Something you should know is that for some reason I am unable to conceive right now and we have no idea why… I have always wanted a baby boy. I lost my first son when he was 15mons old… then at the beginning of this month I had a miscarriage… So he is all I have and I love him as though I were the one who gave birth to him!
I wanted to get some opinions on what you would do if you were in my shoes with my 7yr old... He knows that I am not his birth mother, he knows her name and he knows he has brothers from her. Well when my son was little she was a 2 faced heartless B*%#@. She didn't tell my DH that she was pregnant and she didn't tell him when his son was born. When DH found out that he was a dad SS was already 4 going on 5mons old. DH fought for 2 years to get soul custody of SS but the phyco B*%#@ kidnapped SS. When DH finally found her and got SS back she only saw him again a hand full of time. Then by the time he was 2 she never saw him again. She stopped calling all but once a yr in Aug? And yet so far she has to call this yr. she has even said out loud to we're he could hear that she hates him and she wants nothing to do with SS unless she can have my DH back in her life.
So my DH and I fight about this all the time. He says he does not what tone the bad guy and keep SS from talking to her or seeing her ever again cause then when he grows up and finds out he thinks SS will hate him for it. DH also tells me that is his mother and if she wants to play mommy for 5 mins once a yr he does not care?????? IT'S EFFECTING MY SS LIFE…… the last time she called she yelled at him for calling me mommy and her by her name. She and I went rounds last year with her big ass mouth if hers and I told her whats up and what I thought about all of this. My SS is so confused when he is done talking to her. She said she was coming to see him for Xmas last year (HAHAHAHA would NEVER happen 1st off) he talked about it for MONTHS Xmas came around and she never called or showed up.
I want this crazy phycodic low life good for nothing pos out of my SS life for good. I talked to my DH about it and I'm going to adopt him!
What would you do if you were me?? Do you think I'm right or wrong?
First of all, you are mad at the wrong person. BM is not your issue, DH's attitude towards it all is your issue. If he is ok with her playing mommy for 5 mins a year, then there is nothing that you can do. You've stated your opinion to him and he did not agree with it.
Second, BM's rights have to be terminated before you can adopt her child. That being said, hope that you have everything that you need to do that.
Lastly, one piece of advice for you, BM will always be his mom. Regardless of whether you adopt him or not. No matter what a POS parent she is, that is his mom and he is going to always love her regardless of who/what she is. If you do not realize that, you are in for a world of hurt and hatred for a long time. I suggest that before you all terminate her rights and then go through the adoption process that you all do some counseling.
I can sympathize with ur frustrations and cares but unfourtantly legaly this isnt your battle. DH is right. SS may grow up and resent you guys. A biological bond is going to be there reguardless of what a parent does. SS will grow up and find out for himself and then make his own decisions. Until then just support him and love him.
He and I come from to different points of views, people saw my BM was a bad person so they took me away and never let me see or talk to her again. People saw his father was a no so good guy DH's mother out of the kindness of her heart let DH father see and talk to them.
Quoting pepper504:First of all, you are mad at the wrong person. BM is not your issue, DH's attitude towards it all is your issue. If he is ok with her playing mommy for 5 mins a year, then there is nothing that you can do. You've stated your opinion to him and he did not agree with it.
Second, BM's rights have to be terminated before you can adopt her child. That being said, hope that you have everything that you need to do that.
Lastly, one piece of advice for you, BM will always be his mom. Regardless of whether you adopt him or not. No matter what a POS parent she is, that is his mom and he is going to always love her regardless of who/what she is. If you do not realize that, you are in for a world of hurt and hatred for a long time. I suggest that before you all terminate her rights and then go through the adoption process that you all do some counseling.
Quoting Hiddensoul:
Her rights were terminated when he was 2. She only talks to him DH tries to do it out of the kindness of his heart?
