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Why is it CPs responsibility? EDIT

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To inform NCPof every little and big thing that occurs in NCP and CP's child(rens) lives? Why does CP need to hand feed NCP relationship with the kids?

NCPcan just as easily call the schools, coaches, hospitals, etc to get infomration and status on the children....FYI this is the preferred method when dealing with an impossible CP.

Why is it always CPs fault. Shit even some overstepping NCSP can do this for the NCP.

EDIT: When the CP does not volunteer the info is it his/her fault for not informating the NCP...its just as much the NCPs fault for not obtaining the info him/her self.

You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing

by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 1:54 PM
Replies (221-225):
by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 10:55 AM
For an out of state NCP, it's an absolute pain getting info from schools or doctors because they don't realize/believe that DH has shared custody despite the distance. They called his ex to "double check" that DH was allowed access, and she told them no and then ranted at him for "going behind her back." Later we found out she was trying to hide some things.

So now we have a CO that specifies that DH has a right to contact anybody regarding the kids, and she is required to tell us info immediately.
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by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 11:21 AM
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DH has no problem emailing BM report cards, awards, and photos of the skids. Now we aren't handing over the originals or anything, but what kinda stingy BS would it be to not share this stuff!?!? I guess I could understand if doing do caused major drama or the OP never called or visited... Then I say take the hint.
DH just sent BM about 30 snap shots of SSs first day getting on the bus. She didn't send a thank you (ever) but he's not just going to stop!

'Treat people the way you want to be treated. If nothing else you will look good in court'
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by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 6:11 PM
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NCP can call the schools, coaches, doctors. . .assuming you don't have a BM like DSS's that refuses to tell DH what soccer league DSS is playing on and keeps saying she "forgot" even when it turns out her bf's son played in the leage for years, who tells the school and doctors not to release info to DH and refuses to sign forms granting consent.

When we found out on the day of DSS's first practice that his practice was that day and he had no gear, it created a situation where we had to cancel plans last minute and run all over town trying to find a place that still had gear. DH had to add himself to the last minute change e-mail list because BM had listed herself and bf as DSS's parents and contacts. And the game schedule was online, but not the practice schedule, so even if she'd given him the league name, the site was crap with no coach contact info or practice info. DSS showed up the first day of practice to tell DH that since he didn't know, BM was more than happy to get him to take him if DH couldn't.

Same thing with DSS changing to the new charter -the website wasn't up and running yet, she told her friend who ran it not to release info to DH, then used it to control things "oh, he has Fri off so I'll just keep him your Thr and you can get him Fri after work" -no matter that both were working Fri, she was keeping him. When DH told BM he found the schedule online the 2nd year, she was pissed he "went behind her back" to get the info she was refusing to provide, especially since he started taking the Fri off to have his time. After that, she signed for the school to release other info since she apparently didn't care about the rest -just the control that knowing the schedule gave her to mess with DH's time. The school still won't send copies to DH of event notices they send home (they aren't announced online), so if BM doesn't tell him, he doesn't know if he doesn't make a point to go in and ask every week. He, on the other hand, makes note of the dates and makes sure the paper goes to BM when DSS goes back over. Really, she can't do the same?

She also lied to DH that DSS changed docs, started using only her insurance & not double-coverage that DH was paying for, and told the doc to release no info to DH. This only was changed with the mod he finally requested because he got tired of her crap. She signed and now DH went in to request records, which they said they could only copy & mail, so he's been waiting almost a month for them to do so. Not very useful when he calls to ask about a rash DSS has now that he apparently wasn't seen for because DSS was seen when he had it before and BM never told DH about it. Doc's office "doesn't have time" to dig through and find it, but DH can pay for them to copy 2 yrs of records and mail them.

So, when some of us say BM is withholding info to be a bitch, that's exactly what is going on. DH has tried to get info himself and BM puts up every road block she possibly can, then gets mad when DH manages to get some info anyway.
by Ruby Member on Aug. 22, 2012 at 6:43 PM

Quoting OregonMom80:

So, when some of us say BM is withholding info to be a bitch, that's exactly what is going on. DH has tried to get info himself and BM puts up every road block she possibly can, then gets mad when DH manages to get some info anyway.

Yes, there are definitely BMs out there withholding/blocking/not providing information just to be a bitch.  But not every BM is.  And maybe that is what this debate ultimately is.

I know the difference between enabling BFs lack of motivation to be an active part of his DDs lives and being a bitch putting up barriers.

I just find the assumption that BM is a bitch if she doesn't provide BF with everything tedious.  And more often than not, if you dig deep in the situations where a SM is complaining, you find a DH who made excuses for his lack of involvement.  It is usually pretty easy to tell the difference.  There is a not so subtle context to everything written.

I have a BM who puts up barriers to be a bitch.  I am shocked by some of the things she says and does.  But I have a DH that simply makes sure he can get as much information as he can independently.  Does she make things harder for him and the kids?  Yes.  Does he know 99.9% of what he needs to know?  Of course he does.  Does he have a deep enough relationship with his boys that ultimately he finds out the missing info.  Of course.  I can't imagine him just sitting back and not knowing SSs grades or teachers because BM didn't tell him.

by on Aug. 22, 2012 at 9:28 PM
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No, I dont expect CP to tell NCP eveything, but dont expect NCP to come running to the rescue in the event of a f-up.

Don't wait until the ant hill becomes a mountain and want help, when simple notification would have thwarted the situation.

Dont call the NCP worthless bc they didnt help in a situation that they knew nothing about, esp if it was deliberately omitted or denied.


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