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Posted by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:41 PM
  • 9 Replies

hi , my step daughhter is two and im expecting a child of my own with her father in a matter of days she lives with us due to the absence of her biological mother and i really try my best with her but recently after babysitting my little nephew who is her age and seeing how much more patient i am with him i started to feel guilty and im often the bad cop parent and i dont know if im being  to hard on her or not being lenient enough. and she often will call me mommy then switch to char which is a abrv of my name charleen is that a sighn she doesnt feel comfortable with me ??

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:41 PM
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by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:46 PM

My SO's daughter does that with me. She switches between mommy and my name. I wouldn't worry too much about that. She is just differentiating between you and her mom in her head. As for your other is always easier to be more patient with children who aren't yours or live with you full time. They don't know what pushes your buttons. They are just there for a little while so it is a lot easier. And make your DH be more of a "baad cop" parent. He should do more of the discipling anyway, right?

P.S. Periods after your sentences would make it a little easier to read. =)

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:47 PM

Kids are all different.  And she may feel torn, because you are SM.  Does she see BM ever?

Blend in!

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 4:02 PM

Thank you makes me feel better to know that the name thing is somewhat normal. And i am deffinatley going to let him be the bad cop more often

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 4:03 PM

yeah but once in awhile whenever her mom decides she wants to be her mom

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 9:16 PM

The child is 2...still a baby.  She's going to be and handful and your plate is already full with the baby due any day.   Since you're getting the SD at a young age you do have time on your side.  You will have some adjustments to make...but for now let daddy be the parent (bad cop) and you be the good cop (mom/char).  Tell your DH it needs to be this way 'cause 1) she needs the time to become adjusted to the new situation and 2) there's a baby on the way which means alot of work for you .  Good luck

by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 12:25 AM
1 mom liked this
It takes time. You won't feel the same about her as your own baby, but that's ok. There is a whole flood of hormones & chemicals that come into play with pregnancy, delivery, & nursing that help you love your own baby. Most of the time I don't feel strongly affectionate & bonded towards my skids even though they were only 2&3 when we got together. Instead of being hard on yourself for not having super strong "mommy" type feelings, be proud of the ones you do have. My feelings for them are more protective. I may not snuggle, baby talk, want them in my space all the time, but you screw with them... God have mercy on your soon-to-be-pummeled soul!!! I am a lioness! That I have to offer them.
by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 3:33 AM

I  understand. I notice I have way more patience with my nephew than my SS. It's because I've been with my nephew since birth. I took care of him as an infant, helped my sister out. I love my nephew more, that's why I have that patience.

The name juggling doesn't mean a thing. Dont' worry about it.

by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 9:33 PM
I'm more patient with my niece and nephew because I feel basically zero responsibility for how they turn out. Technically I suppose I'm not responsible for DSS either since he's not my kid, but I help raise him half the time, so if he turns out a little monster, I'll feel responsible in part anyway.
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 8:49 AM
Thanks all of u guys it really has helped
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