We don't know what to do with my SD, she's obviously hurting
My SD is 8 years old and is a pretty good kid. Lately she's been acting up. She's been rude, talking back, lying. I know part of this is that she's testing her boundaries but I know it's more than that.
She lives with us and sees BM EOWE. She's lived with DH since she was 3. I've been around since she was 4. She'll be 9 in November and she starts school soon.
BM is pregnant with her 3rd child. My SD hates to go over there and has said many times that she wishes BM was dead. She has ADHD so she also goes to therapy EOW, sometimes more if needed. Her SF has hit her and everyone there has been mean to her. We reported the SF but it made it worse so for now we are just letting the therapist know everything and wait until they screw up.
The last two times my SD has went to BM's she has been throwing fits and they bring her home. They can't handle her and they want me to figure out why she's acting like this and make her stop. She doesn't act that way here.
BM has also said that my SD has nightmares everytime she's there where she's screaming bloody murder. My SD does not have those dreams here so I have no clue if it's the truth or not and my SD doesn't ever remember having those dreams.
BM and SF just brought her home a little while ago from their failed attempt at the weekend. My SD doesn't act like this ever with us. They are mad because it's obvious that she doesn't respect them. I get why but she knows it doesn't make it right.
My SD is so screwed up because of them. Her grandparents are alcoholics and one of them is a mean drunk. SF is abusive at times, another grandmother is mean and hurts her feelings all the time now. Even BM is not being nice to her.
I wish BM would just do the right thing and just back off and let her live a normal life.
Quoting blaquechinadoll:
What type of therapy? My son was receiving psychological & behavioral therapy for a while. It has been reduced to just psychological therapy & meds.
I'm really sure what kind it is. We haven't had to worry about behavior problems in a while. It's mostly just the crap that BM and her family put her through. Last school year she talked with the school psychologist but that one has recently got a new job but there's a new one this year so hopefully she will be comfortable talking with the new one.
Quoting KimberlyMKasten:
Behavioral therapy isn't just for those with behavioral problems. They also help with coping and dealing with anger and confusion constructively.
Quoting newstepmom61811:
Wow! We see some of the same stuff with my SKs. They are good kids in our house and treat BM poorly, SD12 especially picks fights hoping it cuts her visits short and she can come home. BM calls DH to "straighten" her out. We know it comes from a place of frustration and anger with BM. We have talked to counselors about it and they've all told us the same thing, to hold firm that it is not our place to fix the relationship between BM and the kids, that is HER job with her kids. Now my SKs have not been physically mistreated in BMs home, just emotionally mistreated and manipulated and sick of it as they have gotten older. I would support DH in dealing with BM and being firm that SHE has to repair and heal her relationship with her DD, you guys cannot do it for her, and I would continue counseling for the mistreatment she has suffered. Continue to support SD, watch her behaviors in your house to see how she was coping. The counselors my SKs dealt with found it healthy that my SKs could clearly articulate what they were upset about with their mom, what they wanted from her, and that they were acting out with her to get her attention to try to communication their desires. It wasn't the best approach but they're kids, they were impressed with the kids self awareness, and that they weren't angry at the world. The kids were focusing their issues where they belonged, on their mom, that they found healthy. My DH has just been trying to get BM to listen...
The therapy really helps her at times. Other times she holds so much in that it is not really doing much good. It took her 6 months to tell anyone that her SF was hitting her. I would love to not have any interaction with BM, but sadly that is not possible. Since BM and I have been talking life has been easier on both sides. BM always just walked all over DH and he would allow to keep the peace even though it never worked. She doesn't do that with me though. She knows better. She called once and all she would do was yell and I stopped it right then and there and now she is civil to the both of us as long as I am the one talking to her.
We're not even going to try and help the relationship along. That's BM's job and we know that. We won't harm it in any way but BM does that enough on her own.
Quoting blaquechinadoll:
Quoting KimberlyMKasten:
Behavioral therapy isn't just for those with behavioral problems. They also help with coping and dealing with anger and confusion constructively.
I said something about the actual behaviour part because for a long time we were having big behavior problems so that's mainly what I meant.
See if you can increase her therapy frequency...this is a flare-up and she needs some guidance. You've also got to be a bit objective here....is it possible that SD is over-reacting (I know she had some awful stuff but it sounds like that's not continuing) figuring you and DH will intercede? That's why additional counseling is needed now to help figure out what's going on over at BM's. Good luck
Quoting sassy711:
See if you can increase her therapy frequency...this is a flare-up and she needs some guidance. You've also got to be a bit objective here....is it possible that SD is over-reacting (I know she had some awful stuff but it sounds like that's not continuing) figuring you and DH will intercede? That's why additional counseling is needed now to help figure out what's going on over at BM's. Good luck
She always sees her therapist more often if she needs to. Right now it's EOW but there have been times where it's every week. I don't know if she's over reacting because the last time she screamed and screamed until she got to go home BM grabbed her arm and dragged her up the stairs. That was just 2 weeks ago. She goes over there and gets told she's ugly and stupid and gets hit by more than one person. Everyone there is mean to her.
If BP doesn't have the money to see the kid.
Do You Think 50/50 Custody Is Good For the Kids?
- KimberlyMKasten
on Aug. 18, 2012 at 3:17 PM