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What is wrong with these people?

Posted by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 8:14 PM
  • 22 Replies

I don't get why people would want to be mean to children. My SD is going through hell every time she goes to BM's. Luckily she only has to be there EOWE. The last two times she threw a huge fit so of course they brought her home. If she's not perfectly behaved and won't listen to them it's my fault. She listens to DH and I just fine. She's a normal 8 year old girl that just happens to have some issues.

Basically BM and SF think it's my job to make her listen to them and respect them. I taught her to respect adults so it's not my fault that she doesn't listen to them. I wouldn't either with the way they treat her.

Her SF has in the past couple of months told her she's: fat, ugly, looks like a boy and that her haircut is ugly.

BM has done some equally bad things. She dragged her up the stairs by her arm while she was throwing a fit. They are always trashing us right in front of her. She hates being there. There have been so any times where she has begged and cried for me not to take her there.

I can't do anything about any of it either. We have a parenting plan so she has to go there.

She has a therapist that she sees EOW. The therapist reported everything that had happened earlier this year and nothing came of it. Well unless you count them treating my SD even worse.

My SD is a great kid and I've been raising her with DH since she was 4. She almost 9 now and minus BM's influence she's doing great. I just wish they would see what they are doing to her. There is only so much I can say to make her feel better.

She already wishes BM was dead. I've lost count how many times she's said that.

 

by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 8:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EmBoogRaysMommy
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 11:40 PM

Maybe you could give your SD the option to go see her BM. If she chooses not to go then I wouldn't force her. She is at an age where even if BM takes y'all to court for not making SD go see her BM EOW, your SD would have the opportunity to tell the judge what is happening and why she doesnt want to go. Just an idea.

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Aug. 27, 2012 at 11:44 PM


Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

Maybe you could give your SD the option to go see her BM. If she chooses not to go then I wouldn't force her. She is at an age where even if BM takes y'all to court for not making SD go see her BM EOW, your SD would have the opportunity to tell the judge what is happening and why she doesnt want to go. Just an idea.


We would love to do that but we can't afford the legal battle right now. I'm still trying to fina job and DH can't take time off his job right now.

We're just kind of waiting for something to happen that we can prover. All we have now is an 8 year old that doesn't want to do something.

mirm99
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 11:48 PM
That's sad... And what kind of person tells a child they're fat and ugly!!! Uugg I would if gone there and kicked his you know what!(not that it would help any) but how frustrating!!

Have you gone to see a lawyer to find out if shes at an age where she can testify and say she doesn't want to go w bm.. And what they do to her over there?... Poor baby that's so sad!.. Good luck momma I hope you guys can get her out of that situation soon..
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EmBoogRaysMommy
by on Aug. 28, 2012 at 9:22 AM

It wouldn't cost you anything for court if that is your main concern. If BM has a problem with it then she has to pay to take you to court. When my SS didn't want to go see his mom I was told that if I can not physicaly put him in the car and force him to go and he refuses then that's just too bad for his BM.

Quoting KimberlyMKasten:

 

Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

Maybe you could give your SD the option to go see her BM. If she chooses not to go then I wouldn't force her. She is at an age where even if BM takes y'all to court for not making SD go see her BM EOW, your SD would have the opportunity to tell the judge what is happening and why she doesnt want to go. Just an idea.


We would love to do that but we can't afford the legal battle right now. I'm still trying to fina job and DH can't take time off his job right now.

We're just kind of waiting for something to happen that we can prover. All we have now is an 8 year old that doesn't want to do something.


EmBoogRaysMommy
by on Aug. 28, 2012 at 10:36 AM

Also, it might help for all 4 of you to sit down with your SD and her therapist and let her make a list of the things that bother her and talk about each thing. I would encourage her to no only talk about thing that happen when she is w/ BM but also if there is something that is bothering her while she is at your home too. The therapist could act as a mediator which would make it easier for your SD to be open and honest with everyone without so much of a feeling that she will be attacked or ignored. And making a list of things that bother her at your home too will make her BM not feel as though she is being attacked which will probably make her more open to listening to what her daughter has to say. It may just be that BM doesn't realize how much she is hurting her little girl.

Quoting KimberlyMKasten:

 

Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

Maybe you could give your SD the option to go see her BM. If she chooses not to go then I wouldn't force her. She is at an age where even if BM takes y'all to court for not making SD go see her BM EOW, your SD would have the opportunity to tell the judge what is happening and why she doesnt want to go. Just an idea.


We would love to do that but we can't afford the legal battle right now. I'm still trying to fina job and DH can't take time off his job right now.

We're just kind of waiting for something to happen that we can prover. All we have now is an 8 year old that doesn't want to do something.


rebeccasmly
by on Aug. 28, 2012 at 10:41 AM

I will never understand it either. My heart goes out to any child who has to be placed in that situation. Hopefully something can be resolved soon for your SD.

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Aug. 28, 2012 at 11:35 AM


Quoting mirm99:

That's sad... And what kind of person tells a child they're fat and ugly!!! Uugg I would if gone there and kicked his you know what!(not that it would help any) but how frustrating!!

Have you gone to see a lawyer to find out if shes at an age where she can testify and say she doesn't want to go w bm.. And what they do to her over there?... Poor baby that's so sad!.. Good luck momma I hope you guys can get her out of that situation soon..

That was kind of my reaction too. My heart breaks for her everytime she has to go anywhere near them.

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Aug. 28, 2012 at 11:37 AM


Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

It wouldn't cost you anything for court if that is your main concern. If BM has a problem with it then she has to pay to take you to court. When my SS didn't want to go see his mom I was told that if I can not physicaly put him in the car and force him to go and he refuses then that's just too bad for his BM.

Quoting KimberlyMKasten:

 

Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

Maybe you could give your SD the option to go see her BM. If she chooses not to go then I wouldn't force her. She is at an age where even if BM takes y'all to court for not making SD go see her BM EOW, your SD would have the opportunity to tell the judge what is happening and why she doesnt want to go. Just an idea.


We would love to do that but we can't afford the legal battle right now. I'm still trying to fina job and DH can't take time off his job right now.

We're just kind of waiting for something to happen that we can prover. All we have now is an 8 year old that doesn't want to do something.

 

We've tried getting something done with the state and they wouldn't do anything. It only made it worse. The money is not our main concern. If we thought it would help we would have already went to court.

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Aug. 28, 2012 at 11:40 AM


Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

Also, it might help for all 4 of you to sit down with your SD and her therapist and let her make a list of the things that bother her and talk about each thing. I would encourage her to no only talk about thing that happen when she is w/ BM but also if there is something that is bothering her while she is at your home too. The therapist could act as a mediator which would make it easier for your SD to be open and honest with everyone without so much of a feeling that she will be attacked or ignored. And making a list of things that bother her at your home too will make her BM not feel as though she is being attacked which will probably make her more open to listening to what her daughter has to say. It may just be that BM doesn't realize how much she is hurting her little girl.

Quoting KimberlyMKasten:

 

Quoting EmBoogRaysMommy:

Maybe you could give your SD the option to go see her BM. If she chooses not to go then I wouldn't force her. She is at an age where even if BM takes y'all to court for not making SD go see her BM EOW, your SD would have the opportunity to tell the judge what is happening and why she doesnt want to go. Just an idea.


We would love to do that but we can't afford the legal battle right now. I'm still trying to fina job and DH can't take time off his job right now.

We're just kind of waiting for something to happen that we can prover. All we have now is an 8 year old that doesn't want to do something.

 

We've tried talking to them in the past. They are not reasonable people. She isn't willing to make the drive to be a part of my SD's life.

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Aug. 28, 2012 at 11:42 AM


Quoting rebeccasmly:

I will never understand it either. My heart goes out to any child who has to be placed in that situation. Hopefully something can be resolved soon for your SD.


BM sent me a message when she was bringing her back home the last time she brought her back because she threw a fit. It said we need to talk as parents. We were hoping that she was going to say she was going to step back or something. Sadly no, she just wanted us to teach my SD how to respect them and listen to them. Not sure how we can do something when we are not there.

 

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