonesty is not good. Telling the SD that you all would be out of town is a lie and it just covers up the real issue, the bridal shower. What if your DH told her the truth? That would be a perfect opening for conversation about hurting feelings and being taken advantage of and respect.
I am not saying anyone has to say anything. Sometimes these situations are best handled through non confrontation and letting things lie. Only you know what will work for you.
But I do know that white lies are not the way to go. And you are choosing to be hurt. Choose relief instead. I find showers very boring and expensive. Be happy that you don't have to sit around oohing and ahing over someone who has treated you disrespectfully.
Food for thought.
I am sorry for your hurt. I have been where you are. When my SS was engaged, I was invited to all of the showers except for the one the BM's church gave his fiance'. I was hurt since I had been invited to the others. Our relationship with SS and his wife has gone downhill since their wedding because of several snubs. There is no way to understand people and their insensitivity. I think your DH should talk to SS about your not being invited to the shower. Once SS is married the snubs may continue and you don't deserve to live that way. Good luck. Let us know what happens.
it is definitely not fair. i know showers are boring but it is part of the whole experience. your dh should find out why you weren't invited, and make your choices from the reason. if the reason is they just dont want you there then go out of town and have a wonderful time, and i wouldn't host the rehearsal dinner either. but if it was an oversight(wich i doubt since your dil is in the wedding) the they need to apologize, and rectify it. but your dh needs to be the one doing the asking .
honestly with your son and dil in the wedding im very surprised you weren't included.i would have expected them to stand up for you. i would also ask ds if he was aware of any hard feeling the sk's might have toward you. he may know more than you think.
But there may be several
reasons for this - maybe new dil wants to show her loyalty to BM??
I can't ever understand these things.
I don't know what you should do.....hehe - will probably happen to me as well in a few years.
All I can say is good luck!!
Is your future daughter in law very young/uneducated/just plain stupid? I was married the first time at the baby age of eighteen. Even with friends throwing the shower I made sure my ex's side was invited-it's common courtesy, especially if everyone gets along.
I hope your dh says something to his son. And I also hope you are not available as a place to crash for her after the shower. She seems pretty dang clueless.
Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:I think how you and DH are handling it is great.
I don't have any advice.
I would be hurt if my SK's did that to me.
Who pays the sitter?
Serious Venting....... (sorry so long)
- frustratedsm101
on Aug. 9, 2012 at 8:46 PM