Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Just a vent about a very frustrating BM

Posted by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:00 PM
  • 54 Replies
Ok so I haven't been with my SO very long but we live together with my children and half the time his 3 kids stay with us. His ex wife hates my guts. She tells their kids they don't have to listen to me, she is constantly trying to break up my relationship and has on more than one occasion tried to fight with me (last time she was holding their 5mo. Old baby). She even asked the judge to have me drug tested, which isn't a problem because I do not do drugs, but she is desperate because she has failed 4 drug tests already! Now she is asking the judge that I not be left alone with the children which would either force SO to have his children less or to quit his job. He works so we can pay our bills & support the kids! She gets full welfare (cash, food & wic) for all 3 of their kids even though she only has them half the month and still asks us for formula and diapers. I would be more than willing to help but we only have one income and have to support our house, which consists of us 4 during the whole month and 7 of us for half the month when his kids are over. We can't afford to help her out to. And she keeps calling him "just to talk" and making him dinner when he drops off the kids, then she tells him she misses him and asks him to "come back home". We are supposed to be getting married in March and I love him very much but I don't know how to handle his ex! Ugh...well thank you for letting me vent :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:00 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I am concerned that you guys have committed so soon, moving in together with your kids. I mean wow if I read this correctly he and his ex have a 5 month old!?!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:09 PM

Does your SO pay her child support?

ProudmommyJess
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes we did move very quickly, but things between us are amazing. We have a deep connection that I never imagined having with anyone.

And no, he does not pay CS. He has 50/50 custody so they did not feel it was necessary to have either parent pay.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
packermomof2
by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:36 PM
3 moms liked this

You moved in quick, she has an infant with him that he leaves with you after such a short time and you actually wonder why she doesn't like you and isn't being nice to him? 

She doesnt' trust you and I don't blame her.  She has a baby... it is scary enough when the kids are older and being left alone with someone who couldn't wait to move in, but a baby is even worse.

She's only frustrating because you don't like that she won't get on board with you playing house with her children so early on... he may be emotionally removed from the situation but that doesn't mean she's over the situation as quick as he is.

He doesn't have his children when he's at work.  If she is available she could (should even) be keeping them instead of you.  He can get them when he's off of work. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 11:59 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree with packer. When I had my son, I had to put him in child care. I interviewed multiple day cares and home cares and they ALL had to have FBI background checks and finger printing. I cannot imagine having to leave my infant with someone that I have never met, has not 'had' to prove to me that they even know how to care for a child, not having a background check, CPR certification etc etc. if I left my baby with just anyone, I'd be a bad mom. But .. Because dad feels like his new paramour is wonderful, I'm supposed to just agree? When we just had a baby together 5 months ago? I would have a very very hard time with this.

As my children have gotten older, yes I still know who I hire to babysit them and I still check the daycares for violations and background check updates, but it gets easier to let go.

I'd give mom a little break on that one. She doesn't have a right to be a bitch to you at all but maybe say, honey, since you aren't here any way, maybe the baby should stay with her mom until she gets a little older.

Why is he having to support your family and your children? You say only one income? It might be easier for him to help provide for his children and to be at home so he can actually see them, if you got a job and contributed financially to supporting your own children. That's just an idea. He should be able to help buy diapers for his baby. And formula. He isn't paying any child support and helping out the mother of his children to provide what they need is his obligation. Your children, while I'm sure he loves them and has no problem helping you too, they are not his responsibility and he needs to take care of his responsibility which are his children.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:04 AM
I cannot get over the fact that you only have one income and he is expected to support 5 children on his own. Do you receive child support to help offset what he provides? How long have you been together? Living together?

If he is at work, maybe the kids should be with their mom.. Is their a CO currently?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:06 AM
1 mom liked this
I also can't get over the fact that he doesn't pay child support, she's on welfare and you don't work. I just don't understand this situation.. What did you do to support your children before you met such a hard working man?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:08 AM
Omg I keep reading your post over and over. When did they break up? Were they married?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
packermomof2
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:22 AM
2 moms liked this

I guess I glazed over the fact that you are letting a guy you met five months ago support you and your kids... while complaining that mom is getting help from welfare.  I'd say pot meet kettle but I think it is different to get help from welfare than it is to let a man fully support you and your children from a different relationship after only a few months.

I was broke after my divorce with only two kids.  I had to get state aid when one of my kids was really sick while the other needed a procedure done and my ex thought I was a bad mom for it (even said that in court) while refusing to help me out.  It's hard right after a break up especially with kids.  Which, obviously you know as you have someone supporting you and yours.  Cut her some slack instead of complaing about her needing help from HIM (I doubt she cares much about you helping out at all as she doesn't even want you around her kids) with their children. 


mandy22q
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 1:26 AM
1 mom liked this

how does your husband feel about her advances? How has he replied to her about it?

Do you guys go out and have fun ? do you tell her how you feel ?


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)