Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Am I wrong?

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:30 PM
  • 34 Replies

For the past six months me and my SO have been having issues with the BM. They have an aggreed schedule for when they each have the kids. She is constantly making excuses as to why she cannot pick them up or why she has to bring them back early. Most of the time she says its work related. If I thought that were true I'd have no issue with it but alot of the times she'll make FB posts about who and where she's partying with at the time shes supposed to be working. This last time she brought them back early because again she had to work extra days. Earlier in the day she made a FB post about her going out of town. Dont get me wrong. I love having the kids around and so does my son. I just think its unfair that we have to constantly change our schedules because she doesnt want to deal with the kids. I'd like a break on my days off sometimes. I've talked to my SO several times about it. He has started standing up to her a little more and this last time he asked her about it. She told him the post was for next weekend and she then removed him from her fb. He took her word for it and said nothing more. This infuriates me.  Am I wrong for thinking he needs to grow a pair and quit letting her yank us around?  I'd like to get a handle on this situation. I feel helpless. 

by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:30 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
jessiesluv
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I would have dh talk to her. Have him offer her a different schedule with less time. Maybe he needs to make the first move. Offer her EOWE.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:41 PM
3 moms liked this
Despite what it feels like, this is a dh problem. He is the one with the power to say no. He should exercise it

My dh used to do the same thing. I stopped changing my plans and helping him out. Change my schedule without asking? You are on your own. Completely. And I take dd somewhere and have fun. Answering the cell? No. Your plan. Your responsibility.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
steffbar
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:56 PM

I have tried this before but he always gives me a guilt trip. Goes something like "If your gonna be my wife, and a part of the kids lives you can't bail on us when we need you" or "How do you think this makes me feel"  Guess im gonna have to stick to my guns and see what happens. 

jcampbell288
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 2:20 PM

could be worse.. she could be taking the children partying with her...

jessiesluv
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 2:30 PM

I would rather have the kids full time, knowing I'm going to have them full time, then not knowing what my schedule is.

Dh needs to offer her another schedule. Let her do her partying. Keep the kids safe.

BMof2SMof2
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:02 PM
1 mom liked this
DH should put his foot down but now that BM deleted him as a friend on FB you probably won't know if she's lying or not. If DH lets BM make those kind of decisions then make sure DH knows, if he is keeping the kids or letting BM drop them off early it is not going to interfere with YOUR plans. Sooner or later he will grow a set when he realizes you aren't going to drop everything to accomodate a decision he and BM made.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rebeccasmly
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 5:59 PM

I agree with jessiesluv. I think he should offer her a schedule change to where the kids are with you all the majority of the time. Not only would it be better for you (knowing how to schedule your things) but it will also be better for the kids to be on a schedule that is actually being followed so they know where they're suppose to be at and what to expect.

USBrit
by Silver Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 6:02 PM

don't read her facebook! This just causes you to be upset...not worth it.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Sep. 22, 2012 at 6:04 PM

If DH is ok with her doing this, then you really have no say, those are his kids.  If it bothers him, then he needs to deal with it, not you.  And you need to quit looking at BM's facebook if it's going to aggravate you so much.  If she's a friend of yours, delete and block her.

I just don't understand folks that friend each other for the one reason of keeping track of what the other person is doing, and then getting irritated about it.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 6:10 PM
2 moms liked this
Response: if you are going to be my husband, you will damn well parent your kids. I'm not marrying you so you can dump your parenting responsibility on me. Also, if you are allowing your kids to ignore and be rude to me, I do have better things to do with my time.


Quoting steffbar:

I have tried this before but he always gives me a guilt trip. Goes something like "If your gonna be my wife, and a part of the kids lives you can't bail on us when we need you" or "How do you think this makes me feel"  Guess im gonna have to stick to my guns and see what happens. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN