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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

I just want to know hope the moms in here don't eat me alive lol

Posted by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:38 PM
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Can someone please tell me a reasonable valid answer to why most biological mothers do not want step mothers to love and care for step children as if the children were their own? I seems like from the post iv read BMs don't want SPs to miss love talking about sensitive subjects or in some cases be affectionet. I know everyones case is different but it seems like BMs want the SP to be a basic babysitter if they have to be in their child's life. Like of course BM wants SP to feed cloth and make sure their child is not hurt while in SPs care but that's it any other emotional connection seems to be "crossing the line" I'd like to hear from SPs who do love their SPs like their own and what they think too
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:38 PM
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:46 PM
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I'm a BM. My ex had EOWE. If his wife, who came into my kids' lives when they were 14 and 12, and spent at the most, EOWE with them (no involvement in school, EC's or medical) said she loved them "like her own,"  I'd think she was insane.

Does that answer your question?

Momniscient
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:47 PM
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As a BM I do want whoever is the SM to love my child.

My child is amazing and deserves all the love the world has to offer. My child will not love me less and my child has an infinite heart for love.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:49 PM
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Quoting natasha_19:

 Like of course BM wants SP to feed cloth and make sure their child is not hurt while in SPs care b

no, we want their actual father to "feed cloth and make sure their child is not hurt." 

They are going to visit their father. not his wife. Right? 

we dont mind if the wife visits with them too, of course. But we are not sending our children over there for the wife. We are not sending them into the "SP's care." They might as well stay home if they are just going over there to be "in the SP's care."

natasha_19
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:49 PM
lol ok so in your case the SP came into your children's life when they were older and she dose not spend alot of time with them nor is she part of important thing in their life. yeah i get where you are coming from in your situation.
natasha_19
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:51 PM
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Quoting Momniscient:

As a BM I do want whoever is the SM to love my child.

My child is amazing and deserves all the love the world has to offer. My child will not love me less and my child has an infinite heart for love.




i'm a BM too and feel the same way :)
chipperer1ca
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:52 PM
Id love my kids' sm to love them like her own. And she may very well when they're there. She won't talk to me so idk. In my case its my ex whohas told his wife she is not their mom so don't try to act like it.
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natasha_19
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:54 PM
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Quoting whatIknownow:




i say that because a lot of the time dad works and so when the kids are with him on his time instead of hiring a baby sitter the dad will most likely leave the SKs with the stepmom. i know as a mom we would always want our children to be with us if we are available, but most of the time dads parenting time is his time and the kids get left with the SM as their babysitter.
meerkat101
by Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:57 PM
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In don't think it has anything to do with not wanting a stepparent to love the stepkids....

It has more to do with the phrase "I love them like my own".
To be honest (and I'm a sm and a bm), if someone says that they love their stepkids exactly like they do their bio-kids, I don't believe them.
The test for me is that if my bio-child and my step-child were both in grave danger - who will I save? The answer for any parent will be their bio-child. That is programmed into our dna.

So I think that is what bothers the bm.

Disclaimer - should a stepparent adopt a child, or bm is NOT at all involved, or bm is deceased, THEN I might start to believe that you love them like your own - because then you actually became MOM.
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BMof2SMof2
by on Sep. 26, 2012 at 8:59 PM
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Question: Would you WANT his wife involved in school, ECs or medical?

Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm a BM. My ex had EOWE. If his wife, who came into my kids' lives when they were 14 and 12, and spent at the most, EOWE with them (no involvement in school, EC's or medical) said she loved them "like her own,"  I'd think she was insane.

Does that answer your question?

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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Sep. 26, 2012 at 9:00 PM


Quoting natasha_19:

Quoting whatIknownow:




i say that because a lot of the time dad works and so when the kids are with him on his time instead of hiring a baby sitter the dad will most likely leave the SKs with the stepmom. i know as a mom we would always want our children to be with us if we are available, but most of the time dads parenting time is his time and the kids get left with the SM as their babysitter.

I understand that SMs are used as babysitters quite often. Of course we want our babysitters to love our children.

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