He and I come from to different points of views, people saw my BM was a bad person so they took me away and never let me see or talk to her again. People saw his father was a no so good guy DH's mother out of the kindness of her heart let DH father see and talk to them.
Quoting pepper504:First of all, you are mad at the wrong person. BM is not your issue, DH's attitude towards it all is your issue. If he is ok with her playing mommy for 5 mins a year, then there is nothing that you can do. You've stated your opinion to him and he did not agree with it.
Second, BM's rights have to be terminated before you can adopt her child. That being said, hope that you have everything that you need to do that.
Lastly, one piece of advice for you, BM will always be his mom. Regardless of whether you adopt him or not. No matter what a POS parent she is, that is his mom and he is going to always love her regardless of who/what she is. If you do not realize that, you are in for a world of hurt and hatred for a long time. I suggest that before you all terminate her rights and then go through the adoption process that you all do some counseling.
Quoting Polkadotted:
I think your dh is right. Let things go. He'll figure out things on his own. 5-7 was the hardest with SD. Over the last year she has learned to handle BMs in and out better. And I am positive about what I can be with her mom. We talk about her a lot. Well for awhile we did but SD hardly brings her up anymore. But I'm not going to do anything that will come back to bite me. They will never be able to claim that we kept her away from them. That's all on her.
Quoting Polkadotted:
So are you both well adjusted? Do either of you hold resentments to anyone because of your pasts?
Quoting Hiddensoul:
Her rights were terminated when he was 2. She only talks to him DH tries to do it out of the kindness of his heart?
He and I come from to different points of views, people saw my BM was a bad person so they took me away and never let me see or talk to her again. People saw his father was a no so good guy DH's mother out of the kindness of her heart let DH father see and talk to them.
Quoting pepper504:First of all, you are mad at the wrong person. BM is not your issue, DH's attitude towards it all is your issue. If he is ok with her playing mommy for 5 mins a year, then there is nothing that you can do. You've stated your opinion to him and he did not agree with it.
Second, BM's rights have to be terminated before you can adopt her child. That being said, hope that you have everything that you need to do that.
Lastly, one piece of advice for you, BM will always be his mom. Regardless of whether you adopt him or not. No matter what a POS parent she is, that is his mom and he is going to always love her regardless of who/what she is. If you do not realize that, you are in for a world of hurt and hatred for a long time. I suggest that before you all terminate her rights and then go through the adoption process that you all do some counseling.
It appears that DH is the one to call the shots and you need to accept that. Does not mean that you have to like that. Personally, I think that your DH should put SS in counseling since he is having these issues with regards to his BM. I also think that DH is thinking about his child and thinks that giving BM some sort of contact is better than nothing. His heart is in the right place, but apparently it is a huge issue with regards to SS.
Like I said, your issue is with DH, not BM. DH is the one allowing this to happen. KWIM?
Quoting Hiddensoul:
Her rights were terminated when he was 2. She only talks to him DH tries to do it out of the kindness of his heart?
He and I come from to different points of views, people saw my BM was a bad person so they took me away and never let me see or talk to her again. People saw his father was a no so good guy DH's mother out of the kindness of her heart let DH father see and talk to them.
Quoting pepper504:First of all, you are mad at the wrong person. BM is not your issue, DH's attitude towards it all is your issue. If he is ok with her playing mommy for 5 mins a year, then there is nothing that you can do. You've stated your opinion to him and he did not agree with it.
Second, BM's rights have to be terminated before you can adopt her child. That being said, hope that you have everything that you need to do that.
Lastly, one piece of advice for you, BM will always be his mom. Regardless of whether you adopt him or not. No matter what a POS parent she is, that is his mom and he is going to always love her regardless of who/what she is. If you do not realize that, you are in for a world of hurt and hatred for a long time. I suggest that before you all terminate her rights and then go through the adoption process that you all do some counseling.
A Tale of Two Sisters...My Entry into the COD Debate
- Hiddensoul
on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:57 AM