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something to talk about

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:40 PM
  • 14 Replies
Don't know what to title this post. Bored because rain is keeping us inside. So I'm pulling stuff from the past to bring to the group.

What should happen to SKs if both bios die?

My manager from a previous job had lost his mom, I can't remember what happened. His dad remarried, but tragically he died from an accident. My manager was about 19-22 at the time (it's been a few years and I can't remember).

Anyways, when his parents died he had to fight his SM for custody of his minor sister. He eventually won but it was a draining process.

What would happen to your SKs if both bios die? Would you fight for custody against a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or even an older sibling?
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by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:40 PM
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by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:45 PM

My stepkids are 17 and 13 at this point, so it's already a moot question probably.

But if BOTH my DH and BM died, I would fight for custody of my SD13. She does have relatives on her  mom's side, she has grandparents and an aunt, but I feel she should stay with me. She sees them a once or twice a year, they are not close. If SD wanted to go live with one of them, I'd let her go, because it would be hard to win the case if she wanted to go with them. but if she wanted to stay with me, I'd hire a shark lawyer, or a whole team of lawyers if I had to, and I'd fight them.

by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:47 PM
SD is 18 so it wouldn't make any difference at this point. Had anything happened before she turned 18 it would have been her Mom's sister who would get her.
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by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:54 PM
Well, my stepson's mom passed away and God forbid anything happen to my husband I can honestly say with no doubt that no family members for either side would take him from me. However, if need be I would put up one hell of a war over that child!
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by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:55 PM
My DH has a large insurance policy that he told me to fight for custody with if anything were to happen to him.
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by Le Bonjour Chat on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:59 PM

I'd fight because none of DHs or BMs people live in our area and it would probaby be best not to move the kids if something happened to either BM or DH.  I have the same thought as WIKN, on their mom's side, they don't see their nana OR aunt (or either of BMs bioparents and biosiblings) more than once a year and I don't think her family is particularly close.  Soooo...if DH's parents felt they were too old to raise the girls (they see DH's family more than BMs), I'd want them to stay with me.

by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 1:59 PM

I am not aware that SS is close to anyone on his mom's side. He isn't particularly close to anyone on his dad's side. My DH wouldn't want his parents raising his kids if there was another option.

I guess I'd be willing to fight, if it came to that. SS is almost 14, so hopefully it wouldn't. If he wanted to be with one of his mom's relatives (like I said, I don't think he is close with any of them) then that would be his choice, but if he wanted to be here, close to his paternal grandparents (maternal has only seen him like 3 times in his life, and aunts and uncle (mom's half sibs) only see him like once a year if that) and siblings and friends since birth, then I'd fight his other family members for custody. I'm sure I know more about him than any of them do anyway.

by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 2:01 PM

My step daughter is almost 17 with a kid, so the choice of where she wanted to go would be up to her. I'm pretty sure she'd go to her grandparents, but if she wanted to stay with me I'd be more than happy to take her.

by Ruby Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 2:12 PM

 idk, there is me then BM has her full bio sister that lost her own kid permanently anmd her full bro who only does side jobs and lets his wifey support him. and she has her rich gramma but she cant even handle the 4 year old and wont even babysit him so i cant see her taking in BM's four kids. i have no idea man.

by Ruby Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 2:22 PM

I think SS would end up with DH's mother.

by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 2:33 PM

Hmm... good question.  My inclination would be to say no because I'm not blood family, but thinking about what other options there would be, I think I'm the only one they've got.

DH's parents are too old to cope with the kids and not in the best physical health either.  BM's mom cannot handle them beyond short visitations (mental health issues), and BM's dad is estranged (never even met the kids).  The only blood relative who'd conceivably fight for custody would be BM's brother, who is recently divorced and dating a married woman (crazy drama not often seen outside reality TV).  I have no idea what priority the law gives to wilding uncles vs. stable step-parents, but if there was any chance of getting them, I'd take it.  SD13 would choose me anyway, so assuming a judge would hear her, the fight would be over SS8. 

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