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Is SM easier to blame?

Posted by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:10 PM
  • 59 Replies

Based on the post with the Dad's profile (bio) on his company website, I realize that even if BF is the parent who crossed some line or did something to upset BM, somehow the SM is still blamed by the BM.

SMs: Have you noticed that BM blames you for issues she has with DH or things that he did?

BMs: Do you blame SM for things BF does? Is SM behind most things BF does?

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CoochieLibre
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:21 PM
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Not too long ago, BM made some comments via text about how SO was teaching his daughter how to be immoral because he was dating me. She said that since I have been divorced twice and had a child at 21, her daughter would also go down the same path. I told him the nice thing about being with me is that I can be her scapegoat anytime the kids do something she doesn't agree with. Wish I had a scapegoat...

MakesPrtyBabies
by Member on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:23 PM
It's my fault when she's drunk and texts to complain about something she doesn't agree with (and typically has nothing to do with her).
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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:23 PM
1 mom liked this

BM thinks everything is my fault.  She calls me Ms. Controlling.  It's talent that she can bring EVERYTHING back to being my fault.

ramita
by Silver Member on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:24 PM
I've never had to deal with a sm but in my case both me and the bf got the blame from bm...it wasnt just mine or just his it was both of us doing something horrible...or atleast thats what she thought...
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rose0919
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this

lol i get blamed for everything !!!!  taking dh away from her, her losing her job(if i didn't take dh she wouldn't have dated a guy that is a convicted child molester and she wouldn't have lost her job at the day care because he would come visit her) ,her drug addiction(because she got mixed up  with the child molester and had no job  she tried drugs because she was depressed about me taking dh from her), her living conditions(she doesn't clean but she never did she should have the big house dh bought for me,,, ummm i had my home before dh he didn't buy it for me) it goes on and on how she blames me. my sister has an ro against her because she followed my sister and attacked her because of me.dh told her before we even started dating he wasn't going back to her. but it was all my fault. even though dh dated a few women before me but after her!

i dont deal with bm. she comes after me. she harrasses me but its all my fault!

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:28 PM
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As a BM, I never blamed my son's SM for stuff that my ex did.  I knew damn well what he was capable of and even if SM had a hand in the shenanigans (a way too nice word for stupid BS shit they did to me, but oh well) it was my ex all the way because he agreed to it.

As an SM I try to have very little contact with BM so as to minimize her blaming me for anything.  So far this tactic has worked well for me.

FresshAir
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:29 PM

I am really not being snarky here, but in my situation, BM honestly has a very hard time accepting any kind of responsibility for her behavior and scatters blame everywhere she can, so it is difficult to distinguish who gets blamed more.  We are all targets - DH, me, SD, the legal system, the soccer coach... the list goes on.  She isn't allowed to speak to us, and is only allowed to email with DH, so it can seem targeted at him mostly.  When she does try to target me, he shuts it down, so she has learned not to say much to him, but will, however, say it to everyone else.  She has even tried to get me arrested for things I never did.  It is a part of her psychosis (as determined by our court appointed counselor) and she needs a lot of help, but refuses.  It's sad; that's no way to be happy. 

SmokyMtnMomma07
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:29 PM
Same here. We was in a huge fight last year & ever since I don't talk to her unless I absolutely have to. BM is a major pain & everything is my fault. But I sign the check she gets & so she has to be some what nice to me.

Quoting WifeyC:

BM thinks everything is my fault.  She calls me Ms. Controlling.  It's talent that she can bring EVERYTHING back to being my fault.

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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:31 PM
I've never blamed my ex's SO. I take that back! Sometimes I've given gf credit(even if she is crazy ghetto fab.) bc she tries to make my ex see his kids more I think. Thats cool.

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dallas4nu
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 4:33 PM
No I've never been blamed for dh behavior. But I've seen a lot of bm on here jump to blame sm. Your example in particular ;-)

The more time I spend in this group the more I realize how lucky dh and I are to have a (mostly) normal bm!!



**I should add that I am usually the voice of reason between dh and bm. I can help him see her POV and vice versa.
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