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Should a parent tell there child that they don't have to obey their stepparents?
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by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 6:58 PM
Replies (41-50):
Pero1
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 3:52 AM


Quoting Mommy0505:

Should a parent tell their child that they don't have to obey their teacher?


You are on thin ice  here ... comparing SM to the teacher isn't much different that the nanny! ;-)

 

Amy1973Potts
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 6:14 AM
1 mom liked this
It is in no way acceptable to tell a child they can ignore an adult. SO on occasions wonders if the kids are being told to deliberately disobey us, and I strongly suspect that is NOT the case. They are being normal kids. They do know they have to obey me and in general are great (they F with BF) and he asks me how.they listen to me better than him lol (its all in the delivery). I let him parent.and give my advice when asked (and sometimes I just give it lol)

Things go pretty smoothly.
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sidelinesally
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 7:26 AM


Quoting Pero1:


Quoting sidelinesally:


Really? She can't ask SM for an Advil? Who gets it for her if there's no other adult around? Does she help herself and you hope she gets the dosage right? What about a bandaid if she cuts herself? Can SM get one of those for her or does she have to call you first? I think these pidly things are what send the message that SM is an incompetent idiot and can't be trusted to do right by the SK. They are the types of things that set SM up for being disrespected by SKs.

In my case SM IS an incompetent idiot, but that's neither here nor there ... SM doesn't have more rights (or less) than my nanny had, or the school nurse.The school nurse sticks bandaids on, but would not administer any medication unless she had parental consent. The same applied to our nanny, the same applies to SM and my DF.

As for the dosage ... in my case, I'd rather have DD measure the dosage, since she masters the English language, contrary to her SM.

And - as far as I'm aware - in more than 6 years there haven't been any incidents when DD disrespected SM or DF ... or the school nurse, or the nanny.

Ok, I see your point in your case because according to you, SM is an idiot and illiterate, but not all SM are. So in general, and closer to my point, not allowing SM to dispense an Advil, a simple Advil, undermines her place as a trusted adult (not parent) in the household. 

sidelinesally
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 7:44 AM


Quoting packermomof2:


Quoting sidelinesally:


Really? She can't ask SM for an Advil? Who gets it for her if there's no other adult around? Does she help herself and you hope she gets the dosage right? What about a bandaid if she cuts herself? Can SM get one of those for her or does she have to call you first? I think these pidly things are what send the message that SM is an incompetent idiot and can't be trusted to do right by the SK. They are the types of things that set SM up for being disrespected by SKs.

Not really.  My 11 year old gets her own ibuprofen if I leave her here when she is sick (husband works nights and is here but asleep)  and knows to get only one.  Both my kids get their own bandaids unless the wound is quite painful and they need extra help. 

I expect ANY adult who is not the parent to call the parent who knows what is going on with my child before medicating them.  That would be me.  Schools have to make sure the parent is fine with it, friends parents do also... SM is not exception to the medicating of my children. 

That isn't teaching the kids to be disrespectful.  That is teaching the kids that there are not many people who have permission to medicate them no matter what it is.  Even my best friend of years and years (and has known my kids from birth) asks me each and every time before giving my kids anything medicinal... they love her to bits even though she can't make that decision on her own.

In isolation, no, having SK call BM/BF before taking an Advil does not directly teach the SK to be disrespectful. But, "these types of [piddly] things" set SM up for being disrespected. Another example might better help explain where I'm trying to go with this...SM tells SK (in BF's absence) that she should have a shower tonight because it's been a few days (eww) and she participated in a ton of sports, blah, blah, blah. A couple of minutes later, SM reminds SK of the shower and she says she doesn't have to because she called BM and BM said she didn't have to. I get that BM trumps SM in child rearing, but when SKs are conditioned to not listen to or not trust SMs judgement in inconsequential issues, it can easily get turned around in the SKs head that he/she doesn't have to listen to SM, ergo the disrespect down the road.

boysmom5
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 9:00 AM
2 moms liked this
I would never tell my boys that they didn't have to listen to their dad's gf. She's an adult and deserves common courtesy and respect. As a CSM I won't and don't tolerate disrespect from the two ss that live with or the one ss that doesn't. DH would never let any of his boys disrespect me either. If BM ever told them that they didn't have to listen or respect me DH would nip that in the butt real quick. She is holding on to custody of the youngest by a thread as is. She rarely tries anything stupid and DH doesn't cater to her when she does.
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blaquechinadoll
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 10:15 AM
I think that it is unhealthy & general bad parenting to tell a child not to obey any adult, unless there are specified rationales behind it.
IntactivistMama
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 11:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Nope. It's childish.

ShannaBee
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 12:37 PM

It is not healthy or right. I think children should respect and obey ANY authority figure be it parents, step parents, or a teacher.

savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2012 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Ha! Nutrition? They will not eat what I cook! But if its corn dogs pizza chips etc..I asked kids what their bio mom cooks,well she doesn't! Bio treats dad like crap..so I'm sure kids sees an hears it..dad talks to kids that its not right..when kids go home to moms..mom puts them in a room an ask them each to give details of their weekend/ week at dads? I stay out of it..but I'm so tired of the way they treat dad an myself



Quoting Pero1:



Quoting savingtheworld:

No..like I said, at my house my rules! Hygiene is required! An my husband is the one that gets the crap..from kid an bio..just bc they don't have a bed time at bios house or chooses not to give/make kids shower! An I'm sorry but I am not a short order chief, they do not eat any thing unless its junk! I provide 3 meals a day! If u don't like what's on the menu, well sorry..an by the way I always make an alternate!

Again, isn't that a DH problem that started way before your household came into existance? How did your husband view hygiene during his previous relationship with BM? How about nutrition?


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Pero1
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 5:46 PM


Quoting savingtheworld:

Ha! Nutrition? They will not eat what I cook! But if its corn dogs pizza chips etc..I asked kids what their bio mom cooks,well she doesn't! Bio treats dad like crap..so I'm sure kids sees an hears it..dad talks to kids that its not right..when kids go home to moms..mom puts them in a room an ask them each to give details of their weekend/ week at dads? I stay out of it..but I'm so tired of the way they treat dad an myself


I didn't enquire about BM. I enquired about dad's views, during his relationship with BM, prior to your arrival. DId he provide healthy meals for them?

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