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Denial...

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 1:30 AM
  • 7 Replies

DH has been emailing bm with some concerns about SS behavior and some of the things he has been saying. He has been using foul language, lying, yelling, and he pulled DS ear so hard that his ear lobe tore and bled. BM response was that we have to understand that he is different and may not be the same as our children so we shouldn't get mad at him. DH and I agree, SS is different, but some of the things he does are not normal for a 4 year old... anyways DH suggested to BM that maybe SS need some kind of therapy, counseling, or psych evaluation to see why is acts the way he does (there has been times when neither of our kids are home and he will come to us and say that one of them hit him and pulled his hair even though he is the only one there, amongst many other things). BM was extremely upset about this and said he is too young to be evaluated or go to counseling and that she refuses to do this. Well, SS has been in school for about a month now and he has had several incidents with hitting, lying, and foul language. The school is requesting to speak to all of us regarding a psych evaluation or possible therapy in order to help him with his social skills or else he will have to be dropped from the program because they cannot handle him. We told her about all these issues with us a long time ago and she refused to listen or accept any of what we said, but now SS runs the risk of getting dropped from his preschool program. Why can't some people accept the fact that sometimes what other people are saying might be true?

by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 1:30 AM
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Replies (1-7):
feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 1:41 AM
My friends little brother just got diagnosed with autism at the age of 5 almost 6 and we've all kind of known since he was 2. He doesn't talk and he just finished potty training.... Her whole family seemed surprised but everyone around him already knew. But nobody wants to believe something is wrong or different with their baby, or sibling, or cousin, or whatever.

I think this is more then a 'bm is so stubborn' issue and more of a senstivity issue
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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Sep. 26, 2012 at 1:41 AM
Bc then they have to accept it I believe. My nephew7 is "different" he is a slow learner and isn't at all at the. Level he should be at. My brother will not budge if you tell him maybe my nephew needs a diff learning approach(or special Ed.) or that nephew probably needs to get checked for a learning disability.

That would mean my nephew isn't "normal" and that's not something my brother or SIL want to hear. Even though I think it would be smart to have him evaluated bc my nephew is falling behind again in school.
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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Sep. 26, 2012 at 1:44 AM
Me too. It's the word the poster put.. Denial. It means your child isn't "normal" and that's hard to face. I think I'd be open if someone told me my kid needed help or whatever. But then again,I've never been in this situation.

I've only had to deal with cosmetic issues with my dds.


Quoting feliciasmith:

My friends little brother just got diagnosed with autism at the age of 5 almost 6 and we've all kind of known since he was 2. He doesn't talk and he just finished potty training.... Her whole family seemed surprised but everyone around him already knew. But nobody wants to believe something is wrong or different with their baby, or sibling, or cousin, or whatever.



I think this is more then a 'bm is so stubborn' issue and more of a senstivity issue
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feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 1:55 AM
Not me, if my own mother said anything less then confirmations of my dd's perfection I'd flip haha

Bm might also consider it critizism in some crazy way


Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

Me too. It's the word the poster put.. Denial. It means your child isn't "normal" and that's hard to face. I think I'd be open if someone told me my kid needed help or whatever. But then again,I've never been in this situation.



I've only had to deal with cosmetic issues with my dds.





Quoting feliciasmith:

My friends little brother just got diagnosed with autism at the age of 5 almost 6 and we've all kind of known since he was 2. He doesn't talk and he just finished potty training.... Her whole family seemed surprised but everyone around him already knew. But nobody wants to believe something is wrong or different with their baby, or sibling, or cousin, or whatever.





I think this is more then a 'bm is so stubborn' issue and more of a senstivity issue

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cruelella2to
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 3:07 AM

ss on this side has learning disabilities most likely steming from bm drinking during the first half of the pregnancy. According to dh she didn't know she was pregnant untill she was almost 5 months and when she found out she quit partying none the less ss has difficulty in some areas. When the school evaluated him throughly when sk's came to live with us a few years ago bm took it as a personal attack. She took it as dh saying she was a bad mom didn't do what should have been done and that she caused it. Nobody was blaming her he was simply trying to keep her updated. when sk's went back to live with her she had ss removed from the class and put in all the "regular" classes. She sees ss's weakness in school as a personal failing. maybe thats what is going on

sassy711
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 9:07 AM
1 mom liked this

BM may well be in denial.  But if SS behavior is also at school, that puts a different spin on the whole thing.  Sometimes you or DH can say the same thing over and over but BM won't believe you.  Once the school - an objective party - explains the SS behavior and their concerns, BM may listen because it's someone else saying it to her.  Sad but true.  Good luck

new_mommy0430
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 11:49 PM

Thanks everyone for your replies, sadly a long time ago I told BM and DH that SS was not normal in certain aspects and that there may be something else going on with him (loyalty issues or whatever) DH told BM what we thought was going on but ... BM kept stating that he was just confused and that he was too young to know anything. But now I'm glad that someone aside from us has noticed. His school agrees he maybe having loyalty issues and that involving the whole family (BM, DH, SM, DS, DD) will help him since usually BM considers his family ONLY HERSELF AND SS, not us... we are what she calls "extended family and we don't really count". Her words, not mine... :(

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