Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

So it's almost step daughter's open house tonight.....she's is with her mother this week....My fiance said you're  going with me! I don't want to go...I don't want to see his ex wife...I don't know why i'm such a baby about it....she left him for another guy and we've been together almost two years getting married in May...Any advice other then grow some?? I just know I will be really nervous and I don't want her to see that...that's my biggest thing......but why do I react this why to her?

by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:39 AM
Replies (41-50):
savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:09 PM
Iv been there..I hated to go around he's ex! I didn't for the first year..an she was all nice over the phone, so I started going to things for the kids, knowing she would b there...an that's when the drama started happening! Now she hates me, but I was nice an tried carrying on conversations, but she gets defensive, even if I say my hubbys name she's like u mean my kids dad? Really? So Iavoid
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Iv been there..I hated to go around he's ex! I didn't for the first year..an she was all nice over the phone, so I started going to things for the kids, knowing she would b there...an that's when the drama started happening! Now she hates me, but I was nice an tried carrying on conversations, but she gets defensive, even if I say my hubbys name se's like u mean my kids dad? Really? I try to stay away..iv never been a stepmother before but my kids have had a few.. I don't act like that,for the sake of my kids
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ConfusedStep
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 7:27 PM

I actually go to annoy his psycho exwife...haha...really she is crazy and nothing annoys her worse then when I show up and their 10 year old daughter rather come home with me. I even go to school functions without DH. SD wanted to me to go with her to all dr appt after she broke her arm this past spring. As catty as it may be I felt good knowing she was comfortable with me and understood how much I truly love her.

But seriously if you don't want to go, put your foot down otherwise it just opens the door for him to :make: you do other things you are not comfortable when dealing with the ex

funnyishere
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 8:35 PM

I think you should not go, even your fiance asked you to go.

steffbar
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 8:56 PM

Its not a comfortable situation. Just be polite, smile. Dont let her see that it makes you nervous. If she's rude, kill her with kindness. Nothing pisses someone off more than when your trying to be rude, and make them upset but get no reaction from them. 

steffbar
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 8:58 PM

And if your lucky she may even be nice and want to have open communication with you. Its better for everyone and most importantly the child when everyone is friendly and civil. 

packermomof2
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 9:47 PM


Quoting steffbar:

Its not a comfortable situation. Just be polite, smile. Dont let her see that it makes you nervous. If she's rude, kill her with kindness. Nothing pisses someone off more than when your trying to be rude, and make them upset but get no reaction from them. 

This isn't true for everyone.  My ex's other ex tried the whole kill me with kindness thing to my face.  It didn't make me angry, it just made her look fake and silly.   I wasn't rude to her (although some think not talking to SM is rude, I preferred we not speak.  Ever.  She insisted on talking to me when she saw me if my ex was around... if he wasn't?  She was talking about me to whoever she was with)...

So, I've always found the kill them with kindness advice to be a little off just because those I know who take that approach just look fake.

Troubleswife
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 10:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting MISSYB01:

So I grew some!!! and decided to go!!! I felt that my fiance needed the support!! again he doesn't like being around a lot of people (and he doesn't have a mental illness) to the idiot that said that by the way! idk think whatever you want. So the Bm didn't even show!!! almost sd's grandparents brought her. I guess someone "broke into their house" and Bm had to wait for the police to get there and couldn't show. I wonder if the house was really broken into?? I was like I got all nervous for nothing!!!!! I'm moving forward from here...I have to start seeing her sometime...its going to happen inevitably.




I was really nervous at first too! I avoided contact for nearly 9 months -- I just didn't want to be involved in the drama or held under a microscope.

It gets easier though. Now, I can have a normal conversation with both and walk away thinking "that was pleasant." It takes time.
steffbar
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 10:07 PM

Im not saying kiss her ass. Im saying if she's trying to rude and get a reaction just smile and dont stoop to her level. Theres a difference bettween preffering not to speak and purposly causing trouble.  

Quoting packermomof2:


Quoting steffbar:

Its not a comfortable situation. Just be polite, smile. Dont let her see that it makes you nervous. If she's rude, kill her with kindness. Nothing pisses someone off more than when your trying to be rude, and make them upset but get no reaction from them. 

This isn't true for everyone.  My ex's other ex tried the whole kill me with kindness thing to my face.  It didn't make me angry, it just made her look fake and silly.   I wasn't rude to her (although some think not talking to SM is rude, I preferred we not speak.  Ever.  She insisted on talking to me when she saw me if my ex was around... if he wasn't?  She was talking about me to whoever she was with)...

So, I've always found the kill them with kindness advice to be a little off just because those I know who take that approach just look fake.


PROGENITOR
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 10:13 PM

He probably doesn't want to have to see her either.  Don't know what you should do. I'd go.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)