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When a BD & SM split up

Posted by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:22 PM
  • 44 Replies
I just recently found out that DD's dad split up from SM. I was actually sad to hear this. DD has formed such a bond with her. She messaged me that she moved back into town with her daughter (DD's half sister). I invited them over so DD could see them. I have developed a good relationship with SM and become close over the years. Is it wrong to continue having a friendship and allowing the kids to play together? Just because she is no longer the SM does that mean she shouldn't be around DD? Her dad lives 15hrs away and DD & her sister both live here, so she has a better chance to bond with her this way. I guess since everyone involved (me, SO, ex SM & BD) have no problems with it then its fine. Its just an odd situation I guess lol.
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by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rebeccasmly
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:34 PM

I see no problems with it. :-)

jessiesluv
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:35 PM
3 moms liked this

I think it's great you want to help her continue her relationship with her SM.

Props to you!

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:39 PM

no, I think it's nice of you.

my DH has a good relationship with his ex's ex-boyfriend (BM's live-in boyfriend for about two years, they broke up about a year ago), and he arranges to have the kids see the former-live-in bofriend (former "SF" I guess you could say). I don't think BM likes it too much but oh well, it's not up to her.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:58 PM
I felt the same way when BF and SM broke up. I reached out to her. I only wished I had checked with BF first. What if SM did something really horrible and he just never let me know? What if maintaining contact with her caused issues between DDs and BF? Reality is, DDs relationship with their dad is more important than their relationship with SM. Fortunately, BF had no issues with what I did.
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LucyHarper
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:03 PM

She's the mother of her sibling, so I'm sure they will still be around each other and should still be around each other. My husband and I discussed it, before I adopted my stepson, we had no intentions of ever breaking up but just in case we planned ahead. I'm the only mother my stepson has ever known, if we got a divorce and I was no longer allowed to see him, that would be devastating on him. My husband is a great father, he would never use his son as a punishment, his son comes first, so if we broke up he wouldn't refuse to let us see each other out of spite, that would just be cruel to our son. We were living like a birth family so we decided to follow the rules of a birth family, we got a contract that said if we were to divorce, I would get visitation with my stepson and I also want to pay child support.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this
She is the mother of your child's sister. No it is not wrong. Sure there might be some people (meaning BD) that might not like it but the bond between your dd and her dd is important. Do what you can for your child and if you and SM get along, that makes it even easier to remain 'friends'.

My grandmothers are the best of friend's. One is biological and one is by marriage. Although my grandfather died 15 years ago, my step grandma was in our lives for 30 years (well not my life bc I was younger and not born yet when they married but in the family)
They talk almost daily and lived together for a few years before they both had to move in with someone else for care. Their relationship was never based on the man they had in common, it was based on the children and grandchildren and now it's based on each other..
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kellynh
by Kelly on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:35 PM
I think it's great!!
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:39 PM
So for everyone that thinks it is great, what if you add more confusion and conflict for a child because BF has chosen to cut off all ties with SM? What is your responsibility now?

Do you think embracing SM could be a passive aggressive way of hurting/getting back at/ proving BF wrong? Is it really any of your business?
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kkkaaayyyy
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:43 PM

If the kids love her than by all means do it!

mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 1:44 PM
I think its more for the kids to have a sibling relationship and that's great.


Quoting pdxmum:

So for everyone that thinks it is great, what if you add more confusion and conflict for a child because BF has chosen to cut off all ties with SM? What is your responsibility now?



Do you think embracing SM could be a passive aggressive way of hurting/getting back at/ proving BF wrong? Is it really any of your business?

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