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How do you...advice greatly appreciated

Posted by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:51 AM
  • 13 Replies
...not give people or situations that are worrisome/frustrating/aggravating etc headspace? Or let it stress you out? Whether it be BMs, skids, DH or any situations...
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by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
meerkat101
by Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 3:15 AM
This is very very very (and some more very's) difficult. Especially if you have a type A personality like me.

But what I've learned to do (and I'm still practising!!), is to immediately evaluate the thought (is it worth worrying about?), and then actively replace the negative\toxic thought with a happy one.

And by actively replacing I mean thinking and concentrating on something else.

Hope it helps!!
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Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:41 AM
I agree. I just focus on something better :)
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 7:30 AM
1 mom liked this

for me, I did it by trying to  understand where the other person (BM) was coming from - where here behavior or actions were coming from. In my case, BM has bipolar disorder and many of her actions were because of that. Understanding that helped me accept  her actions and not take them personally. I also had to be honest and recognize my own actions that triggered her reactions and her behaviors. So I was not innocent. 

In the end I think I came to a 'it is what it is' kind of philosophy. 

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 7:55 AM
1 mom liked this
I reframe them. If something is truly a threat, I ensure that I have protected myself and my family. Example: if it is a financial threat, I ensure that I have money saved. If it is a physical threat, I either walk away or don't show up. If it is just someone spouting baloney about me, I see that as their problem and know that they are mostly damaging themselves.

In short, if you can eliminate the problem, if not then plan and mitigate it... And if that is not even possible, well, there is nothing to be done. Live. Be happy. And deal with things as you can.

Someone asked a monk once why he was so calm given that he had just been given a fatal diagnosis. The response: if there is a cure, then there is no reason to worry. If there is not, there is no need.

The quote is kinda loose. But the principle still holds.
MrsMama030912
by Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 10:10 AM
You are a wise woman!! I try and do this. My sd's bm also has bipolar and looking back at my own actions during really tense times I realize I probably just fueled her fire during her manic states !!!


Quoting whatIknownow:

for me, I did it by trying to  understand where the other person (BM) was coming from - where here behavior or actions were coming from. In my case, BM has bipolar disorder and many of her actions were because of that. Understanding that helped me accept  her actions and not take them personally. I also had to be honest and recognize my own actions that triggered her reactions and her behaviors. So I was not innocent. 

In the end I think I came to a 'it is what it is' kind of philosophy. 


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USBrit
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 10:17 AM

PRAYER!!! 

laughnchica
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:09 AM
Thank you all for the advice. It has been all great. I think it's going to take a lot of practice lol
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laughnchica
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 3:23 PM
Bump!
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angelmommy2806
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 3:26 PM
A hot bath, a good book and some music. Working out helps, along with doing chores. Anything to keep my mind busy.
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rebeccasmly
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:16 PM

It really depends on the situation and who's involved. If its BM and it doesn't affect the kids, I don't worry. If it involves the kids or DH with anything, I have a hard time not worrying about it. I am a worrier.

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