Friendlier relationship with BM, is it really possible?!
I would like some advice about improving my relationship with BM, no really, LOL. In general, I find the relationships between my DH and BM and me and BM challenging. I resent BM for undermining DH's authority with his DDs and him for putting up with it and I've secretly judged her parenting style harshly (but only once, regrettably, not so secretly in front of my SDs). My DH and BM are speaking less and less to each other these days, particularly since we married a year ago, so I feel partly responsible. For my SDs sake I wish it was better between them but I had problems in the beginning with BM crossing boundaries (which is another reason I find it hard to like her) and DH not setting any boundaries, so I had to be the bad guy and set some (and it almost ended our relationship). This definitely created a riff between me and BM, me and DH and probably to some degree, me and my SDs (two, both now teens). I doubt BM feels comfortable in our new home (she rarely comes in anymore, at least when I'm at home, to wait for SDs that are rarely ready to go, warm up her coffee in the microwave, use the bathroom, check out what new things we are working on, etc....). Now, after time has passed, I do have some regrets about being so unfriendly and I would like for things to be more cordial between BM and I, and between DH and BM (for the sake of my SDs), but I do not trust that she will start crossing those boundaries again and that we would let it happen just to keep the peace. I think to this day DH still does not truly understand that I was mainly (in the past) upset about the boundary violations and not so much about his relationship with his ex (I'm friends with my ex, but we don't hang out together like old pals). I really do want to do the right thing....but I do want some boundaries here, too.