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**UPDATE**Advice please...

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I'm going to try and make this as short and to the point as I can, but there's a lot to it. DH and I need advice about whether or not to pursue full custody now or not. We had everything organized and ready to have a consultation with his lawyer, but there were some changes in circumstance and DH thought we should wait and see what happens first. Should we do that or continue with our prior agenda?

Here's our reasons for pursuing full custody:

BM has been arrested for Domestic Assault along with her gf at the time, while the kids were in her custody. BM has been off and on with this same gf since before DH and I started dating. During that time, there has been numerous altercations between them that the kids have seen. There has been no arrests only because they both would be arrested no matter who was at fault. The kids have seen their mother being choked and hit multiple times with aq vacuum cleaner attachment. They recently had an altercation that sent BM to the ER to get checked out, and we had to watch the kids for her. After this is when DH decided he was done and we started preparing to go to see his lawyer.

BM has also lived in 7 different places since June 2010. That, to me is extremely unstable and not good for the kids. At one time she was living in a 3 bedroom apt with 2 of her friends, which I believe were barely if even 21. Now she is living in a tiny little 2 bedroom apt. She only has a little toddler bed put together for them, and they take turns sleeping in it. The other 2 sleep in a pallet on the floor. DH and I have given her 2 beds for the kids, plus she got every single piece of furniture in the divorce. Since she moves so much she's gotten rid of almost ALL of it.

There's several more things like her being unbearable to deal with at times and not even attempting to compromise. Everything is her way and only her way. She has degraded DH in front of the kids numerous times. Before they got divorced, she kept the kids from him from June 28, 2010 until Sept 17 when he put a restraining order against her bc she was arrested for domestic assault. She is easier to get along with now, but she still is making horrible decisions when it comes to stability safety and wellbeing of her children.

The change incircumstance is, BM's gf was back in the picture only a few short days after the ER visit, but Sat night when BM was at work gf invited friends over to her apt and got drunk. BM came home infurated and ended up locking her out. GF called the cops and was arrested for public intoxication. Mon BM got an order of protection put against GF and she say she is done with her for good now. Here's the big shocker...BM told DH she is 15 weeks pregnant! She had started seeing this guy for a couple of weeks while her and GF were split up in june/july. Wow, just wow. DH thinks this pregnancy will straighten her up, but last night she was texting me about how if she was doing the right thing letting GF go why she felt so shitty and so on and so on. I know she wants her back and it's only a matter of time bfore she is back in the picture. Once the order of protection is dismissed or whatever comes of it and if GF is ok with her being pregnant. They will be back together again...UNSTABLE UNSTABLE UNSTABLE!!

So since BM and GF split we kept the babies for her wed from 11-945 and thurs 130 til 9 fri morning. DH drove by her apt this morning after he took SD7 to school. Guess who's car was there? Yep the crazy GF!! He called and said something to her and later she sent a text that it was her relationship her business and that GF has never hurt the kids and never would. What she doesn't get is GF is hurting the kids!!!! Maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally she is. Tonight I was coming home from my mom's and I have to drive by her apt. Guess who was there yet again tonight?! They have in their parenting plan that no one whom they are romantically involved with can stay past the kids bedtime. I guess she hasn't changed...

by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:31 PM
Replies (11-15):
kristinbugg
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm a CPS worker. The fact that the children witnessed domestic violence is considered child neglect/maltreatment and should be sufficient grounds for custody change.


Quoting jncstepmomof3:

What if GF stays out of the picture? I think since she has the order of protection againist her that now he thinks he has no chance bc the major "problem" is out of the picture. I think there's more to it though and even without GF she hasn't provided a stable home. And it can be proven that she has continuouisly gone back and is likely to go back this time considering the messages she sent to me last night.


 I'm tired of trying to convince him it's the right thing to do. His family wants me to stay on him, but I just can't anymore. It's his decision and I willl support him either way.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jncstepmomof3
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:14 PM



Quoting kristinbugg:

I'm a CPS worker. The fact that the children witnessed domestic violence is considered child neglect/maltreatment and should be sufficient grounds for custody change.




Quoting jncstepmomof3:

What if GF stays out of the picture? I think since she has the order of protection againist her that now he thinks he has no chance bc the major "problem" is out of the picture. I think there's more to it though and even without GF she hasn't provided a stable home. And it can be proven that she has continuouisly gone back and is likely to go back this time considering the messages she sent to me last night.



 I'm tired of trying to convince him it's the right thing to do. His family wants me to stay on him, but I just can't anymore. It's his decision and I willl support him either way.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jncstepmomof3
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:44 PM
Would they interview the kids to see what they've seen?


Quoting kristinbugg:

I'm a CPS worker. The fact that the children witnessed domestic violence is considered child neglect/maltreatment and should be sufficient grounds for custody change.




Quoting jncstepmomof3:

What if GF stays out of the picture? I think since she has the order of protection againist her that now he thinks he has no chance bc the major "problem" is out of the picture. I think there's more to it though and even without GF she hasn't provided a stable home. And it can be proven that she has continuouisly gone back and is likely to go back this time considering the messages she sent to me last night.



 I'm tired of trying to convince him it's the right thing to do. His family wants me to stay on him, but I just can't anymore. It's his decision and I willl support him either way.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kristinbugg
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 9:53 PM
Yes, they would. They should also have access to police reports. You should document anything the kids tell you or DH about what they've witnessed.


Quoting jncstepmomof3:

Would they interview the kids to see what they've seen?




Quoting kristinbugg:

I'm a CPS worker. The fact that the children witnessed domestic violence is considered child neglect/maltreatment and should be sufficient grounds for custody change.






Quoting jncstepmomof3:

What if GF stays out of the picture? I think since she has the order of protection againist her that now he thinks he has no chance bc the major "problem" is out of the picture. I think there's more to it though and even without GF she hasn't provided a stable home. And it can be proven that she has continuouisly gone back and is likely to go back this time considering the messages she sent to me last night.




 I'm tired of trying to convince him it's the right thing to do. His family wants me to stay on him, but I just can't anymore. It's his decision and I willl support him either way.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ShannaBee
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:14 PM

Catching the update and it sucks when BMs stay in bad relationships because you are right, it does affect the kids more than she would think.

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