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Step Daughter control of Father

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I am getting extremely frustrated with Dad and his daughter. SD is 19 and just left for college, but still seems to have Dad wrapped.

Let's step back and give some history. I started dating my hubby in January. He has a daughter he has raised since she was 14 or 15. She infact told her Dad she wanted her Mother out of the house (alcohol and drug problems). Dad has never told her no and stuck to it. She has been given anything she wants. He married a year after divorce and when that one told his daughter she couldn't go out for the weekend because she hadn't cleaned her room, Dad countermanded the decision. Very quickly that marriage was over because daughter saw she had the upper hand, and from all I have heard she used it to drive a wedge. It was her or the wife.

Okay...while we were dating, I invited soon to be SD to dinner at my house. She said she was coming. We waited over an hour past the time and she never came and didn't call. Finally Dad called her...she was having dinner at her Aunts...Dad's response..." Are you mad at me?". Not " you have been rude beyond reproach to my wife to own her an just....Are you mad at me" Guess that should have been a clue.  Then two weeks later we come in to the house after church so he can change clothes...and daughter and boyfriend are in her room with nothing on and know. What does Dad do? Nothing. Just walks away and shuts the door to his room until they leave.

Now...we get married in May and we go on vacation in June to my families home in the midwest. We had to come home in the middle of it due to death of his brother. SD has had a party and I had to clean up a huge mess. He has words with daughter over phone. We go back to the midwest to get my grandson and vehicle. The day we are coming home...SD called, must have been 5 times. I knew she was trying to determine when we would arrive at the house. She tells him she washed our bedding with hers. Never done this before...when he gets off the phone I ask...who slept in our bed? No way would his little girl let that happen he says. We get home...and she has had yet another party...this time everything of value I had has been stolen...diamond necklaces, earrings, my Mother's ring...everything my Father left me. Nothing of his is gone...only mine things. SD leaves after police call and suspect she was in to it up to her eyeballs. Dad just won't believe his precious daughter would have been involved. I come home after going to church and he tells me SD left to stay with Aunt and said I told her Mother I hate her. Now why would I tell his EX I hate his daughter. He spends the next two days calling her from his work and begging her to come home. She does and appears to be different, but very smug that she rules over Dad and lets me know in no uncertain terms when Dad isn't around...that she will always win out over me.

Still I'm having problems. He had an episode with his heart at work this week. I find out he called SD at college to talk to her before he called me.  Am I wrong to feel he should be calling me...his wife, first..not the daughter away at college. Am I being unreasonable. This is my 2nd marriage and I was divorced 14 years when I married him. My daughters are 35 and 37...way past all this.

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:25 AM
Replies (21-21):
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:42 PM

Honestly I think you are too hard on your stepdaughter. She is his daughter, his flesh and blood, so she will always be first. I am sorry she's stolen from you. I haven't experienced what you are going through so I am not much help. I do understand that it is hard and stressful to be a stepparent.

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