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No One Understands......

Posted by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:05 PM
  • 13 Replies

I am at a loss as to what to do and have figured out today that no one understand where I am coming from nor do they want too they just want me to except things they way they are and be happy with it or just tell everyone to go to hell.

My SD has done everything in her power to turn everyone against me for something I did not even start. My DH got upset because he had been asking her for over a 2 months to spend one holiday with us so we could see her and the kids. (in 5 yrs she had only spent one with us the rest with her mom) Well they get into it and all the sudden everything turned on me.

My oldest son and his future wife have been right in the middle of this mess saying they are not in anything yet anything I have said infront of them goes down to her house and some of these things were said to me in what I thought was betweeen me and them and I never took it any farther then that. It has gotten to the point that I am afraid to do or say anything that might upset someone or get taken down to her house. (she has told this part of her family except for my oldest son she wants nothing to do with us) Her father's heart is broken but he told he that he was just not going to put up with her treating me like crap over something that was between them.

But Thursday I had something to my son because my SD has gotten to where she post things on his facebook just to upset me. The first words out of his mouth was if you don't like it don't read it, so I told him that I would just deleted him and there was a few more things I was going to back off on and that just made things even worse. For months now I walk around my own home on eggshells and that is a horrible feeling in your own home. I have to back away if for no other reason then my own sanity but have been told by my son that I am just pushing him away. I am so sick of the drama and fighting, I just want to get away from it because if it is not my SD attacking me, it is someone else in my DH family. (people I have not came face to face with in years). Today it got worse because my DH blow up at me for even talking about things and being as he is the only one that I really have to talk to kind of made me feel like shit. Told me that I just needed to tell everyone to f*ckoff and walk away from them and I just can't see that as a answer....... 

by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jessiesluv
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 8:58 PM

Why is your own son telling your sd things? That seems odd to me.

I do think you need to quit reading the facebook posts or defriend them if you know they are saying things to upset you.

Let dh deal with his daughter. I know it hurts you when he hurts, but the best thing to do  is to back off so that you aren't blamed anymore.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 9:02 PM
Guys handle drama differently. They don't care enough to get involved and wallow in it, so you taking everything personally seems like a bunch of BS. This is why the crap women get into with one another just never seems to happen between men. They either take it to blows, walk away, come to an agreement, or beat the hell out of each other and shake hands afterward. But dwell in it? No.

Your son has told you what most experienced SMs would tell you here: Stop reading Facebook! If you know it will upset you, then don't look. And your DH isn't wrong either. If they're harassing you, you can either tolerate it (in which case you shouldn't complain) or do something about it (tell them to fuck off). You do have that choice. If you're not comfortable with confrontation, just block them all from communicating with you... ignore the calls, texts or emails, and don't be friends on FB. Eliminate them from your personal realm unless you want them there.
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E_is_4_Ethan
by Platinum Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 10:38 PM

That really made me LOL.

Not because it's funny, but because my DH says the same thing.

Quote:

Told me that I just needed to tell everyone to f*ckoff and walk away from them

sweettxt1
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 11:34 PM

This would be easy but that is where the problem started, is when I told him I was going to delete upset was not the word for it. They come over to the house at least once a week and they whole time I am here I walk around hoping I don't say anything to start crap. Seem they have found a way to make a big deal out of the smallest things.

SD is no long allowed in our home and that was DH choice not mine. It is very hard to ingore when they just keep throwing things in your face. After all the issues with her we have had with her we have even decided to walk away from the grandkids because she is the type to use them against you and we refuse to hurt the kids or let her hurt because of us. For some reason when she decided to disown the family, my oldest was the only one she has refused to piss off.

Quoting Derdriu:


Your son has told you what most experienced SMs would tell you here: Stop reading Facebook! If you know it will upset you, then don't look. And your DH isn't wrong either. If they're harassing you, you can either tolerate it (in which case you shouldn't complain) or do something about it (tell them to fuck off). You do have that choice. If you're not comfortable with confrontation, just block them all from communicating with you... ignore the calls, texts or emails, and don't be friends on FB. Eliminate them from your personal realm unless you want them there.


kkkaaayyyy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:16 AM

You should try to ignore their drama and act SO HAPPY when they come over. Have a big smile on your face, do the dishes, do your laundry.. clean the counters etc. Just pretend to be the happiest person ever... like you had a revelation. I don't really have anyone to talk to eaither due to moving a long way from my hometown and not having any friends besides my DF. My DF's BM is like that with me, and she always is making threats, bringing people over to watch me when she picks up my SS. I know it will be hard but maybe just give it a try. You don't need to look anyone in the face while doing it just be in your own little world with an Ipod and be the happiest camper there is. If it doesn't work.. Maybe take some time away from them and visit a friend or get out of town. Sorry you have to go through all that.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:26 AM
1 mom liked this
So it's a breaking point and you need to stop. Pull back. Get distance. Stop walking on eggshells. Be polite. Be respectful to others and be an adult.

When people talk to you about sd.... "I've decided that her feelings are hers. I'm sorry she feels them. It's time for me to live my life". And do it. Son, I love you, and I know sd is angry. But those are her feelings. I don't want to hear about facebook,. This has gone on for too long and I am done. She can make drama. I will not participate and do not want to hear it.

Dh, she is either polite and respectful or she will not be here when you are not. And I will start making alternate plans for holidays. I'm sorry, but this is your mess to deal with.

Step back. Drop the rope. And moment by moment rebuild your life. Stop living the life sd and dh designed for you. Be yourself. Be your own. And be kind to yourself dh, your kids and even sd. Just stop participating. Put on a step ford wives smile when the shit comes up and politely leave the room. Sit down with a nice book.

Or come on here and growl. We won't tell...lol
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 8:49 AM
1 mom liked this

why does there have to be drama? Your son was right, I agree with him. Stop reading SD's facebook if it upsets you.

Stop asking her to come over for holidays. She doesn't want to come. Respect that.

ETA: wait, I see it was DH asking her to come, not you. But then I see she is not allowed in your home. How can he be asking her to come if she's not allowed in your home?  This story is complicated.

USBrit
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 8:54 AM

I agree with DH, except for the language. I would not tell anyone anything. I would just back completely away. If they truly are the problem they will have to find someone else to draw into their drama. Some people thrive on that and if they can't get it from you, they will go else where. I think that you should stay off their facebook pages period.

lilangilyn
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:39 AM
1 mom liked this

Thre is a way to block things so that you can keep people as friends, but you don't see their posts. I think you need to withdraw from everyone for a bit and regroup. I think your DH has a good answer, actually. Not only this: was just not going to put up with her treating me like crap, but this as well: Told me that I just needed to tell everyone to f*ckoff and walk away from them

Sometimes in life, we will not get the family we want. We get the family that has occured. Because of divorce, changing alliances, PAS, and other things, human beings don't turn out the way we hoped they would. I would hate to see your relationship with your DH go downhill because you are clinging to some kind of dream family. Embrace what you do have, which seems to be a DH with his head on straight.

sweettxt1
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:24 AM

It isn't her facebook I am reading it is my son's, I deleted her back in April. Before April things had some tension but nothing like it is now.

Quoting whatIknownow:

why does there have to be drama? Your son was right, I agree with him. Stop reading SD's facebook if it upsets you.

Stop asking her to come over for holidays. She doesn't want to come. Respect that.

ETA: wait, I see it was DH asking her to come, not you. But then I see she is not allowed in your home. How can he be asking her to come if she's not allowed in your home?  This story is complicated.


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