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Oh my! What do I say or do I not say anything?

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:12 AM
  • 6 Replies

My sister got married a month ago. She has been married once before, has 3 children she does not have cusotdy of and has little contact with. He has never been married before but has 4 children with 3 ladies, 2 of which he doesn't see/ support. The 2 in question, he was in and out of their lives. He blames it on the BM. Around the 1st of the year, BM moved in with my sister and then boyfriend with his 2 children plus another man's child. SHe then got in trouble within a month of living there and went to jail for a week or so. My sister latched onto those 2 kids and actually refused (well, she said then boyfriend refused but after conversations with my sister, I 100% believe it was my sister) for BM to have the 2 children. After several months and BM taking them to court trying to get an emergency order, BM was allowed EOWE. I asked why she didn't get them back, there was never a custody order, the kids had now been living with their father for a bit so the courts felt they were now established with father. I do believe there is not a permanent custody order yet but I could be wrong. I guess I should also mention my sister tried to keep the child that is not her then boyfriend's also.

Fast forward to now, she is making those kids call her mom (yes making them, she told me herself). She said she is now their mom since BM is so messed up. When I tried to say something against it, she said I can't talk because my SKs call me mom. I have never made them, they have always had the choice, still do 9 years later. Also our BM was not involved for a bit, and even now chooses to only see them 1 day a month with no other contact. My sister's SK's BM has always been there minus this year. She tried to get her kids back, she was denied. In my book, the courts screwed up. I don't know why they left the kids with a dad that has been in and out of their lives for the last 7 and 9 years and give BM only EOWE.

My sister complains to me about how bad their behavior is, how they don't listen to her, how they are having problems at school. I've tried explaining its because of what happened to them this year. She insists it has nothing to do with that, that they have "had plenty of time to adjust". Even still, my sister makes it hard for BM to see the kids, she makes up excuses or just won't be at the house. She talks badly about BM every time I talk to her. While on the phone, she'll even say "Isn't this right, so and so, didn't BM do this". So I know she's badmouthing BM to the kids.

I should also mention that my sister is currently on probation herself, is unable to travel in the state I live plus 1 other state because she has outstanding warrants. She has had problems with drugs most her adult life. Her now husband and her have gotten into physical fights, normally after a night of drinking, which is often. While they have been dating for the past 3 years, it has always been on/ off. They fight, he kicks her out, a week or so later, she moves back in, sometimes its weeks, or even a few months. Every time something happens, she calls here crying about it.

I have never met the kids but I am scared for them. I don't think my sister would do anything physical to them, but I've seen what she can so mentally and emotionally to her own kids. Her BK don't live near me but we see them several times a year during all school breaks and summer and have for the past several years. (yes, I have more contact with them then my own sister :-( ) I just don't know what to do or say to her. We have never had a really good relationship. She called me out cussing at me when I refused to lie for her during her court proceeding when her ex petitioned custody for their oldest. The younger 2 have always lived with her ex but she kept the oldest because according to her it "make sense financially", he gets SSI.

I didn't mean for this to get so long, I apologize. I'm just so worried about these kids. I feel I need to say something about her forcing them to call her mom, about her pushing BM out of their lives, about badmouthing BM, about everything. But is she right, do I not have the right to say anything against because my SKs call me mom, because our BM is not very active in my SKs lives?

by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:12 AM
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by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 10:00 AM

Except for talking with your sister there is nothing you can do. 

by Platinum Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 10:51 AM
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Your sister sounds nuts.  If she has outstanding warrants, I would call her in if you know where she is.  I know BM got in trouble, but it sounds like your sister has been in MORE trouble.  Whys is she so worried about those kids when she doesn't care about her own? 

I think she only cares about those kids being there because of her idiot BF getting more money for his SSI.  It isn't for their well being.  They need to go back to their mom.

by Ruby Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:51 AM

yeah she sounds like a real winner......I agree with Glock-they should be with their mother....

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 12:17 AM
I agree with you also. I believe they would be better off with mom. I believe if she really truly wants to be "motherly", she should start with her own children.

I won't hide her or lie for her. She knows that so she doesn't give me much information. She stays off the grid for the most part. Doesn't work, no bills in her name, no I.D., no license, etc.

She wants sympathy from me for her "situation", but I can't. I feel sorry for the kids and for the BM but not my sister. I almost feel wrong for that but what my sister has done / is doing.
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by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 1:39 AM

I don't blame you.  I have no patience for people pulling crap no matter who it is.  It's why I stayed out my SIL's situ for a long time because it wasn't clear to me who the bad guy really was.  I only finally helped her when I saw for sure that her ex was threatening her/trying to blackmail her into giving him time that he wasn't entitled to and the things she was doing wrong were out of a misguided attempt to protect her daughter.  I helped her get to where she does absolutely nothing wrong, takes the short-term hit if she has to, and it helped the court to see who the bad guy really is.

How sad that this BM is going through this.  Even sadder for the kids who seem to have two parents that don't have their crap together.

by Hi, my name is... on Aug. 20, 2012 at 1:54 AM
Bump! Ill respond maƱana.
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