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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Growing up - YOUR family

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I've seen conversations on this here before but wanted to re-hash it in light of some recent posts...

When you were growing up, and now, what kind of family did you have? 
Has it helped your journey as a Step Mom or Bio Mom? 

by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Replies (21-30):
SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Aug. 29, 2012 at 10:17 PM
My parents divorced when I was 8 months old. My BF had 2 kids before me but signed away rights so my mom was never a SM. My BF remarried shortly after but never took visitaion with me so I've never met the SM there. My mom remarried when I was 4. My SF had 2 adult children and a grandson who is a year younger than me. The bulk of my family growing up was 'step'. My mom and SF divorced when I was 22. SF and his family have had little to do with me since, due to the cicumstances of the divorce. My grandparents on my moms side were married 50+ years when my grandpa passed. Grandma is still a widow at 90. My BFs parents were married till my grandma passed when I was 18 and then grandpa remarried and he passed right before YDD was born. SFs parents were married till my grandpa passed. Grandma didn't remarry and she passed a few years back too. My family has overall been 'older' as in waiting till their late 20s early 30s to start families.

Both my mom and aunt are adopted, so there are only a handful of people I know who are 'blood' family (that includes my kids). Blood has never been a defining factor of 'family' for me.

DHs parents were married and his dad passed away when he was 10. DH is the mifdle child of 3. His mom hasn't remarried and only started dating a few years ago...her husband has be gone almost 20 years now. DH has a huge family...one of those small town, related to everyone
things. Except for me who is related to no one, lol.

DH has SS10 with BM and they were married for a short time. BM gets minimal visitation with SS. My ODD6 has never met her BF, we were never married and DH is the only dad she knows. YDD1 is mine and DHs. I think my experience helps some, though I can't imagine going back and forth between homes like SS does.

BM is in the middle of 6 kids from I think 3 different men. Big mess that family is.
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CoochieLibre
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 10:46 PM

My mother lived with an abusive alcoholic mother and a father who was unable to protect her. At the age of 15 she decided the best way to get out was to get pregnant and be "forced" to marry my 16 year old father. He turned out to be abusive as well, and she left him at 17 while pregnant with my younger sister. 

I had several "stepfathers"  over the years as she married quite a few times before finally giving up on the idea of marriage about 12 years ago. Coincidentally her current relationship has been her longest (12 years). 

slashteddy
by Member on Aug. 29, 2012 at 10:51 PM

Mom was never married to my bio dad. She was a drunk and a drug addict. Married my stepdad when I was about 4, had two sons, one of whom passed away, and divorced at 8. She moved back in with my grandparents and I and developed severe psoriasis to the point she was too self-conscious and depressed to let anyone, even family, see her... she became a recluse. Stopped paying child support so my stepdad stopped bringing little bro around. My stepdad and half brother I didn't meet again until I was 21 (I hadn't seen him since he was 3 and by then he was 15). My bio dad I found when I was 22, and then found out I had five half-brothers through him as well.

Every other married couple in my family growing up was severely physically and emotionally/verbally abusive to each other, even in front of the kids, including my grandparents, who still get in fist fights to this day. One of my male cousins sexually abused all his female cousins for years, but despite us telling the adults about it they insisted "We don't talk about that kind of thing in THIS house," and ignored it.

Pretty broken family. As for being a step mom I'm kind of lost. Bio mom - ask me again after I give birth in December, lol. At the very least I know what NOT to do.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 29, 2012 at 11:01 PM

Growing up in my family made me not feel some of the insecurities some SMs have, like my mother I am my husband's only wife. I know we can exist without SM and BM crossing each other's paths.

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Aug. 29, 2012 at 11:10 PM

My mom and dad were married until I was 13, after they divorced I lived with my mom for about two years and visited Dad basically whenever I wanted. Then at age 15 I mostly lived with my Dad. My mom had a BF in my late teens who I did not like but I was basically out of the house. My Dad had a couple girlfriends, both I got along with and actually wanted them to be motherly figures in my life, I was an older teen though so I was already fairly independent

truly.a.taurus
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2012 at 11:13 PM
I grew up with my older sister that has a different father and a younger sister and brothe. Older sister is the only one with a different father. My dad and mom were together until all of us were out of high school. My older sister has no relationship with our dad and we all have strained relationships with him. As far as step life, i didn't learn how to deal with step issues. My mom did everything for all of us. My dad did transportation for us to and from events but favors my younger sister.

