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Step Kids Ungrateful!

Posted by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 11:35 PM
  • 32 Replies
2 moms liked this

Not sure where to start.....I guess from the beginning. When I started dating my husband his ex girlfriend did everything she could to keep him out of his kids lives, in PA that is not hard to do cause the a father has little rights. She did nothing but bad mouth us to the kids saying I was the reason their Dad left and I took him away. Also told them he has my daughter now and don't need his kids. None of this is true. She threw my husband out on a false PFA to move her new married boyfriend in. 

As time went on all that mattered was her boyfriend and the bar he owned and the drugs they did. She ended up losing the kids to the state. The state made my husband get DNA testing even though he was paying support and signed an acknowledgment of paternity. He never tried to deny them even though there was a chance they were not his because she is very "friendly". Also my husband adopted my daughter while this was all going on. Finally the judge stated if he can adopt a child he can raise his. So they came to live with us after 3 years of being passed from family member to family member and $18,000 dollars later. Their mother did nothing to try to get them back. She never showed up for a hearing, took her drug test or parenting classes. 

We went as far as moving away from her and needless to say she and her married boyfriend followed us and moved to the same area. His bar was closed down for to many problems. At the time we got custody my SS was 12  and my SD was 8.

When they turned 18 their mother decided now she can cause problems because the court was no longer involved or had a say so. The court order read she was to have no contact with them. Well my SS told us that we are pieces of $hit and never did a thing for him he moved out. My SD was thrown out of my home because she was very disrespectful. She would tell her Dad to F off and call me a fat C**T, yes that awful C word. She would not get a job or clean up after herself. She would start fights all the time because we would not give her money to do things with her friends. You can not help out or get a job, we are not going to hand money over. She tried to break up my marriage and went as far as putting me on a dating site to make my husband think I was cheating on him. Thankful we are best friends and he knew better. He told her if she needed to respect us or there was the door, he was not going to let her break us up. 

We later find out that she is posting things on FB saying he does not care about his ONLY daughter, remember he adopted my daughter. She tells my daughter she does not count cause my husband did not make her. My daughter does not like to let people know my husband is not her bio father cause in her eyes he is the only father she had. He raised her since age of 5. Finally my husband flipped out on her and told her whether she likes it or not he does have another daughter and she needs to stop with her bad mouthing of every. Of course she told him F off, then she wonders why. 

These kids had the best of everything, the had love a roof over their head, food to eat, not to mention we paid for their cell phones, had top of the line iPods. One did not if the other could not get unless they were being rewarded for a report card. 

I am so tired of my SD and her BIO mom. I am tired of the lies and the Facebook post. I am tired of them telling everyone my husband is going back to her and divorcing me, if one more person ask me if we split I am going to snap. I am tired of them treating their father like crap. You do not like me fine don't bother with me but talk to your Dad.

I even told my husband I would divorce him if it meant he would have a relationship with them. He got very upset with me and said they are adults now and if they don't want be part of our lives that is on them. 

I will be with my husband 13 years in Dec and married 11 years in Sept. I am tired of the drama, the fighting, the bad mouthing. I am at my wits end, all I do is cry. I tried to give kids a good life they would of not had otherwise. I am beyond hurt and all I do is cry. My husband says nothing is my fault and I tried that is all I could do. They made their decisions and now they have to live with them. 

My daughter and my husband are very close, he is her Dad and always will be. She is thankful she has him. He said at least one of his kids is grateful for him. 

The stress of this is getting to the point where I am so depressed I can not even function. I am so hurt sometimes I am sorry I took them and I think I should of just left them in foster care.

Thanks for reading.

simple frown

by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 11:35 PM
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by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 9:36 AM

About made me cry!   I had a day of not getting out of bed over sk drama but you really have bad.   If it were me I would say the same thing.. leave them alone until they can be respectful.   They are adults now so you cant control them but you can shut the door so they have to be learn to be the respectful ones and make efforts to grow up.   Most of all our kids are adults now and omg the drama.  I would put blocks on the FB book stuff the kids think they have to post all the dirty laundry they can to get attention and trust me I have dealt with alot of the drama lately.  I block them.. I dont want to see rudeness or disrespect to family at all.  I dont care who the BM is, the SM or dads if they live in the same house, visit in the same house adults are to be respected.  I dont care if BM or SM dont like me its my house and I am not allowing disrespect in my home.   In time your SK will come around.. kids these days think they can treat people like crap and because we are parents they think they can change their opinion and mood in a heartbeat and expect parents to just accept it.  And for the most part we do because we love unconditionally but they really can scar us.  Dont let your marriage get rocky.. stand united , stay on the same page as a couple.  That is what is important.  Kids are out  leave them there.

by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 9:46 AM
2 moms liked this

The two sentences that stand out to me are these:

"I tried to give kids a good life they would of not had otherwise."

"I am sorry I took them and I think I should of just left them in foster care."

This suggests to me that you were the one who took them in after they were removed from their mother's care. This  is why the situation failed. They needed their father, not their stepmother. A stepmother can't take the place of their father. If they feel that it was YOU who took them in, that might be why they are resentful and angry at their father.

Also, I don't feel kids should be grateful for their parent "taking them in." They have the right to expect that. Their parents owe them that.

by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 9:58 AM
2 moms liked this

It has been my experience that no matter what a step mother does, she will never be good enough in her step childs eyes. No matter how their BM feels about them or treats them, she will always reign over a step mom. 

by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 10:14 AM
3 moms liked this

Like your husband said, "They are adults" If they don't want to be apart of his life than that is "Thier" choice.  You guys did EVERYTHING it sounds like to give them a good life and they should respect that but apprecaite that. Hopefully someday they will.  Don't give up on your family just because your skids and bm are being butts. Thier adults so let them move on and try to ignore the things you hear. Once they realize you are not getting arise out of it they will probably stop. (I know this from experience) Enjoy your time with your daughter and husband.  

by Silver Member on Aug. 10, 2012 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

they are adults let them go , block them from your lives, if dh wants a relationship with them do it outside of the house. they are not children any longer. they are on their own .

by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 10:24 AM
3 moms liked this
Suck the poison out of your life...block her and anyone else who causes drama on facebook, take back control of your life, go see a therapist. Disinvite her from your life and learn to let it go.

Dont give these people that much power over you.
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by on Aug. 10, 2012 at 10:53 AM
1 mom liked this

That's horrible.  Altho our sitch is different, I see my skids becoming very disrespectful. Especially my sd.  My husband won't put up with it.  His kids are already spending less and less time with us and come over with big fat attitudes.  We are in the process of adopting 2 babies.  He says everyday these are his kids and he's happy he's getting another chance with kids that love him.  It's sad.  BM has aLOT of influence in their lives. Really sucks!

Good luck with everything.  And they are adults, they made their choices.  You don't need to walk away!

Blend in!

by Le Bonjour Chat on Aug. 10, 2012 at 11:08 AM

Stop reading their Facebook posts.  If you're not friends with them, stop stalking their posts.  If you are friends with them block them entirely.  Why aggravate yourself more by reading whatever BM and SD wrote.  Suggest your DD do the same thing.

by Gold Member on Aug. 10, 2012 at 2:28 PM
Out of sight out of mind my dear! You still got one at home so enjoy her and turn that frown up side down! Maybe time will bring them back but it sounds as if you gave it your all...its their choice they are adults now its all on them now!
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by Member on Aug. 10, 2012 at 2:55 PM

therapy for that anger!!!!!!!!!!!!

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