Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Dont think I have ever felt so hurt in my life......**UPDATE**

Posted by   + Show Post

***********************************************************************************************************

So on Saturday SS turned the big 19!! Him and DH went out to the local bar together and DH told me he would be having a chat with SS. he explained that him and gf are putting alot of stress on us as a couple and thst it has to stop, he expressed that it caused a fight on Friday and he said things to me he should have never said. SS came home that night and talked to gf, as well as appologized to me for causing the tension, gf has started pitching in around the house, she went and applied for a job at our local tea house (she told us that she has p/t work there helping with events and tidying rooms and doing house keeping when the local bed and breakfast has guests) so we will see how much work she takes and how it works out. Because we live in a small town its tough to get f/t work.

SS has decided that instead of a truck for his birthday a winter jacket would be more suitable. I am EXTREMELY proud of DH, I know it was probably not easy because I can understand why he would feel the need to compensate for the lost years. He has taken my side and has expressed to them both that we are NOT here to support them, we are here to help put a roof over their heads, assist them with getting on their feet out here in Alberta and are here to help build a relationship between father and son, but we are NOT here to be a free ride. Dh said he understands the situation that both SS and gf come from and if they came to us expecting a different lifestyle well they were sadly mistaken, we work on us and the two of them need to do the same.

**************************************************************************************************************

So after a few attempts to go for a 1.5 hour drive to pick up my SS and his GF's belongings out of a storage unit I found out tonight that my Saturday was volunteered and expected to go and get the task done, I have 3 of my own children, 2 of which are gone this weekend to their dad until sunday at 5:30pm...after finding out and being harped on to find out what time I was getting up, what time I aws plannin on leaving, what time we think we will get to the storage unit I called it quits, I went to bed where DH was already in bed (I was cleaning the kitchen) when I got to bed I told DH that I wasnt to pleased that I was volunteered to go and do this. He told me if I didnt like it than I guess something is not working and he will not have his son (who is 19 and his gf is 19)  leave because I am to selfish. I asked if he had any idea what I had planned for tomorrow and he said no but obviously its more important and now it looks like you will be house hunting.

I was than told that not only am I to be doing this but I also need to pay $259.00 for this damn storage unit, we have 3 children, all under the age of 8, we live on 1 income, and money is tight, I said if they are getting their things out of storage why do we have to pay for it? He said that SS's gf's MOTHER still has belongings in there and we have to pay it. Am I unreasonable for thinking it is NOT our responsibility to pay for this? Am I unreasonable for NOT wanting to spend an entire Saturday playing taxi driver to 2 ADULTS who dont work, just moved in with us and we have ALREADY given $700 to?? 

I am so upset I can barely type or think, we have been together for 4 years!!! My oldest 2 children are from a prevous relationship he said from day 1 that we are a backaged deal!! I recieve child support for my children and our son is 18 months old!! AM I WRONG HERE!! I am beside myself thinking I may be but I cant figure out HOW>!>!>!>!

by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:07 AM
Replies (41-47):
TheMomOf3-00
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:21 AM

God love ya my dear!!!

AND thank you!! I do agree, I think it awfully LOW of SS to only start showing interest when DH told him the value of what we have, DH came to Alberta 17 years ago, he came with the clothes on his back and his truck. He borrowed clothing from a friend he made and he proved he could hack it, that friend happened to be a VERY wealthy man, he proceeded to lend DH money ($80,000.00) to buy land he became an 'investor' in Dh and DH proceeded to go on and ride rodeos, the friend became his #1 sponser and he recieved EVERY dollar back, there has been ZERO talk from SS on paying us back, we GAVE them $700.00 but yet we still are being asked for other $$. $700.00 in 4 weeks!! WHEN THEY DONT HAVE RENT TO PAY!!! ARGH I TELL YA!!

I appreciate the women on here who have made me see I AM NOT IN THE WRONG!!! 

THANK YOU ALL!!!

Quoting AmyB118:

She has every right to be pissed about her DH planning her day for her and telling her what she WILL do.  Read on....SS has already wrecked a vehicle and not told anyone about it previously.

OSS21 and I don't really get along.  He's stolen from us, lied to us, about us, said horrible things about me, etc.  I CHOOSE not to have a relationship w/him beyond "Hi, how are you".  I do not, however, dictate how DH and OSS have THEIR relationship.  I only ask that I be kept out of theirs.  OSS has a chip on his shoulder and a sense of entitlement.  He is NOT entitled to anything I have - I believe he needs to EARN what he wants.  OSS's GF is pregnant.....not my problem.  OSS doesn't have a car, OSS delivers pizzas for a living this time b/c he never finished HS (too lazy and too lazy to get his GED), GF works part time at a convenience store and they live w/my MIL (they pay no bills - they expect everyone else to support them).  I've already told DH I personally will not be supporting them or their baby - they made it, they can figure it out on their own.  If DH wants to help them, he can do so w/his extra money - after OUR bills are paid.  My money? Not going to them.

