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Tired of being disrespected!

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:54 AM
  • 19 Replies

My step daughter has caused my feelings for my husband to be in jepordy. I find myself pulling away more and more each day. She plays this game, she is rude and disrespectful to me whenever her dad is not around, I have tried over the years to address this by myself and have gotten no where! I have also tried addressing it with her dad, but when he does try to talk to her she plays the guilt card and makes her dad feel like an awful father. With things like, I feeel like she has taken you away from me. We dont get to spend time together anymore. This coming from a child that walks in the house right past her dad and doesnt say a word. Not a hello not anything. The only time she ever speaks to him is when she wants something. Other than that she is RUDE to him as well. The issue has never been resolved do to this repeating itself. She doesnt follow any rules in our home, she does what she wants and always seems to be able to play daddys sympathy cord.  I cant stand it anymore and it is ruining my relationship. Should I just give up? This has been going on for 3 years now. I dont see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

frustratedmo161

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
fancypantswife
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:15 AM

BUMP!! gonna keep a eye on this post. Im looking for answers to the very same thing.,

lilangilyn
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this

I think there are a couple of things you can try.

One, is to record her when he is not around. That way he can see it for himself. Nanny cam style.

Second, I would encourage him to do a lot of things just with her. Take her on a daddy/daughter date night, or spend the day just with her at a mall or amusement park. In other words, let them have their relationship away from you a little. This might stop some of that sympathy business where she tugs on his heart strings.

Then you use that time when they are gone to nurture and recharge. And reset the Nammy cam. :)

And read the disengaging essay on steptogether.org. It might really help you.

frustratedmo161
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:30 AM

I have tried numerous times to encourage dad to do whatever it was they did when I was not around. The problem is, she has no desire to do anything with him. She only wants to lay around in her room. She only says those things when she is being addressed for something because she knows it will turn the subject away from her and it works..... hook line and sinker!

sassy711
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:32 AM

lilangilyn is right on the money.  It truely is amazing at how a dad will completely turn around when confronted with PROOF of his child's bad behavior.  Your SD is playing a game and believes she holds the trump card.  You need to negate that.  By putting in a few NannyCam's  (one in the living room, one in the kitchen at bare minimum, but not your bedroom, her bedroom or bathrooms) you will get the proof you need.  This really isn't just about proving to DH that SD is playing him...it's really about teaching your SD that she's not entitled, that she can't get away with bad behavior, that there are consequences.  I'm betting that once you show DH proof of her bad behavior, that SD will be ashamed of herself.  Most of the time kids really do want to be good...it just that when they're allowed to get away with bad behavior they think that's the right thing.  A few daddy/daughter outings wouldn't hurt either...but keep an eye on that...she may use it as an opportunity to get more $$ out of daddy!!!   Good luck

spykgurlcom
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:34 AM
How old is she? My SD did the same thing, the finally we told her bs. She is he one that pulled away, not him and she can either be apart of this family or stop bitching.
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frustratedmo161
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:43 AM

She is 19 now. I am to the point that if she cannot respect me and follow the rules and be a part of the "family" then she doesnt need to come over anymore. I do not enjoy being at my own home anymore.

rose0919
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:45 AM

your sd isnt ruining your relationship your dh is.he needs to parent her. not ignore her rudness. maybe he needs to spend one on one time with her. how old is she?

rose0919
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:49 AM

at 19 she is an adult. dh needs to stand up to her like an adult. dh made the mess now he needs to deal with it. she doesnt come to your home, he needs to meet her somplace else if he wants to see her.

Quoting frustratedmo161:

She is 19 now. I am to the point that if she cannot respect me and follow the rules and be a part of the "family" then she doesnt need to come over anymore. I do not enjoy being at my own home anymore.


ramita
by Silver Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Well then dh needs to offer and offer to go somewhere with her and when she says no then use that with her when she gets in trouble...its her own fault if she doesnt have daddy/daughter time...so then ur dh shouldnt feel so bad
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frustratedmo161
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 11:52 AM

During our last talk that is pretty much what I told him. I told him she has been allowed to get away with it since she was 15 so why wouldnt she continue. I told him that I blamed him for allowing it to go on. He does not know how to stand up to her. He tries and she knocks him down every time. It is sad. He is not strong enough when it comes to her. She lies, she plays her dad and mom against each other, she plays us against each other, she wrecks the vehicles (6x), doesnt do what she is asked, the list goes on.... I have never once seen her be repremanded or punished for any of it.

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