I'm not sure how to address this with BM or even if I or DH should. Here's the deal:
When BM left DH, she didn't take anything with her of SD's. I mean NOTHING! When DH and I moved in together and got married, I started going through everything in the house. I found SD's crib card from when she was born, her ultrasound pics, her hospital bracelet, etc, etc. I also found her pics from the hospital. I put everything in a box. I also found all of her baby presents like the silver brush and mirror, silver cup, etc. I found her baby clothes and the clothes she had pics in, I mean I found EVERYTHING from when she was a baby. BM had shoved it down in the basement and a lot of the clothes and such were ruined but I tried to save them.
Ok, so fast forward a few years. My kids each have a baby book that I made them from the time they were born. They enjoy looking at them. SD told me and DH that BM never made her anything like that. It got me and DH to thinking... I found the box that had all of her baby stuff in it a month ago. DH asked me to make her a baby book, so him and I bought her one and started putting it together (with DH telling me everything that he knows to fill it out). There are a few things that DH honestly doesn't remember the answer to (when was SD's first "real" smile," questions like that).
SD LOVES this book. She looks at it everyday she's with us. I would like the book to be complete, but don't know if that's a big deal. Should I ask DH to ask BM a couple of the questions he wasn't sure about to see if BM remembers? Should I just leave well enough alone with it almost filled out?
Leave it alone. SD LOVES it the way it is.
U can make a shadow box with the clothes, silver brush, and other things.
Im sorry Im sure I know but I cant remember how is your relationship with bm? If y'all are cool then I would suggest that you call her and tell her your working on this book then after its finished sd can take it to show her. If she is included in the process she may not be upset.....
Bm and I are......civil, that's a good way to put it. We don't hate each other, but we aren't friends either. I'm not sure how BM would react to me, that's why I didn't know if DH should ask BM those questions if we said anything at all to BM.
Quoting saywhat2102:
Im sorry Im sure I know but I cant remember how is your relationship with bm? If y'all are cool then I would suggest that you call her and tell her your working on this book then after its finished sd can take it to show her. If she is included in the process she may not be upset.....
I like the shadow box idea...
Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:
Leave it alone. SD LOVES it the way it is.
U can make a shadow box with the clothes, silver brush, and other things.
I just made my SD a baby book for her 9th bday in June. She never had one but my DS has one and I could tell it upset SD sometimes. I've known SD since she was 5 mos, I put in whatever pics DH and I had, I called the hospital for her weight and length when she was born (DH knew the weight but wasn't positive). I wouldn't ask BM at all bc she didn't even care enough to keep SDs baby pics.
Shortly after giving SD the baby book, we went to visit SDs half sister, half sisters dad pulled out a box he had retrieved from a storage unit BM had stopped paying for that got auctioned off (guy that won the auction packed a box of papers and pictures and gave it to the cashier lady, who knows half sisters dad and called him). The papers were court papers with DHs ssn all over them, so we took all of those, and most of the baby pics. We let half sisters dad keep some bc he was a big part of SDs life as well..we just made sure to get all the nudey tub pics which I promptly packed away. But I was so thrilled to get some of SDs baby pics, pics of her and DH in the hospital, and stuff from before I knew her. There were some really cute pics and I was tearing up just thinking how could BM leave this all behind? The half sisters dad was going to mail the stuff to BM, but his mom kept yelling at him not to. I told him I agree with his mom...BM walked away from it all without a care in the world. Not only did she stop paying to store the stuff, but she couldn't even come here to get it. He had even offered to ship her stuff and she refused. She doesn't deserve the pictures of either child IMO.
I'm glad you made a book for your SD, girls especially really love those things and are happy to have them later.
Leave it alone........ahhh hell no since in taking a wonderful thing and turning it into poop so if SD loves it leave it. Maybe one day it can get finished...
I couldn't believe BM had left all of this stuff, but then again it didn't surprise me, BM even left SD at first. 2 days after she left, her lawyer told her she could get CS so she had the sheriff's office go pull SD out of DH's arms (no joke, long story). Most of SD's baby pics were ruined with water damage or they were digital in a computer and the computer crashed. It took me forever to find pics (I would find them in the weirdest places- books, drawers under the paper lining, etc). I have found enough to fill in the gaps from birth in the hospital to her 3rd bday (that's when I came into the picture). I even found a couple of old rolls of film and had them developed, they had SD's 1st and 2nd bday's on them!
The sad part is BM could have cared less. Then she had another child and when that kid turned 1, she asked DH if he had any baby pics of SD that she could have because she didn't have any. I mean, that was 4 years AFTER she left him. At least SD has 1 photo album from birth to 3, my kids have about 10 albums a piece from those ages. I also got the pics that MIL had to put in that album, that's all the pics that are left. Well I take that back- I found 2 more old rolls of film this weekend when I was cleaning out a storage room... No telling what's on them!
Quoting TJandKarasMom:
I would leave it for now, maybe someday SD can ask BM and fill it in herself.
I just made my SD a baby book for her 9th bday in June. She never had one but my DS has one and I could tell it upset SD sometimes. I've known SD since she was 5 mos, I put in whatever pics DH and I had, I called the hospital for her weight and length when she was born (DH knew the weight but wasn't positive). I wouldn't ask BM at all bc she didn't even care enough to keep SDs baby pics.
Shortly after giving SD the baby book, we went to visit SDs half sister, half sisters dad pulled out a box he had retrieved from a storage unit BM had stopped paying for that got auctioned off (guy that won the auction packed a box of papers and pictures and gave it to the cashier lady, who knows half sisters dad and called him). The papers were court papers with DHs ssn all over them, so we took all of those, and most of the baby pics. We let half sisters dad keep some bc he was a big part of SDs life as well..we just made sure to get all the nudey tub pics which I promptly packed away. But I was so thrilled to get some of SDs baby pics, pics of her and DH in the hospital, and stuff from before I knew her. There were some really cute pics and I was tearing up just thinking how could BM leave this all behind? The half sisters dad was going to mail the stuff to BM, but his mom kept yelling at him not to. I told him I agree with his mom...BM walked away from it all without a care in the world. Not only did she stop paying to store the stuff, but she couldn't even come here to get it. He had even offered to ship her stuff and she refused. She doesn't deserve the pictures of either child IMO.
I'm glad you made a book for your SD, girls especially really love those things and are happy to have them later.
I wouldn't worry. It's making SD happy. I would keep up with the book along with DH's help.
I'd be a bit irritated that a woman that wasn't even there was filling out my kids baby book even if it was years later.
I can't tell you how much red I saw when I went through my kids after I divorced my ex and found out that his sister's had gone through and filled things that they were involved in/saw but wasn't right. I had a lot filled in, but hadn't gotten to everything (and I divorced my ex when my oldest was a little over three, had another kid during that time, and had a million other things to deal with (like an abusive husband) and didn't have time to be perfect mom and fill the book out in its entirety... but I was slowly doing it)
I get she didn't fill one out, but that doesn't mean she would appreciate someone who wasn't around taking it upon herself to do this. I'd leave it alone. So just leave it as is... kid loves it, mom doesn't need to know.
Would you be insulted? And a second question...
- MomGoingCrazy78
on Aug. 21, 2012 at 2:26 PM