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Why do fathers have no rights?

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It seems no matter what you do full custody is awarded to the mother. That isn't fair. BM lives a trashy lifestyle. No respect for school. Has 4-5 people smokibg in the tiny trailor everyday. The child has no bed or bedroom. Their 1 bathroom is dilapidated and the sink is slumping almost to the floor. There are holes in all the walls and the place is always 80+ degrees. 5 people live in the tiny 2 bedroom trailor.
How is that a better situation than with his dad? Who is stable. Has provided the child his own bed and own room. He stimulates the child educationally. No smoking in the house, and a positive better life situation.
I think part of this is why our country is going down the tubes. The judge would rather let kids be raised to be low class than to have a better living situation, goals and strive for a better life.
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by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 12:22 PM
Replies (21-30):
Bells2000
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 1:35 PM

I'm confused...  4-5 people smoke in the trailor and 5 people live in the trailor?  so the kids smoke or is that guests?? how sure are you they are there every day??


feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 1:36 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry your dh can't see his son, neither can mine when bm isn't locked up. It takes a looooooong time to get things put in place be patient and don't stress too much about it. It won't make things better or go faster by worrying all the time
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MRLAdy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 1:37 PM
Yes, proof that she smokes and it affects the child.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Your DH has to take responsibility for his own actions and inaction also. He needed to learn his rights and as an unwed father he needed to establish his rights to his child and when BM left him alone, he should have filed for sole legal and physical custody of the child. He then left the child himself and that was how BM was able to regain custody.

Courts don't like to change custody, that is a fact, so unless BM is now proving a danger to her son and/or is neglecting him, not just poverty, your DH doesn't have much of a chance. Does BM smoke? Do you have documented proof of the smoking affecting the child?

Quoting MRLAdy:

Well they were never married. SS is 5. He has always been involved. BM left when SS was 1 and DH raised him alone. He was laid off from his job and tried for months to find another one. He should have gotten custody at this point. He left the child with grandparents because the only job he found was pretty far away. But he always kept in touch and visited his son as often as possible. He called almost every day. But there were times BM would not let him speak to SS on the phone. DH still tried. Now he has moved back to where SS lives and has 0 rights. No visitation.





Quoting chanizen:

What was his relationship with the kids before the divorce? How old are the kids.





A lot of people complain about this, but when the chips come down, the father wasn't the primary child care provider before the divorce, didn't fight for custody, and let their involvement be determined by the mother.





My dh has 50/50 and is highly involved and was ALL ALONG. His rights are being managed just fine.




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newStepmom05
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 1:54 PM

Fathers absolutely do have rights. 

In a lot of cases though, the courts look at the relationship unless theres some documentation for other factors. 


mom2boys664
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Fathers have rights but they need to fight for them. When I was a new stepmom, I so wanted my ex to see his kids more. His ex called all the shots, ignored the CO and pretty much let the kids decide when to see dad. Dad was sad and often depressed about not seeing his kids more. But he never did anything about it. Looking back, I pushed him for every phone call, every visit. I befriended BM and he sat back and let me. Now those kids are grown and he never sees them. He cries in his beer about it plenty, but doesnt do anything. We have a son together, and it's the same thing. He doesn't even ever ask to see ds. But he doesn't have anyone there pushing him.
Now on the other hand, my new husband has full custody of his kids. Their BM tried to keep the kids from him, told crazy lies and hid the kids. She was unstable. But he fought for them, and fought hard. It really shocked her. He never gave up, he pursued every means to be in the kids life. Eventually he was awarded custody. So if your dh wants to be in his kids life, he needs to keep going and not give up, if you know that BM is truly a danger, then he needs to document and fight, and never give up.
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MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Aug. 20, 2012 at 2:11 PM

My DH has 50/50. He had to fight tooth and nail to get that and to be a major part of SD's life. BM wanted to keep him away and the courts here tend to favor BM's. We never stopped, kept fighting, and he did get it. BUT he has always been a HUGE part of SD's life, even before the divorce.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 2:37 PM
1 mom liked this

So, when BM left and his child was with him, why did he not file for custody of the child?  Also, what is the original order?  Does BM have primary? 

Fathers have rights, but they have to strike when the iron is hot.  Your DH failed to do that when he had the chance.


MRLAdy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 2:50 PM
Exactly. He should have and didn't. There is no CO. She just filed for temporary emergency custody and got it. That is the only thing in place.


Quoting pepper504:

So, when BM left and his child was with him, why did he not file for custody of the child?  Also, what is the original order?  Does BM have primary? 

Fathers have rights, but they have to strike when the iron is hot.  Your DH failed to do that when he had the chance.



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GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 2:57 PM


Quoting pepper504:

So, when BM left and his child was with him, why did he not file for custody of the child?  Also, what is the original order?  Does BM have primary? 

Fathers have rights, but they have to strike when the iron is hot.  Your DH failed to do that when he had the chance.


Yep, he should have done this.  Instead, BM did it when the BF abandoned the child with his parents.

This definitely gives her more of a legal standing.  Its not that father's have no rights, its that father's a lot of the time don't do what needs done until it is too late to be done.  Then....they cry about how the have no rights.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:01 PM

Ok, well then all that can be done now is wait until the hearing takes place.  If there is not a current CO, then use THIS time to get one established.  Visitiation and CS should both be filed for.  When is the hearing date and what does the attorney that has been retained think?

Quoting MRLAdy:

Exactly. He should have and didn't. There is no CO. She just filed for temporary emergency custody and got it. That is the only thing in place.


Quoting pepper504:

So, when BM left and his child was with him, why did he not file for custody of the child?  Also, what is the original order?  Does BM have primary? 

Fathers have rights, but they have to strike when the iron is hot.  Your DH failed to do that when he had the chance.




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