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 I see so many posts, shes really not a SM, because they are not married. (and many cases, they live together- not talking about cases, where the girlfriend has her own place.)

Well if your new man and his x weren't married---but had children does make them NOT the dad or mom, because they weren' married?

Ithink the situation defines its self- it comes with commitment to your SO. Married or not We live together. BM and DF share a child. They were never married. THANK GOD LOL. But does that discredit her or him from being their child's parents? So why should my martial status define if I am SM or not? I am not big on titles, but it seems the title is important.

by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 12:58 PM
Replies (171-172):
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 8:44 PM
I find looking at things from the perspective I do helps me understand better. And presenting the flip side makes you think.

When I get married I have no problem with being an SM. BM may feel differently lol

Quoting newstepmom61811:

You always crack me up with the twists you throw. I would say yeah, Amy your a SM, by title, you married, you got it, but the way you describe it, that kind of SM has abdicated the duties, her perogative.

It just doesn't make sense to me, to portray to be something one is not. I don't understand the women who call themselves wives or SMs when they haven't married. The definitions of the terms are what they just is what it is...I think if a woman wants these things, marry the man, otherwise be content with the term appropriate for the relationship at hand. I don't see any men do insecure they call women or kids in their lives things they aren't...why are women so insecure they have to convince themselves they are in places of commitment they aren't. I don't see any single man walking around calling a woman he is dating his wife or her kids his stepkids...I find it odd...when I was DHs GF I was his GF, then fiancé, then grey area, all clearly defined terms...

Quoting Amy1973Potts:

Well what about this - everyone us so on fire about a woman can only claim stepmotherhood after that piece of paper is.signed. She is legally SM.

BUT...What is she doesnt want the title? Totally disengaged w child, does she HAVE to legally accept it? A title she doesnt want?

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by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 10:52 PM
I agree jus bc u dont know why they are not married. You could even take this further what if either bm or bd came out as lesbian/gay but in their state cant get same sex marriages would their SO not be able to consider themselves a stepparent just bc they are not married? like i said before u dont know why the two people are not married maybe they aqpdd engage and planning a wedding, or was suppose to already be married but something happened and they couldnt like a job loss or whatever. Should this person not be considered a stepparent?
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