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As step-parenting becomes more of the norm , why do we still b**** about not having any rights and not do anything about it?

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I never wanted to be a step-mom. I asked my current husband if he had kids before I dated him. He didn't, that was great! Yes, I have kids of my own. Now I have two more. Ones a step daughter who I love with all my heart. She showed up at 5 weeks old and her BM is very undependable. So badly that we got custody. Yes WE! AS IN MY DH AND I! AT 7 months old my sd had a visit with her BM. The neighbor called the cops because of a baby crying nonstop over an hour. We can only guess how long DD was alone. No formula. No diaper change. But it was long enough to leave sores on her from the urine and dirties. We estimated it was about six hours.
So I took her to all appointments, my DH worked outside of the home. I worked at home. The BM threw a fit. She never paid a dime of support. In fact it was me that payed a grand for birth costs
The county tried to charge my DH half of the birth cost. I told the CS worker no, the BM refused to tell him she was pregnant, CS had not gone through a the paternity process within the 3time months of after the birth where our insurance would have covered the full amount -our 1000 deductible . So we would only pay that. She had little choice but to agree to it.
I won't deal with being a step-parent. I am a mom. We now have an open adoption with the BM's parents. I've adopted my sd and have full rights. But just the other day my own DH got on me for saying the BM's name to DD instead of referring to her as your time mom or something of that sort.
I realized I still have to fight. So why doesn't anyone stand up and start a petition for a law. For more rights for step-parents so we stop getting STEP-ped on. I know there has to be a frustrated man or woman always of some power who could start something. I would sign a petition giving stepparents whose spouse had custody the rights to sign doctor and hospital forms school forms attend all functions. Do what we all do anyways only without a fuss. Stepparents should have the right to keep the children when the other parent passes away. But most end up in foster care if the other parent is seen as unfit. Even when it splits up half or stepsiblings the states don't care. Sometimes this happens if the other parent is just hospitalized or go's to jail for a time.
I have no clue how to start something like this other than to speak up. Then I just picture that old cartoon about how a bill is passed. Anyone else ready to speak up?
MY DH DIDN'T CHEAT ON ME! WE GOT MARRIED AFTER DATING 8 MONTHS DD WAS BORN RIGHT AFTER OUR WEDDING! WE WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS MANY YEARS PRIOR TO DATING.

EDIT: Now that I've seen so many great opinions I have ideas for this spinning.
NOTE: I never meant for this to be a thing going against any 50/50 custody situations. Or any situation were both birth parents and stepparents got along and really cared about all the children involved.
I'll use my case as an example. We have 6 children at any given time in our custody. 3 are my bc, 1 my adopted child, 2 are our nephews plus the grandparents of my ad have her half sister. My ex husband. Has no custody of our 3 never pays CS. Hasn't seen them in over 3 years. Yet I can't get a judge to take his parental rights. So my husband and I had to go through a CPS to make sure that my kids stayed with him and his sister if something happened to me.
My 2 nephews have been with us our whole marriage also. My SIL has full custody of the oldest and her and I share 50/50 of the youngest. Both bf are MIA.
My ad go's to see her grandparents and half sister everother week for 4 hours.
As you can see we've done our best to see that the childrens best interest is met. If there were laws for stepparents we wouldn't have to go through the red tape, cost the taxpayers money to look into my exhusband and run background checks though our part was taken care of when I adopted my DD. The idea I have is to make it so the cp is responsible for making his/her spouse the designated person who would signpapers, take over in emergencies, be the children's godparent in the will. Of course it wouldn't trump the rights of a fit NCP. But there's normally a good reason why a judge deems a parent unfit enough to be a NCP.
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 4:25 PM
Replies (21-30):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 11:55 AM

When did you adopt her?

E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 11:57 AM

I do all that without a fuss.

I sign, and next to my name I put SM.


Quote:

the rights to sign doctor and hospital forms school forms attend all functions. Do what we all do anyways only without a fuss.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:01 PM

Since your DH is an abusive asshole and the marriage could end, where would that leave SD?  Would you take visitation? Pay CS?

thickerthan
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Quoting momof2cuteboys:

I guess you can count me in on the list of confused people.  What are you really fighting for?  Are you legally your SD's guardian or not?  Did BM get her rights taken away and you filed for adoption?  If so then isn't your issue really and adoption problem?  

If SM had it her way she would have rights and leave me completely out of the whole equation... but I'm a very involved BM and I won't stand for another woman who wants to knock me out when I have done no wrong.  Marriage licenses should not trump birth certificates IMHO.  That would lead to a world of chaos.  I just have to say that I don't need SM to step into my position ever.  In fact she has recently been barred from taking our son to any eye or dental appts or filling out any paperwork because she leaves me off completely and puts herself as BM.  Which the mediation counselor found very disturbing.  I have to say as a CP mom with 50/50 physical and legal ...it is very disturbing.

like I just quoted the mom below. My fights over. I've just seen too much of the courts system that works for the bp and not the children. If a CSP law were passed, say giving stepparents the rights to visitation if their spouse dies, that would keep the child/SP bond plus the half and stepsibs could still visit. The bill could also give a CSP the right to medical and dental.decisions. The rights to temp. custody if both bp were unable to care for the children and the rights to permanent custody if both bp passed on or the noncustodial parent was unfit. One very personal issue that I addressed in my case was that my DD was born during my marriage. As the wording in presumptive parenting laws does not exclude a woman I pushed that as strongly as I could. That's a whole other issue though.
Wile all of this is possible now there are no laws giving stepparents these rights. There should be. Then when the custodial parent decides his/her spouse is trustworthy. Hopefully before they get married. The CSP could then be added to the custody order under those laws written.
Your case wouldn't count as a CSM case.. this is why I wrote this. To see the ideas of every one. You have 50/50. I guess im only talking about cases were one bp is th CP and the other is not. I would never want to disregard or disrespect a parent who had custody and was a part of the childrens lives other than just in and out or just spiting the CP.
MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:05 PM

I sign stuff for SD all the time, never been questioned about it. Didn't matter if it was for x-rays at the hospital or signing forms at school to administer medicine or even enroll her. I also take SD to dr. and dentist appts and eye exams. I have never once been asked for mom or dad to sign (they all know I am stepmom), but then again everyone knows me by now (it's been 7 years) and they know DH and I take care of SD. Each and every case is different and they should be looked at like that, not all grouped together. There are some stepparents who want NO responsibility whatsoever, that's their choice. Then there are those who do most of the work with their stepkids.

laughnchica
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I read an article recently about how 23 states have enacted laws authorizing stepparents to petition for visitation with their stepchild if the BP dies or anything. I don't know which states those are but there there are states that are giving stepparents more of a chance to stay involved in their stepchildrens life.

thickerthan
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:17 PM
Quoting laughnchica:

I read an article recently about how 23 states have enacted laws authorizing stepparents to petition for visitation with their stepchild if the BP dies or anything. I don't know which states those are but there there are states that are giving stepparents more of a chance to stay involved in their stepchildrens life.


I would love to read that. Anyway you remember the name?
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:18 PM

I also do all that without a fuss. I have never had a problem signing anything.

Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:

I do all that without a fuss.

I sign, and next to my name I put SM.



Quote:

the rights to sign doctor and hospital forms school forms attend all functions. Do what we all do anyways only without a fuss.


findingserenity
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:21 PM
Unfortunately, even though u adoptd sd the facy that she has a different birth mom is one u need to get over with and accept. U cant erase that but legally, u hav the rights over her.







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chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:27 PM
But you're really not a step-mom if you adopted her. You're her mom:)
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