Sounds like OP's SS is similar.  OP stated she works part time and gets CS so it seems as tho she's contributing to the household financially.  OP is fully within her right to tell her DH all about himself and the shitty way she was treated.  If her DH wanted that shit done then he needs to figure out how to do it himself, not expect his wife to do it.  SS is NOT her child - she has her own to raise (which you pointed out).  Just b/c he wasn't around when SS was growing up doesn't give the SS the right to demand that BF do things for him nor feel entitled to what his father has earned by his own hard work.  SS should get  a damn job, get his own car and contribute to his own life.  DH should be kissing her ass for a month of Sundays for treating her like he did.

Quoting macbudsmom:

Your husband is supporting and raising your 2 kids he has no obligation to and you have the nerve to suggest that it is wrong that he helps his son and that the son seems to have a sense of entitlement??? His SON is entitled to his father's love and support. It is not the child's fault his mother ran off with him.


Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

DH is #1 income. He makes the money, he supports. I run a horse rescue in my spare time.

After we talked lastnight he has come to understand how I feel we are being used, he said to me that he cant help but try to please because for 19 years he did not p ay for SS.

I said tough, if SS felt that way once he turned 18 he had the chance to take DH for Cunpaid child support and SS did not choose to do that, instead he moves in and expects the world!!!




heathercm26
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:33 AM
Simple really. You and dh sit down and write up reasonable terms to live by. Rules of the house.....like you can stay gere if u can show me a monthly statement from a bank savings account that you are saving x amount of money each.month toward a security deposit. You will find a job. Get a car. Do these chores. Be quiet at these times. You will not even ask for additional money. U will contribute this much for groceries at least. U will be pleasant and a good house guest. You will do your laundry on tuesdays and fridays to avoid my laundry days. You will cook these days. You will baby sit these days. You will apply for this many jobs per week. You will comply with these requests in a pleasant way and with out having to be asked again and again.

This is the only way to live happily with another couple. Boundries. Expectations. Mutual respect.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
heathercm26
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:37 AM
You and dh need to make it clear what u are willing to give. Clear to each other and clear to his man child and the gf.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TheMomOf3-00
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:44 AM

I LOVE this post!!!

I will be doing this for sure, to write it out we can hand it to them and if they wish to go to their room to read it than so be it, I will request that it be discussed at some point before the weekend is over!!!

Quoting heathercm26:

Simple really. You and dh sit down and write up reasonable terms to live by. Rules of the house.....like you can stay gere if u can show me a monthly statement from a bank savings account that you are saving x amount of money each.month toward a security deposit. You will find a job. Get a car. Do these chores. Be quiet at these times. You will not even ask for additional money. U will contribute this much for groceries at least. U will be pleasant and a good house guest. You will do your laundry on tuesdays and fridays to avoid my laundry days. You will cook these days. You will baby sit these days. You will apply for this many jobs per week. You will comply with these requests in a pleasant way and with out having to be asked again and again.

This is the only way to live happily with another couple. Boundries. Expectations. Mutual respect.


ShannaBee
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:10 PM

I would be frustrated too. (((hugs)))

heathercm26
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:36 PM
These are not unreasonable. You will not be required to police the situation or define whats acceptable all the time. It shows your dh u are reasonable.

Its sunday night. How did it go?


Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

I LOVE this post!!!

I will be doing this for sure, to write it out we can hand it to them and if they wish to go to their room to read it than so be it, I will request that it be discussed at some point before the weekend is over!!!


Quoting heathercm26:

Simple really. You and dh sit down and write up reasonable terms to live by. Rules of the house.....like you can stay gere if u can show me a monthly statement from a bank savings account that you are saving x amount of money each.month toward a security deposit. You will find a job. Get a car. Do these chores. Be quiet at these times. You will not even ask for additional money. U will contribute this much for groceries at least. U will be pleasant and a good house guest. You will do your laundry on tuesdays and fridays to avoid my laundry days. You will cook these days. You will baby sit these days. You will apply for this many jobs per week. You will comply with these requests in a pleasant way and with out having to be asked again and again.



This is the only way to live happily with another couple. Boundries. Expectations. Mutual respect.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:56 PM

 my SO knows better than to expect any of this shit from me.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)