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Flakey SM?

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 6:29 PM
  • 61 Replies

I'm not really sure if this is the right place to post... just wanted maybe other people's thoughts...

I'm a mom to one boy and have been a single mom for the most part because the bio dad wasn't involved. He moved and lives another state since my baby was 1, he has since remarried and has a new wife (stepmom) and child. He never reaches out to me and hasn't helped me in anyway. I decided to take legal action and he won't sign court paperwork to release his rights. Long story short he finally has started paying child support but it's still the same, no contact with my son. He has only seen him once since he was 1 and that was because he came for the court hearing for CS and didn't want to pay any more then he had too. Granted he is in the military he reaches out to his family daily. What is bothering me most is that the new wife, (not really new since they have been married for 5 years??). The stepmom and half sibling have never talked or met my son and SM sent me a message asking if my son needs anything, yet we have no type of rapport? I asked her what's the deal, since bio dad never answers and wanted to know what her goal is, she never responded. It's annoying to say the least... Any thoughts?

by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 6:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sassy711
by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 7:53 PM
2 moms liked this

Give her some credit for reaching out and trying.  Maybe the bio-dad has changed and she's helping him become a better dad and person.  She may also be trying to reach out since her son does had a half brother (your son).  It's hard I know but you have to think about what's in the best interest of the child...not just here and now but also as an adult.  Do you want your son to come to you at 25 all mad and hurt because he has a brother he never got to know?  Just because the SM and 1/2 bro aren't your family doesn't mean there aren't your son's.  Sucks the big one I know, but it's true.  I had to really struggle with my girls having a relationship with their half siblings (who are 7 and 9, my girls are 18 and 22)  I knew that there really wasn't going to be any bonding as brothers and sisters due to the significant age difference and geographic distance, but those 2 little kids were part of my girls family now.  It didn't matter if I did or didn't like it.  It is what it is.  The payoff??  My 22 yr old telling me she now understands everything I did for her and her sister and is grateful that I tried and was kind about it (she thinks I'm kind...go figure!)  I was truthful and explained that it was a struggle but that I had to do the right thing.  This long post is so that you'll try for the sake of your son.  The SM is reaching out to you...be the bigger person and reach back for the sake of your child.  Good luck

ramita
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2012 at 8:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I would jus tell he doesnt need anything but u think it would be nice if he got to see and got to know his dad and half brother...try to be nice to her bc u dont know their relationship...this whole time they may have been having problems bc she wants him to be more involved and now she's decided to take what she can into her own hands...or maybe she's kept her mouth shut until now...i dunno why she done it these are just a couple scenarios i could think of
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KellyReedy
by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 8:36 PM
1 mom liked this

MAYBE she has felt all along that "dad" should be involved. And now that he is, she's just trying to be helpful to make up  for his past bullshit??

jmo

Blend in!

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Aug. 21, 2012 at 8:40 PM
4 moms liked this

 Or maybe she is finally taking a good look at her husband as a father and is getting worried herself. What a dead beat.

packermomof2
by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 8:43 PM
1 mom liked this

Just ignore her.  It isn't her place to contact you no matter what she thinks of the situation.  If dad isn't willing to take care of his kid, SM has to deal with that.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Aug. 21, 2012 at 8:50 PM
3 moms liked this

 

Quoting packermomof2:

Just ignore her.  It isn't her place to contact you no matter what she thinks of the situation.  If dad isn't willing to take care of his kid, SM has to deal with that.

 But dont you know? that only new girlfriends and SM's can turn around a dead beat dad. But here's the kicker......BM is supposed to buy into that bullshit that he is a GREAT dad! And if she doesnt follow suit, she's just being a bitter bitch!

Mindaria
by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 9:00 PM
1 mom liked this

I am some what in the same situation as you, except I am the Step Mother. My husband was never married to the BM of my SD and it was a very short relationship. She found a new man while she was pregnant with my SD and married him a few years later. She moved out of the state and took my SD when she was 6 months old knowing that my husband would not be able to make the trip to see his daughter. So for 7 years we could not be a part of her life. Then she moved back and we had to find out through my in laws. Once we did we eased in to trying to get some communication going. She lashed out with a vengeance and wanted nothing to do with us or my infant daughter. We then found out that my SD never even knew about us. She grew up thinking her SF was her Bio Father. She is now 10 and we have had some horrible ups and downs with my SD's Mother. Long story short we now spend almost every holiday together and are trying very hard to always think about the kids 1st. It may not be ideal and you may be hurt but put that aside for the best of the kids. If the SM is reaching out let accept it and hopefully your son will know his brother/or sister. 

packermomof2
by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 10:16 PM
2 moms liked this

If SM is reaching out because dad sucks I think she is overstepping her place.  No mom should have to put up with a woman whose husband sucks as a father sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. 

Kids need their parents, not their parents spouse trying to fix things.

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Aug. 21, 2012 at 10:34 PM
2 moms liked this
I disagree, if the wife has two kids with this guy then they are half brothers to OPs child. Maybe she is seeing dad for what he is, and trying to break the ice with OP so thatvthese siblings can all get to know each other.

I recently did something similar. We found out that my brother has a child in another state that he was not aware of. A product of a very brief fling, and the girl didn't tell him she was pregnant after she moved states. The child is now 5 and she suddenly wants cs so my brother found out about this child when he got served with a paternity order.

Anyway, I think what the chick did is pretty shitty, but that boy is still my nephew and my kids cousin. So I sent her a message, introducing myself, let her know we would like to get to know her, and asked if there was anything we could do for my nephew.

So while sm may have not sent the right message, its highly possible she has good intentions.





Quoting packermomof2:

Just ignore her.  It isn't her place to contact you no matter what she thinks of the situation.  If dad isn't willing to take care of his kid, SM has to deal with that.


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dragonfly06
by on Aug. 21, 2012 at 10:37 PM
1 mom liked this

 I personally would want my children to know their siblings, regardless of who reached out first.

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