Would you take this as blowing off visitation? Or maybe something happened?
BM and I have been texting quite a bit since last Thursday or Friday. She came to me about the issues her husband's at work and how he has applied elsewhere. Also how her living arrangements are not that good right now. I spoke with the person hiring at the place SF applied at because I am friends with him, they're still interviewing but said his interview was favorable so I also threw in a good word for SF. I do know he is a hardworking guy. The next day, I heard about a friends of mine needing to rent out his apartment, which happens to be right in front of the development DH and I bought our house. I gave BM all the information for it and she said she would follow up on it. I am trying to help them because it benefits my SKs, BM knows that which is why I believe she comes to me with these things. This is no where near the 1st time she has done this and I have helped where I could.
Let's jump back a couple weeks ago. BM is allowed 2 hours with the kids on BM's birthday. DH and I spoke and agreed since BM is not seeing them much, we can offer a full day thing. So I extended that offer to her, she was very happy. I asked if we can get the hours set and she wanted to wait. Well, BM's birthday is this week. I have been trying since Sunday night to get the final arrangements with her done, especially since DH is going to be out of town now and its only going to be me. The other kids have some activities on Saturday I need to get them into town for. So I am going to be juggling a lot since I will also be dropping DH off. I have not heard back from her at all. I don't know what to do at this point. Do I continue to try to make arrangements? Do I let her contact me to make arrangements? Part of me is worried something is wrong because we were communicating up until Saturday afternoon but then again I am worried she's going to fall into her old habits and just blow this visitation off. The thing is, she hasn't missed one visit since we went to once a month earlier this year. Prior to that, she was missing at least half of her visits. Opinions/ suggestions?
Oh, I know some will have opinions on me helping them out and putting in a good word for SF but please try to remember, I am more concerned about visitation this week. As long as BM needs it and my SKs are minors, I will continue to help them out. Its not my SKs fault the situation they're in. Right now BM's living arrangements 6 adults and 4 children in a 3 bedroom house. It would definitely benefit my SKs to have someplace to sleep or do things when they have visitation with BM. SF working a full time job with better pay would benefit them compared to the part time just above minimum wage job he currently has.
My ex-husband always strings me along with my kids and this is the only way i can ever get him to give me a straight answer.
Just make sure you stick to your guns!
I know. BM used me as a confidant before she remarried. Unless it affects the kids, I don't tell DH. Nothing she has ever said to me has been used or held against her when I deal with her. We do get along well, I would not call her friend but she does invite me to things such as her baby shower and wedding shower and parties she host at her place for tupperware and such. I did it for the kids. That's my only defense. Prior to me doing this, she was horrible. Refusing to compromise, refusing to look past her own desires, refusing to work with DH. She also knows I have and will always work towards her and the kids having a relationship. She has seen me make YSD call BM and apologize for telling her off and being just down right mean to BM. I don't care if BM deserved it, no child should do that to their parent. So yes, we have a odd and very very weird situation but it has worked now for 5 years I want to say.
I agree with telling her that if you don't hear from her by 5 then you will assume she's not going to see the kids. We would never tell my SD that her BM was coming because she barely ever showed. We kinda kept an open mind (like she was coming) so that if she did then we'd be ready for it. But it is hard to plan things around this kind of schedule (if that's what you can call it) Sorry for your situation, but I think you are doing more than a great job. Props to you!!! Your SK's will thank you for everything you've ever done ; )
Quoting Coreyhoots:
You have really put yourself out there. You go above and beyond. However you can not make a mother be a mother that is up to her. I agree I would send one last message and move on. It sounds like BM is not in the best position for the kids anyways. Don't push it on her. Also I would not keep anything about your relationship with her a secret from your husband that will be very damaging.
He knows I speak with her often. I don't tell him the personal details, like if her and her husband are arguing or having problems. I would never hide the fact that I speak with her.
I did hear from BM. Her phone got turned off and they had to wait until her husband got a check to pay it. She's still planning on seeing them Saturday, just not the full day. Which is fine, at least she is seeing them.
If not,oh well... I'd stop asking her:)
I think it's great that you and BM have found a way to make things work for the sake of the kids. This is really a good situation for the skids to see. My hat is off to you....wish the BM of my skids had been that way...oh well
Very Proud!!!!!!
Appropriate or not? Emotional BM
- rebeccasmly
on Sep. 18, 2012 at 9:32 AM