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Only Contacts DH When Something Is Needed.

Posted by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 5:03 AM
  • 8 Replies

As you all know my SD age 19 was thrown out of our home due to her disrespecting us. She had surgery to remove plates from her ankle 2 weeks ago from when she broke it 4 years ago. She told DH not to bring me to surgery because her BM was going to be there and BM wanted to talk to DH to work things out.

Really?? He never married her for a reason.

Well turns out BM made a big scene at the hospital did nothing but bad mouth DH and myself and SD went right along with her.

The person that SD is living with is a "mutual" friend of DH, myself and BM. She stays pretty neutral that we know of. SD does not call or text, she continues to bad mouth her Dad and I and is still trying to break us up so her BM can try to work thing out with her Dad (that will never happen even if he was not with me, he hates BM).

Anyway the friend calls DH and says she need him to take SD to her follow up Dr appt because she does not want to deal with BM and they do not have a car. They expect my husband to take a day off work knowing I have been off on FMLA due to complex migraines and I am the one who has the better paying job. If he says no then he is the bad guy. They expect him to do something for SD cause the friend does not want the BM to take them and hear her mouth. DH does not want to take her because we can not afford for him to take the day off work unpaid. The friend or the SD do not contact DH at all unless they need him for something. SD tells him how she wants him to leave me and until he does he is not her Dad, but she expects him to do for her. SD has a friend that is willing to take her and does not really need DH to do it. He knows if he does take her it will turn into a huge fight because she will continue to tell him how he is no father because he is with me and will not leave me and work things out with BM. 

DH and BM have not been together for 15 years. DH and I have been together 13 years and married 11 years. SD will not get it through her head DH and I are not going to split up just because she wants us to. I do not think he should take her, it is not worth the aggravation it will cause. 

angry

by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 5:03 AM
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Replies (1-8):
rebeccasmly
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 5:33 AM
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I remember your post about the surgery. Its a tough place for your husband to be in because no parent wants to be on the outs with his children but then again his adult child is making unreasonable demands.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 6:45 AM

since SD already has a ride and Dad cant afford to take the day off, it seems the logical answer is to let SD have her friend drive her. I'm not really seeing an issue here.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 9:53 AM
Your financial concerns are not sd's problem.

If he can't take the day off and she has an alternative ride, he shouldn't. If he can reschedule work for some other time, he should.

The rest of this mess? You and dh should ignore. It will go away or it won't. And yes, he should hear sd out, ackowledge her wish that things should be different and then gently remind her that he is staying with you. And he should do it as many times as it takes.
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lilangilyn
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 12:05 PM
1 mom liked this

I think since the friend says they don't have access to a car that day, maybe they can call a local church and see if someone will be willing to take them. Churches have ministries for just this type of thing.

I personally don't think DH needs to hear anything SD might have to say. It is volunteering for abuse. I think he should always be kind to her, but he doesn't need to be continually hashing this crap out after 13 years with you.

I also think that most good adult kids do consider their parents' finances. For instance, my kids understand that I cannot at the present time do a lot of financial things for them and they certainly understand that to take work off for them would be a real financial hardship for their mom. So they wouldn't ask me. Nor would they place a hardship on their stepdad, DH.

Adults should be considerate of other adults.

It's time for SD to grow up. To stop whining and to take responsibility for how her life will turn out.

lilangilyn
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 12:06 PM


Quoting whatIknownow:

since SD already has a ride and Dad cant afford to take the day off, it seems the logical answer is to let SD have her friend drive her. I'm not really seeing an issue here.

Anyway the friend calls DH and says she need him to take SD to her follow up Dr appt because she does not want to deal with BM and they do not have a car.

ramita
by Silver Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Time to let her go! Dh should simply say he can't and be done with it.  If she says he's no father then maybe he should act like it...I hate to say that, but sometimes its just easier to give up then to keep fighting a loosing fight...

bellaamore
by on Sep. 15, 2012 at 4:58 PM
Quoting lilangilyn:

I think since the friend says they don't have access to a car that day, maybe they can call a local church and see if someone will be willing to take them. Churches have ministries for just this type of thing.


I personally don't think DH needs to hear anything SD might have to say. It is volunteering for abuse. I think he should always be kind to her, but he doesn't need to be continually hashing this crap out after 13 years with you.


I also think that most good adult kids do consider their parents' finances. For instance, my kids understand that I cannot at the present time do a lot of financial things for them and they certainly understand that to take work off for them would be a real financial hardship for their mom. So they wouldn't ask me. Nor would they place a hardship on their stepdad, DH.


Adults should be considerate of other adults.


It's time for SD to grow up. To stop whining and to take responsibility for how her life will turn out.




This.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Sep. 15, 2012 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this
I'd agree with this.


Quoting lilangilyn:

I think since the friend says they don't have access to a car that day, maybe they can call a local church and see if someone will be willing to take them. Churches have ministries for just this type of thing.


I personally don't think DH needs to hear anything SD might have to say. It is volunteering for abuse. I think he should always be kind to her, but he doesn't need to be continually hashing this crap out after 13 years with you.


I also think that most good adult kids do consider their parents' finances. For instance, my kids understand that I cannot at the present time do a lot of financial things for them and they certainly understand that to take work off for them would be a real financial hardship for their mom. So they wouldn't ask me. Nor would they place a hardship on their stepdad, DH.


Adults should be considerate of other adults.


It's time for SD to grow up. To stop whining and to take responsibility for how her life will turn out.


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