Lotusflower_21
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 11:20 PM
My parents are still together. My family always supported each other. When I divorced my family promised to support me help me. That was four years ago. My family stopped all communication with me when I married outside my race.
This has not helped me in my journey because everything I learned about unconditional love as a child has been shattered.
Manda12702
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 3:36 AM

 My parents are married, and have been for 30 years. They are both still very active in my life. I have two younger brothers, neither are married and neitherhave children. My parents raised me to be respectful and work hard for the things I wanted. Growing up in an intact family and now being part of a step family just makes me want to have an intact family. I see no real benefits to a blended situation.

Mindaria
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 4:19 AM

My father had 4 kids with his 1st wife They are all 20+ years older then myself and my twin sister. She left and abandoned my father to raise 3 boys and 1 girl alone. He then met my mother married her and then 5 years later had my twin sister and I. My father was a big time drunk, from morning till night and even in the middle of the night he would drink. He was meaner then anyone I have ever come in contact with also. My mother was very pretty and vain as all hell. Caught them from the time I was 2+ having affairs with other people. My older half siblings were all junkies (meth) and drunks. So any time we had anything nice it would get stolen. I remember one time when I was 5 years old ridding in the car with my mother on the way to one of her boyfriends house, and I told her she had to pick, she couldn't keep my dad and her boyfriends. 4th of July when I was 11 I remember watching the adults in our backyard sitting around a bonfire and BBQing (drinking of course) and my mother told my father right there in front of everyone that she was leaving him for his best friend (that my dad let live with us till he got on his feet.) He threw a beer bottle at him a fight broke out, my mother left and I didn't see or hear from her for almost a year. My father took all of his anger for my mother out on me. He made my life hell, but at least he was there unlike my mother. My father had throat cancer when I was 15 so I had to start home schooling to take care of him threw chemo treatments. I did everything from cleaning to cooking for him, myself and my twin sister and on and off for 4 of my nephews since their parents had been busted for drugs on and off and were in and out of prison. My father regularly had strangers in our house, druggies, strippers...it was horrible. He regularly beat me and would throw me out in the middle of the night in a drunken rage. I stayed because if I ran away I thought he would hurt my sister. I stayed till we were 17..we got in to our last fight. He came at me and tried to choke me, I was able to fight him off and as I was trying to get out the front door he kicked me in the back and knocked me down the stairs to our house and told me I was a piece of shit cunt whore just like my mother. I left and only went back to make sure my sister had money to get food and clothes. When she left for college was the only time I was able to relax. I do talk to my father now he just got sober for the 1st time, he will be 79 soon. My mother and I have healed our broken relationship and I have forgiven both of them. 


I am a mother to an amazing 4 year old little girl, and a SM to an incredible 10 (almost 11) year old girl. I have been married for 8 years (with for 10) I'm very fortunate that I never allowed how I grew up to dictate how I was going to become as an adult and a mother. 

ManicAttack
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 6:13 AM

My parents split up when I was 3ish.  My mom has been with my stepdad for 22 years, my dad has been with my stepmom for 20.  

One full brother
Half brother- mom and stepdad
Two stepsisters, two stepbrothers- stepdad
One stepbrother- stepmom

My life was crazy.  I'll cut out the details.  But it was a big custody war from the time I was 3 until I was 15.  My dad gave up because other than the one year he got custody, my mom and brother managed to manipulate the courts into believing she was a saint and my dad wasn't worthy.

I have a good relationship with both of my step parents.  My stepmom drove me nuts with her crazy strictness, but I know why now.  I'm not strict but I have my life the way I want it, which is what she had, and I don't want anyone messing with it- also how she was.  She had raised her only son by the time she had any long period of time with me and my brother, and it "screwed up" her schedule, so she was jilted by this.  I hated it back then, but I understand it now.  It's hard to go from living a certain way, once you're an adult and able to do things YOUR way, to having it thrown into chaos because someone you're in love with has children that are not yours.  My dad sort of let her take the reins since he was gone a lot (he traveled for work 75% of the time), so that was hard.  I'm glad SO doesn't travel!

I wish more women could be like men when it comes to dealing with the new person in the ex's lives.  I rarely hear horror stories about dad and stepdad getting into it.  My dad and stepdad got along great.  My mom and stepmom hated each other.  

I'm indifferent to BM although I have opinions on the things she does.  I do not have any contact with her so the only things I'm aware of when it comes to her are what SS and SO tell me.  Or what I hear from other people.

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