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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Why Is It....

Posted by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:32 PM
  • 105 Replies

that only moms have mental disorders on this board?  Why don't SM's and dads seem to ever have any sort of  issue, be it depression or, the all too popular one, BPD? 

If moms mental issue can be used against her can Sms be used against dad?  If the kids aren't good enough to be around their parent who has an mental disorder, what would make a nonparent with the same issue? 


by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:32 PM
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Saint-sweet-t
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:39 PM
2 moms liked this

This is the stepmom central group. I just joined but my assumption is that it is for us SMs to chat/vent/whatever. Praising someone that makes your and families life harder is part of it. I have no idea if your question is reguarding something specific but I don't think kids should be left in the care of anyone that has a disorder that could let them hurt the kid. Be it BM, BD, SM, SD, g-ma, g-pa, aunt, uncle, cousin, anyone. I would say SMs illness would be held against SM, BD held to his own mental health. As far as custody goes the kids should be placed where they are safest.

perroquet
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:42 PM

 Of course......you are assumming all these moms have all these mental disorders because SM said so. Oh wait.....SM knows, because DH told her so. LOL

katcb1019
by Bronze Member on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:47 PM
1 mom liked this

 I will say having a mental disorder does not make you less a parent. My odds bf is a diagnosed bipolar with a couple of other things added on. He is in therapy and on meds and happens to be a great father. We split 50/50 custody at this point. He was not a great parent proir to treatment but I never gave up on his relationship with odd.

It shouldnt matter if the parent has a disorder what matters is whats best for the kids.

mom2boys664
by Bronze Member on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Well obviously anyone can have a mental disorder. But I would imagine people with those problems are seeking support on different boards. I hope for the kids sake that only one parent is struggling with a mental disorder, but of course it could be both. And although I think men should have equal rights to their children, I think dads with mental illness often just drop out of their kids lives. If a SM has a mental illness and it is harmful to the child of course it should be taken into consideration. For those of us that are CSM it is often why we have the kids full time instead of mom. It's because mom will not get help and the child is at risk.
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packermomof2
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:50 PM

And if the kid isn't safe because mom has bipolar (or whatever else) and SM does also, is the kid safe in the same home as a SM who has it? 

Do SMs who have a mental disorder tell mom they have one so that mom can effectively judge if she is safe to be around her kid or is SMs mental state absolutely none of moms business?  If it isn't moms business what makes moms mental state any of a SMs?

packermomof2
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:52 PM


Quoting perroquet:

 Of course......you are assumming all these moms have all these mental disorders because SM said so. Oh wait.....SM knows, because DH told her so. LOL

Exactly. 

I had never seen so many moms with mental disorders until I came to CM.  And I'm not talking Sms, I'm talking moms of the Sks. 

My feeling on that is that dad shouldn't be talking to his new girl about moms mental state unless he's going to tell mom about the new girls mental state also.  I think moms have more a right to know who their kid is going to be around when it comes to this topic than a SM has regarding the actual parent.

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:52 PM
3 moms liked this
My daughters bf DOES have a mental disorder, which I have mentioned many times.

That aside, this is a forum primarily for stepmoms, which means that is the POV you will see the most.

And moms mental disorders can be used against her because she is the child's parent. The point is to show areas on which she may be unfit, or less fit, than dad. Unless sms disorder prevents dad from parenting properly, I don't think it can be used against dad
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Saint-sweet-t
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:55 PM

It is definitely moms business is her kids are around someone to know her kids are safe there. A good SM also wants to know her skids are safe. A mom is a mom (bio/step/foster) flipping a one sided coin is for little girls.

Quoting packermomof2:

And if the kid isn't safe because mom has bipolar (or whatever else) and SM does also, is the kid safe in the same home as a SM who has it? 

Do SMs who have a mental disorder tell mom they have one so that mom can effectively judge if she is safe to be around her kid or is SMs mental state absolutely none of moms business?  If it isn't moms business what makes moms mental state any of a SMs?


Ms.Gwen
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 1:59 PM
4 moms liked this
I think anyone that abandons thier own children, leaving them in the care of someone they loath more than anyone else on the planet must be crazy! I'm not a specialist or anything but I think that qualifies as psychotic.
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packermomof2
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 2:04 PM


Quoting luckystars2012:

My daughters bf DOES have a mental disorder, which I have mentioned many times.
I'm not talking about the father of SMs kids.  I'm talking about SMs husband (if she is with a guy who isn't the kids father)... If mom is accused of having something, fine... just be honest if you or your husband does also instead of trying to make mom out to suck because she has something that maybe she can't help

And moms mental disorders can be used against her because she is the child's parent.
Not in most cases.  I have anxiety.  During my first marriage it was terrible (there were circumstances surrounding that).  I also was anorexic when I was a teen.  My ex tried using both of those against me. As well as my sexual abuse as a kid because he felt it contributed to my issues (it does, I can admit it).   My doctor said that if everyone who had a disorder was to lose custody of their kid that there would be MANY parentless kids out there.  I do not medicate for anxiety anymore - my choice.  I also still struggle with food at times... it was attempted to be used against me and the courts saw through that as a ploy... and all it did was hurt me to know that someone would use something so private against me... but I still have my kids.
The point is to show areas on which she may be unfit, or less fit, than dad. Unless sms disorder prevents dad from parenting properly, I don't think it can be used against dad  Define "parenting properly"... according to some on this board a lot of moms don't parent properly... they suck no matter what they do even if they don't have a disorder. 


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