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Spin off of "Is Stepmom Easier to Blame" Edit

Posted by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:41 AM
  • 21 Replies
1 mom liked this

How about "Is Stepkid Easier to Blame?"

So many posts on here complain about the skids and their behavior blah blah blah, but very rarely is the anger directed at DH for not stepping up to the plate and taking care of his own kids.

In a recent post SM complains about SS 16 causing so much trouble in the household that she hasn't spoken to him in 2 months.  SM acknowledges Dad does nothing to help the situation.  However, she doesn't care about that.  She states she isn't leaving which suggests she loves her husband and is happy to be with him, just not the skid.  WHY?  ISN'T THE ADULT MORE TO BLAME THAN THE CHILD?  Why does she want to stay with her DH who has created this situation to begin with...  Easier to blame the Skid?


My intent was not to discuss the pitting of bio kids vs step kids.  (That of course could be a whole other issue.)  My issue is with all the posts about the skids who act up and misbehave and that their bio parent won't discipline them...  Most recent post I read SM said she wouldn't leave, but couldn't wait for skid to leave...  I don't get that...  Your husband is failing as a parent, but you want to stay with him in essence saying its ok that he is allowing your skid to be this way and to treat you and your biokids like crap...  Why not be angry and hold bio dad accountable?  Only one who apparently is suppose to be accountable is the skid?  I don't think that's right.

by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CoochieLibre
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:46 AM

Kids misbehave. They can be rude and obnoxious. I don't have a problem with normal kid behavior, but I do have a problem with parents who don't try to correct it. So, no, if the kids are misbehaving and SO doesn't correct it... SO is to blame.

Pero1
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:47 AM

I can only think of ONE SM on here (WIKN) who will describe the troubles she was facing with her own DD in her step situation. Whatever question you ask, children stealing, children being picky eaters, children being messy ... you'll get plenty of "my skid did that too" ... but hardly ever a "oh, my DD/DS did that once". Whenever it comes to stealing I am tempted to think twice about admitting my DD did it once, because I am obviously a failure as a parent ... my bio filter seems broken.

rose0919
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:49 AM

children are the direct result of the parent that enables them! if bp isnt going to teach then the child doesnt know so it falls on bp. but teenagers have a mind of their own, they may have been taught, but refuse to do with normal teenage defiance. but then again the bp needs to step up and control the issue. i dont blame ss for his bad behavior i blame his parents for letting it slide. 

CoochieLibre
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:50 AM


Quoting Pero1:

I can only think of ONE SM on here (WIKN) who will describe the troubles she was facing with her own DD in her step situation. Whatever question you ask, children stealing, children being picky eaters, children being messy ... you'll get plenty of "my skid did that too" ... but hardly ever a "oh, my DD/DS did that once". Whenever it comes to stealing I am tempted to think twice about admitting my DD did it once, because I am obviously a failure as a parent ... my bio filter seems broken.

I think I mentioned my daughter stealing just yesterday. :) I would assume that the skids are mentioned mostly since it is a Stepmom forum. 

~*~ "To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art" ~*~

yesmaam
by Silver Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 10:06 AM

 Glad somebody could spot that correlation, b/c I was starting to wonder lol

Quoting CoochieLibre:


Quoting Pero1:

I can only think of ONE SM on here (WIKN) who will describe the troubles she was facing with her own DD in her step situation. Whatever question you ask, children stealing, children being picky eaters, children being messy ... you'll get plenty of "my skid did that too" ... but hardly ever a "oh, my DD/DS did that once". Whenever it comes to stealing I am tempted to think twice about admitting my DD did it once, because I am obviously a failure as a parent ... my bio filter seems broken.

I think I mentioned my daughter stealing just yesterday. :) I would assume that the skids are mentioned mostly since it is a Stepmom forum. 

 

You call me a bitch like it's a bad thing

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 10:10 AM

I complain about my children, I don't recall having a complaint about my SS's behaviour. Of all my husband's children SS is the best behaved and if I had a problem with SS, I would expect my husband to deal with it, I wouldn't even speak to the child. 

MRLAdy
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 10:12 AM
I think skids get away with a lot because in most situations BM and bf aren't on the same page with parenting. They have two sets of rules and the other parent can't discipline for what happens at one parents home. It's just how it is. In a perfect world BM and bf would have the same parenting tools and boundaries for the kids.
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colema11
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 10:55 AM

In some cases it is a parenting issue.  But there are also cases where the BP can do all the right things and still have a child that is a disrespectful brat.  We hear more about skids behavior here b/c it is a step group, but go to any family based event and you will hear the same thing from traditional, blended, and alternative families: having kids is stressful...

I love my DS more than life itself, but there are days that he has pushed every button there is, but this group doesn't hear about it, my toddler mom group does.  Same with the opposite, my toddler mom group doesn't hear about SSs b/c most of them have no experience with pre-teen/ teen skids.  There are days here that I just need to vent about the fact that SS missed the toilet again and I am so sick of DH and I having to make him clean the bathroom and getting attitude from SS about cleaning the bathroom.  I could step out of the problem, let DH deal with making sure the bathroom is clean and make DH deal with the attitude, but that doesn't change the fact that I live with a teenage male that can't hit a foot wide hole 1st thing in the morning, it doesn't change the fact that he is a grumpy butt-head in the morning, and it sure doesn't change that there was piss on my floor.  My vent isn't about him as a skid, but y'all are the ones I vent to...

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:53 PM
1 mom liked this

There are a majority of times I can blame DH for his children's behaviors-then there are times i can say-it's the kid's fault (such as when DH's gone thru every means possible to get something thru to the child and yet they still do the opposite)

SD11 is old enough to know the rules-we have them posted in the kitchen-we tell her daily *shut the bathroom light off/keep the bathroom door open/keep the front door shut* and yet she still does the opposite!

Dh reminds her constantly-nothing seems to work. So i told him-start following her around and doing this stuff for her since she's not capable of following directions.

perhaps I need to be like my mother and post notes alll throughout the house.

lilangilyn
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 1:16 PM
2 moms liked this

I think once a kid is a teenager, they have to be accountable for their own actions. They should know right from wrong. Yes, they are going to slip up once in awhile, but they should be moving in a direction that lets you know that they are probably going to be decent adults.

If a kid as a teenager is a huge shit, and has no redeeming qualities at all, I don't blame anyone for not liking them. Including their own bio parent.

The cult of the kid/skid is just as bad as the cult of the golden utuerus and I think both are a huge pit to fall into. If a BM is likeable and works well with her ex, then that it is the kind of person I want to deal with, not a freak who feels entitled to call all the shots and refuses to let a dad be the dad. I don't like older kids who mistreat either parent and I won't deal with them. They are old enough to start thinking a little more into the future and realize they might need the help, love, attention, or money of the parent they are currently abusing.

I don't think we owe kids anything past the age of 18. If the kids are good kids, then sure. It is a labor of love then. But if the kids are shits at 18, then I am all for setting them free and letting them stew in their own messes.

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