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*UPDATED WITH ARTICLE* Is there anyone in here that would be ok with this?

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I was reading in a magazine that this bm and her ex still go on family vacations together even though they are divorced.

They stay in the same room, just different beds. Throughout the article, I kept thinking "there can't be a SO for either of them because I dont see anybody being ok with this". But it got me to wondering, would you be ok with it? Maybe there is someone out there who it wouldn't bother.

The kid was 5 in the article.


Take a Vacation with Your Ex

A divorcing couple keeps tradition intact for their child

related tags: divorce, vacation, Mom
© Veer

My family vacations are how I always dreamed they would be. My 5-year-old son's sticky ice-cream hands and sandy legs curled up in my lap. His dad gobbling up his belly, our hotel room filled with happy shrieks. The only difference is that his dad and I slide into separate beds.

When my ex and I separated, I never would have imagined we'd be a family again in any traditional sense. Divorce always feels like a failure. But I was never going to be like my divorced parents, bitter and worn down by anger, expecting my sisters and me to work around their unhappiness. I wanted my son to know the luxury of having everyone you love together.

About a year after our split, my ex called and said, "Hey, which week can you take off this summer? Where can we go?" Like...nothing had changed. I almost sarcastically reminded him that we were, um, what's that word again? Oh, yeah. Divorcing. But I said I'd think about it.

It was probably my inability to reconcile my guilt that triggered me to say yes. For our trial run, I agreed to drive to Niagara Falls for four days. Long enough to feel like a break, short enough to survive if things went south.

When my son fell asleep on his dad that night, and we stayed up to watch a movie, whispering above takeout, I knew they wouldn't.

We are both in love with the same person. Just not each other.

Still, a happy joint vacay means not letting pet peeves get in the way of niceties. Letting someone parent his way. And accepting that you will be in a situation where there's not much you can do if his way is bugging you.

The big upside is that your child can crawl into whichever parent's bed he wants. He'll wake up and have two pairs of eyeballs to peel open, two sets of ears to squeal into. There's a quote I read somewhere that stays with me: "In the happiest of our childhood memories, our parents were happy, too." That long weekend brought my son pure joy. Now, when he asks why Daddy can't live at our house, I feel less hollow.

Next year, we're thinking, he'll be the perfect age for Disney. Neither of us has said it, but it feels like that may be the last trip together. Maybe it's that by then one of us will (hopefully) have found a significant other; or maybe it's that I'm putting myself wholly first. Maybe it's that I'll finally be sure that my son can flourish without us together. It'll be bittersweet. But I wouldn't have changed a thing.

by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 2:16 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Hi, my name is... on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:22 PM
Um,maybe if the divorce had gone really smooth and they were better "friends" then lovers. (dad going with BM and kid)

I came to SMC bc I was crying and at wits end with BM and skids.I would not or couldn't not do this. I think it gives the kids false hope somehow. But we can't even be around BM too long w out her being bossy and telling my Dh crap.

I will say when my ex and I broke up,we did a last shabang and we went to disneyland. We stayed at the same hotel room,different beds.While I felt it was good for the kids to "try this out" there was too much hurt there.

I'll put it this way,even my dh used to go by BMs for x mas morning bc they'd usually buy sons a big gift together. Both didn't have SO's though. then when she got one,it stopped. He did also(me). So I don't think that was good for the skids. They had to see dad and mom spilt again(is how they seen it)

It's better just to spilt and let the kids learn how to live in 2 homes and show y'all get along by well... Getting along!:-)
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by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:25 PM
I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to DH and his ex (never married, but dated 8 yrs) There is such a hatred and disgust there...have at it big momma :) Although it would confuse the hell out of SS, so that aspect wouldn't be ok.

Quoting brandi3883:

Wouldn't bother me. I'd like to go too. But the idea of them together? Um yeah not a shot.

You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing

by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:27 PM
4 moms liked this

Now my ex along with his wife and me with my hubby have taken vacation all together with the kids. We got 3 rooms with access to the kids in the middle. The kids asked us if we could do this and figured we would try and it has worked for 3 years now. 

One small note i totally see why my ex is an ex tho especially on trips like this. 

by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:30 PM

I am currently going to school with a young woman whose parents were like this. Vacations and holidays were spent as one big happy family with all the stepparents there as well. Her father was married 4 or 5 times and had lots of children. She said everyone got along and she seems very well adjusted.

I think I would be able to do this as long as my DH was with me.

by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:31 PM
2 moms liked this

Not in the same room though. Same hotel or resort, OK.

by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:33 PM
No way. Dh wouldn't even be alright with this.
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by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:34 PM
No mother fucking way.

That Being said. I wouldn't be against all going on a vacay. Step parents included.
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by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:37 PM
Let me
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by Hi, my name is... on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:39 PM
I can barely get along with my family and my Dh and all the kids on vacation. I can't see doing this with an ex at my age.

Maybe if i was married for like 20 years but not of my kid was 5 years old. I wouldn't want to date someone that did this either. I don't feel it's "correct". Shrug**
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by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this
Ahhhhh lol. Ok I would be ok with the hole situation because I don't think my husband would ever cheat on me. If my husband would be willing to cheat on me then I wouldn't want him around me anyways. In other words if a man is a cheater you can try to put up all these blocks to keep him from doing it but he still will. A good man is always a good man.

Quoting pdxmum:

Just to clarify, or attempt to, again...

You would be OK with your husband going on vacation with his exwife and sleep in the same room as her.


You you would not be with a guy who did this.

So what you are saying, is you are open and confident enough in theory to remove your adult jealousies from this situation and be oh so cool about it as long as he never has any intentions of doing it.


Quoting brandi3883:

Lol. I should use more nouns. I'm ok with my husband and his ex wife going. Guess there is just enough hate of each other (deep and profound) that I wouldn't worry. Of course with a side of I don't want to be with a guy who would.

Quoting jessiesluv:

I think I'm confused.. lol

You would be ok with your SO & his ex going? Or you would be ok going with your SO & ex?

Quoting brandi3883:

Yeah I saw it was just them. Just doesn't bother me. I hate the toll our relationships take on kids. They want to share their moments with both parents. I try to keep my adult jealousy out of a child's life.

Quoting jessiesluv:

The way it read, it was just the 2 parents and the kid.

Quoting brandi3883:

Wouldn't bother me. I'd like to go too. But the idea of them together? Um yeah not a shot.

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