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My DD SM drives me crazy by being over-bearing! HELP!

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:50 AM
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First, let me say I am a GOOD mom.  I'm not one of those good-for-nothing lame mom's.  My daughter's step mom is OVER involved in EVERYTHING and it makes me so crazy!  She goes so far as to tell me when she thinks MY daughter wil lbe old enough to date boys (she's only 6 right now).  And now she's joining the parent-teacher association at my daughter's school.  She lives 45-minutes away and is going to drive over here just so she can go.  Is there an appropriate way for me to tell her to butt out?  Why is she interferring on my turf?  If she wants to be a real mom, she should have her own kid!


am I being irrational and just plain rude?  She's a good person, but I don't like her personality.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:54 AM
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You are not being irrational. I think you just need to make your boundries clear to your ex.

Pero1
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:55 AM

If you have a good relationship with her, then maybe talk to her first. After that, involve your ex.


Ms.Gwen
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:57 AM
Boundaries are your friend! If she's a NCSM then FERPA has got your back on kicking her out of all school involvement (except open house cause that's open to the public). If I were you I'd bring it up with your ex. If that didn't work I'd bring it up with the school. If that still didn't work then I'd have my lawyer talking to both the ex and the school.
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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:09 AM
1 mom liked this

how much parenting time does your Ex have with your DD?

I agree it's a little over the top for her to join the PTA at your DD's school if she is noncustodial, and the school is 45 minutes away from her. Were you planning to join the PTA yourself? If not, then having her on the PTA won't really matter. I have been a member of the PTA, nothing really happens, the meetings are boring.  She might just get bored and quit.

LovingMy2x4
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:33 AM

I would try to talk to her first in the nicest way possible. "I truly appreciate how much you love my daughter, but as her mom I want these moments and I want to be the one to do these things"...If she doesnt get the hint then I would talk to your ex and ask him to have her back up a little. 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:35 AM

 I'm curious....what was your response to her when she told you what she thinks on when your daughter should date?

MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:36 AM

Is she the one pushing for it, or is it your ex who wants her to do it?

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:40 AM
3 moms liked this

It seems like a case of newstepmommyitis.  

OP, I would try to pick your battles and put things in perspective. Not saying she's right, just that, these are the battles (over silly things like joining the PTA) that lead to wars, that lead to nightmarish situations that the kids WILL be dragged into.

I would let this PTA thing go. you are not in any danger of losing your daughter to this SM. She's not even a CSM. Let her feel like she's being involved. In fact, send her an email thanking her for being so interested in your daughter and that you certainly appreciate her efforts to be a good SM.

If she's doing it to pee on your DD, to mark her territory, take the power away by welcoming her participation. And trust me - you really don't want to go to PTA meetings! Stay home and have a glass of wine (or two).

kellynh
by Kelly on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:30 AM
Lol.. Dating... Really... I'm curious... What age did she think was appropriate, and would you have agreed on the age? That's a little messed up. Try to laugh it off, in reality she will have no input on this.

I agree with WIKN, send her an email thanking her. PTA meetings are boring as hell. Heck, go further and have her sign up to do all the fundraisers. There are a lot of them!! Hehehe... She has no idea what's she's in for. If she was trying to be in control, that will take the wind out of her sails, quick. Plus, she can't go around calling you a bitch for keeping schooling from your ex.
Puggly
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:32 AM

What age did she say SD should be dating?  Why can't she have an opinion and be involved?  There are a lot of people involved in the parent-teacher association, why can't SM be one of those people?  I think you are being rude.

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