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Should a parent tell there child that they don't have to obey their stepparents?
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by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 6:58 PM
Replies (11-20):
savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 11:46 PM
O no I don't get in the middle! If she text me I don't reply! I let hubby handle that..but, u know what's weird? The one time I did talk to her, she said she wasn't jealous of me an didn't want hubby bk? Y would she say that an the conversation wasn't even about that? I just keep my distance..
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packermomof2
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:17 AM
1 mom liked this

Depends.  Is the SP telling the kids something opposite of what at least one of the parents is saying?  Is it in line with what the parents (not just the one the SP is married to) think is okay for their children?  In those situations I don't think it is "healthy" for the SP to be telling the kid anything.

If it is about something the SP would tell anyone's kids it isn't unhealthy, but it isn't a good thing to teach the kids. "Put your shoes away" should be listened to.  But if one parent says "no" to something and the SP is saying yes, the parent has every right to tell the kid that they are to listen to what the parent says over what the SP says.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:22 AM
No they shouldn't.
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savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:28 AM
Omg..I don't ask for much trust me...pick up after ur self take a shower brush ur teeth! Really? That simple! But I get crap these kids are 11 an 12? My kids are 7 an 11 they are of coarse use to my rules but my step kids u would think I was the worst.so they snap bk with momma said hwe don't
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savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:30 AM
Omg..I don't ask for much trust me...pick up after ur self take a shower brush ur teeth! Really? That simple! But I get crap these kids are 11 an 12? My kids are 7 an 11 they are of coarse use to my rules but my step kids u would think I was the worst.so they snap bk with momma said we don't have to listen to u an momma don't like u any way..
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Pero1
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 6:52 AM

I have never (and would never) told that to my DD. HOWEVER ...

From the day we separated, DD was made aware of the pecking order. She learned quickly that questions relating to her health, education or appearance should only be directed at her BPs (her father never managed to learn). There isn't a mom at BF's house, there isn't a dad at my house.

So for example, if DD gets a headache at BF's house and BF isn't around, she'll call me and ask whether she is allowed to take a pill, and vice versa. She wouldn't ever think of approaching SM or DF for one, or for permission to dip-dye her hair, or anything similar.

lilangilyn
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 7:25 AM

When DH was married to Hammy, her whole family and herself told his stepdaughter that she didn't have to listen to him or do anything he said. She grew up to be a poisonous little borderline witch who physically abused both DH and SS.

So it is hugely disfunctional in my opinion. I am sure SS has been told that he doesn't have to get along with me in any shape, fashion or form. Told many times. Ugh.

It no longer matters to me as he is grown.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Your DH needs to set them straight on that one. Showering and brushing teeth is basic hygiene. BM may have fears about losing authority or having someone else "mother" her kids, but the attitude coming out of kids is unacceptable. Telling them to brush their teeth or go to bed or whatever is merely keeping an eye on their well-being. Any nanny or sitter would give the same instruction, has nothing to do with SM trying to play mom.


Quoting savingtheworld:

Omg..I don't ask for much trust me...pick up after ur self take a shower brush ur teeth! Really? That simple! But I get crap these kids are 11 an 12? My kids are 7 an 11 they are of coarse use to my rules but my step kids u would think I was the worst.so they snap bk with momma said we don't have to listen to u an momma don't like u any way..

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DDDaysh
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 9:43 AM

It entirely depends on what the stepparent is trying to enforce with the child and the history of the family's situation.  


ambie25
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 10:02 AM
I don't think its healthy to tell a child they don't have to listen to any adult figure in their life. It teaches them too many bad things in life.
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