CAN I HAVE A "FREE DAY" W/ NO CONTACT OF BM ON MY ANNIVERSARY?

[dukegirl01]

I feel I deserve ONE day a year FREE of kids and BM at least on my ANNIVERSARY!!!!! AM I WRONG?
When my DH and I got married, we didn't plan very well and got married around or on what ends up being the first day of school every year! He was not in school yet when we got married. We didn't even think about it! I know....dahhh! Can I do a " do over"? Ha!

Any way, that being said ....I have to " share so many things in my step life, and even my anniversary day is NOT MY OWN DAY! It does suck. Well, this year we did not have ss, so I was looking forward to a total " FREE DAY" from all the stuff! I felt one day should just be about my husband and I!

We were having a great day.....oh let me back up a bit....when we don't have my ss we either call to say good night or when she thinks of it , she has him call us to say good night. So, almost everynight we say good night to my ss.

Okay so, we were having a good day....just my DH and I! I was having NO thoughts of bms, sks, drama....we are sitting in movie theatre , 2 minutes before movie is about to begin....and DH says "let's call______ and say good night. Really? So I do, and bm answers with some shit questions about something she wants....ss is eating and really doesn't want to talk....
Well, I got upset! Couldn't we have not called just ONE NIGHT OF THE YEAR? SO NOW MY ANNIVERSARY WAS FILLED WITH THOUGHTS OF BM ETC...and we argued and ruined the rest of what was a good private day ( turn off the phones) kind of day! My Anniversary ruined again!

Not fair! Feel like she steals " happy times" out of our marriage!

[WifeyC]

She stole nothing.  You give this woman way too much space in your head.

[leegirl_jm]

I think your husband deserves a kick in the butt for that one.

[raerae725]

I really don't understand what she did wrong.  Have DH call and not tell you about the conversation?

[ameliacaldeira]

I hear you. Every once and a while when hubby and I are having a romantic time and being cuddly on dates and such his phone will beep "urgent message from (BM)" and of course they ALL say Urgent, but rarely is. However being as its his son we always double check- we dont want anything to happen and we NOT anwser. 
It is always drama, screaming, guilting, flirting as well as explicent 'do you remember doing blank to me'. oh man.  

seeing as FIL lives 1 block from BM(and we thousands of miles away), if SOMETHING really was wrong she would call him first. So now I say- let it ring, if something is wrong your father will call- and never does, because nothing is ever wrong. 

[MRLAdy]

I think it would be ok to turn the phone off one day out of the year! But it's hard not to let BM get to you because most step parents care about skids and for sure about dh's feelings. But i agree make less space for her in your head it will help you in many ways.

[rebeccasmly]

What was wrong with him calling to say good night? How did DH doing that cause BM to ruin your night? Even when DH and I go away for our anniversary, we're calling the kids at night, even if the SKs are with BM. You allowed it to ruin your night. I'm sorry you feel your night was ruined though.

[saywhat2102]

I don't think your husband was wrong forwanting to tell his son goodnight...his timing sucked ass though 2 mins before the movie started come on?!  However, I think you got yourself all in a tizzy over bm you should have just let him handle it say goodnight and go back to having your night alone :)  So, next year make it clear to your dh we are going to call stepson early before we start our plans say I loves you and goodnights then that damn phone is turning off turn it back on before you guys go to bed listen to voice mails read texts etc etc...its a shame that 5 mins ruined hours on your anniversary :(  Make next years better :)

[Tigress22304]

At least your husband celebrates your anniversary with you-mine treats it like it's just another day.

(but cries like a bitch every year on his wedding anniversary to BM)

You're allowing it to get to you-true he could have timed it better-but that's still his son-he's allowed to call to say goodnight-but I do understand why you're frustrated.

Perhaps try talking to him-tell him you need some one on one time with JUST HIM-no phones/no bm/no ss-just you and him-if you have to-tie him to the bed-lock the door and shut all the electronics off.

[Goofylife]

Don't make this about BM or SK.  Just enjoy your anniversary with your DH.  When DH and I got married out of town we took SS with us and he was part of the wedding.  We then stayed for a week.  SS stayed in a different room with his grandma.  BM called SS everyday during our WEDDING and Honeymoon/family vacation, interrogated SS about our wedding and everything else for half an hour (even wanted SS to send her pictures).  Why she needed to do this, Heaven only knows.  But, when she called, we just put SS in a private place to talk and we went out and sat on the balcony and watched the ocean.  If there is any day of the year when you should not have to be thinking about your DH's ex wife, it's your wedding/anniversary.  But we just were having such a good time together, we didn't even let it get to us.  I know it's hard and I don't want to criticize you.  The other ladies in here are just trying to help, too.  Let your DH handle his business with his son and then move on and enjoy your time together.  You can do it.

[pdxmum]

So, why did you say OK when DH suggested calling SS to say goodnight if you really didn't want him to do that?

Nothing wrong with taking a kidfree day. Not sure I could - DDs and I talk everyday, we like it. But don't get pissed off at BM because your DH called his child with your permission!