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fostering/adoption?

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:02 PM
  • 12 Replies
I have thought about fostering or adopting for many years even before I was married. I have no bios yet and not sure if I will. The only concern I have is my skids, they are all kind of high needs. The oldest currently lives with BM but not sure if that will continue next year, she is autistic. My SD11 is emotionally needy and is kind of jealous of sharing DHs and my attention. SS8 has some attachment issues as well. Im afraid they may be upset if we have to focus some of our time on another child. Also, if sd12 comes back to live with us, it may be a bit more chaotic then we are equipped to handle. I just feel a strong desire to be a foster or adoptive parent and I feel I could provide a great life for another child. Thoughts?
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by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:19 PM

BUMP!

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:19 PM

DH and I were foster parents for a year. All I can say is HELL NO!!  I even had a DHS worker tell me that if we wanted to adopt not to go through fostering, go through a private agency. It's that bad.

We provided a great life for the kids we had through fostering, there is just so much more there in their backgrounds that they can't always overcome, kwim? My advice is if you are going to foster/adopt is only if it is a young child- infant to maybe 2 years old. I would not go any older than that if you want to adopt. I say this on my own reasons that I won't go into here. If you want to message me, I'll elaborate more.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:44 PM

If you're worried about your skids having high needs, you'll probably want to rethink fostering.  Now you're talking about children whose home lives were bad enough for the state to take them.  There is baggage there.  Lots and lots of baggage.  That doesn't mean the kids are bad, but they will have unique emotional needs.  If you don't think you're the right person to deal with those needs, don't do it. 

My cousin and his wife got the grand idea they were going to foster-to-adopt a couple of boys.  I think the kids were both pre-teens.  They spent a lot of time with the boys, seemed to get along famously, brought them home... and changed their minds.  The kids had "unforeseen" emotional issues.  My cousin is oblivious, and his wife has some sort of emotional form of munchausen's by proxy (her perfectly healthy biochildren all have make-believe ailments because it wins her MOTY sympathy)... but really?  Unforeseen?  I have a strong suspicion that fostering was an attention ploy for cousin's wife, but point being, their naivete only hurt those kids further. 

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:16 PM

wow, that's sad. I am not so worried about me not being able to handle their needs, but that it could disrupt my skids lives and effect them negatively. My skids are pretty sensitive to changes and any upsets in their lives and I don't want this to cause problems for them. IDK, it's a tough decision. I know that foster kids can have some serious issues but I just feel like too many people give up them too easily and that they need more people that actually want to help them.

Quoting Derdriu:

If you're worried about your skids having high needs, you'll probably want to rethink fostering.  Now you're talking about children whose home lives were bad enough for the state to take them.  There is baggage there.  Lots and lots of baggage.  That doesn't mean the kids are bad, but they will have unique emotional needs.  If you don't think you're the right person to deal with those needs, don't do it. 

My cousin and his wife got the grand idea they were going to foster-to-adopt a couple of boys.  I think the kids were both pre-teens.  They spent a lot of time with the boys, seemed to get along famously, brought them home... and changed their minds.  The kids had "unforeseen" emotional issues.  My cousin is oblivious, and his wife has some sort of emotional form of munchausen's by proxy (her perfectly healthy biochildren all have make-believe ailments because it wins her MOTY sympathy)... but really?  Unforeseen?  I have a strong suspicion that fostering was an attention ploy for cousin's wife, but point being, their naivete only hurt those kids further. 


kkkaaayyyy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:24 PM

 If your Step Children already have emotional issues than I would NOT bring another child into the home who is looking for a forever home and have them deal with another hectic unknown environment.  If it were just you or just you and your SO I would say definitely go for it. If it's your dream to take care of and foster children, you should move on and do that yourself but as for having foster children in your home with other children that have emotional issues, i wouldn't recommend it.

"Live one day at a time."

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:03 PM

Oh, there is noway I would leave my DH and skids to be a foster mom on my own. I'm totally committed to my marriage and stepkids for life, I will only foster or adopt if it works for our family. I guess I may need to wait until the kids or older, I don't want to cause them more problems. We have had exchange students stay with us before but I know that is way different, but they do enjoy having new people around, but they may not like if other people are taking our attention away from them.

Quoting kkkaaayyyy:

 If your Step Children already have emotional issues than I would NOT bring another child into the home who is looking for a forever home and have them deal with another hectic unknown environment.  If it were just you or just you and your SO I would say definitely go for it. If it's your dream to take care of and foster children, you should move on and do that yourself but as for having foster children in your home with other children that have emotional issues, i wouldn't recommend it.


angelmommy2806
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 9:05 PM

With your skids having those kind of issues you may want to wait. We're adopting our nephew that we've had since he was a baby. After hearing a lot of the foster parents stories though I don't know if I have tough enough skin for it.

DDDaysh
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 9:44 PM

That's hard.  I've wanted to as well, but I know it wouldn't be good for my DS, so I've decided to re-evaluate that once he is grown.  


KellyReedy
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:49 PM

We are doing this!  Infact we have a 16 mo old we have had since he was 3 mo.  LOVE OF MY LIFE! He should be finalized in adoption in NOVEMBER!!!!  And his now 5 mo old sister....we got her at 12 hours old!  Termination of parents rights in Dec. She should be finalized by her 1st bday.  I too had no bios.  But my skids, tho bratty, aren't high needs!  You should try fostering! It might help skids! Sit them down and explain WHY and WHAT these kids come from!

rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:25 AM

Glad you've had a positive experience with fostering, do you think the fact the the kids are babies makes it easier? I haven't decided which age group I would want to foster if I do. It's a really tough decision for me so i will have to think and pray long and hard until I am sure it's the right thing. That's exciting that you are able to adopt them!

Quoting KellyReedy:

We are doing this!  Infact we have a 16 mo old we have had since he was 3 mo.  LOVE OF MY LIFE! He should be finalized in adoption in NOVEMBER!!!!  And his now 5 mo old sister....we got her at 12 hours old!  Termination of parents rights in Dec. She should be finalized by her 1st bday.  I too had no bios.  But my skids, tho bratty, aren't high needs!  You should try fostering! It might help skids! Sit them down and explain WHY and WHAT these kids come from!


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