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My DD SM drives me crazy by being over-bearing! HELP!

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First, let me say I am a GOOD mom.  I'm not one of those good-for-nothing lame mom's.  My daughter's step mom is OVER involved in EVERYTHING and it makes me so crazy!  She goes so far as to tell me when she thinks MY daughter wil lbe old enough to date boys (she's only 6 right now).  And now she's joining the parent-teacher association at my daughter's school.  She lives 45-minutes away and is going to drive over here just so she can go.  Is there an appropriate way for me to tell her to butt out?  Why is she interferring on my turf?  If she wants to be a real mom, she should have her own kid!

am I being irrational and just plain rude?  She's a good person, but I don't like her personality.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:50 AM
Replies (41-50):
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 3:15 PM

You can't control whether or not she joins PTA. You should speak with your DDs dad about this.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 3:16 PM

Can you sit down and talk to her and let her know how you feel? Are do you think that conversation will go nowhere?

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 3:18 PM
Whoa, SM might want to step back. I live right down theroad from my DSD and I am not a member of her PTA.
I think that stepmoms occasionally have a foot in the mouth problem. I do sometimes, and I apologize when I catch myself.
by Ruby Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 3:19 PM
This is how I felt at first tooOP. I decided to let it go and not care. She can tell me all day long how she thinks XYZ that doesn't mean I have to do what she says. I also don't care if she goes to the school. I'm not concerned that everyone is going to think she is the mom and I am not. I think my mistake was letting her know that it bothered me because it made it worse. When I quit letting her know that it bothered me her efforts died down.
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by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 3:20 PM

You can pay the dues and not go to meetings. I don't see how joining PTA is a big deal. If she goes to these things and acts like she is mom then that is a problem. Our school's PTA president isn't a mom, she's an aunt. And if the bioparent doesn't want to be invovled with that sort of thing then PTA will happily take the SP who will be invovled and help out.

Find a way to gently ask her to back off some? IDK. So far she doesn't seem to have done too much to try and take over.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 6:09 PM
This. That would make me mad.

Quoting soonergirl980:

You are not being irrational. I think you just need to make your boundries clear to your ex.

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by Silver Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 6:16 PM
Is it good for your dd? Is she suffering in any way as a result? Ask that then answer your own questions. Your have to remove personal feelings and think about your child first.
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by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:44 PM
We're not talking about Dad. This about SM. You have made this situation personal. No, I seriously doubt you are more important than mom. I'm not sure about your husband but I doubt he is "more important".

Quoting Puggly:

SD has more than a Mom.  I don't understand why my DH isn't just as important if not more important than BM.

Quoting chasinrainbows:

It has everything to do with BM's life....that is HER daughter. SM is stepping on toes, BIG TIME. My fiance has 3 kids and I imagine their mom would not appreciate me joining HER kid's PTA.

Quoting Puggly:

It has nothing to do with BM's life.  It has to do with SD's life.

Quoting chasinrainbows:

Becoming a step-mom doesn't not give one the right to completely butt into BM's life that I'm quite sure was running just fine before SM came to the rescue. This SM obviously thinks she is another mom to this kid.

Quoting Puggly:

Quoting kellynh:

Quoting Puggly:

What age did she say SD should be dating?  Why can't she have an opinion and be involved?  There are a lot of people involved in the parent-teacher association, why can't SM be one of those people?  I think you are being rude.

How is she being rude? She didn't write that she actually said anything to SM. She asked for advise. I am a BM and a SM. I certainly wouldn't join the skids PTA, unless I was invited to and we lived close enough for me to do so. They suck, glad I'm far enough away. However, as a BM... I wouldn't have a problem with dd's SM joining. However, my kids SM would never just *tell* me what she is doing. She would ask my opinion on it first. That is where she has earned my respect to the point I have no problems with anything she does with my kids.

She is complaining about someone who obviously cares for and loves her child.  Joining the PTA isn't doing anything wrong and she shouldn't have to have BM's permission to do so.  

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by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:47 PM
1 mom liked this
I think she might be the SM, lol.

Quoting E_is_4_Ethan:


You're joking right?

Quoting Puggly:

SD has more than a Mom.  I don't understand why my DH isn't just as important if not more important than BM.

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by Janice on Oct. 5, 2012 at 12:31 AM

this was exactly what i was thinking, the SM in the op is a prime example of overbearing, and i think its rather shitty of puggly saying dad is more important than mom.  

Quoting packermomof2:


Quoting Puggly:


I still haven't seen anything about SM being overbearing.  Even you just agreed that she can join the PTA because you are too bored with it.  It would be good for at least one of them to be involved.

In your opinion it isn't overbearing, but the mom of the kid gets to decide that about her kids SPs's. 

There is no reason for every kid to have a personal rep on the PTA.  They raise money, they help put together things for an entire school (the junior high I work for has the PTA is putting on a Halloween dance.  My child is in J.H... she isn't going even IF she had a SM on the PTA putting it together).  It's for the entire school and while some things may benefit the sk it really isn't necessary for me or a SM to be on the PTA for my kids.

It is overbearing to tell a mom when you think her kid should date.  SMs opinion on that, especially at six years old, is moot.

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