My FIL has vowed to follow us where ever we happen to move, so that he can be close to SS. That's awesome he wants a relationship with him and that's not my problem.
He doesn't like SS living with us (he doesn't want him to live with BM either though). He wants custody, or at least wants us to do whatever he tells us to when it comes to SS... He gets mad because we discipline him (time outs and groundings mostly), and thinks our rules are too strict for a little boy (no jumping on the furniture and no back talk are our two big rules).
DH and I believe FIL is telling SS things he should keep his nose out of, like I'm not his real mom so he doesn't have to respect me (the friend that FIL stays with told us about that one), that we're just being mean to SS and that FIL is going to save him (that one came out of SS's mouth "Call my Papa! I want him to save me!" he's 5, that had to come from somewhere).
FIL will come stay with us overnight, but always ends up leaving angry because we don't give into SS's temper tantrums, which in the end makes the tantrum even worse.
After every visit SS's behavior goes off the chart! We have to do something drastic everytime to get him back on the right track. Last time we took most of his toys away (except like 2 or 3) and SS had to earn them back.
The behavior is escalating too after every visit, DH and I are at our wits end. DH is planning on talking to FIL again (he's talked with him before about this), but really what can we do? I want SS and FIL to continue to be close, but FIL needs to stop whatever it is he's doing, because it causes chaos in my house, and none of us are happy (DH, SS, and me) until things get straightened back out, which is getting harder and harder to do each time.
I stay out of it when it comes to dealing with FIL, I just wish I had something to offer DH, because he doesn't know what to do either. I'm just so frustrated about the whole situation.