Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

OK.  So I have a question.  Say that your sd (age 6 at the time) asks for pictures of her&her family here (which includes me, sm)  for her to keep in her room at her moms house.  If she herself was given about 40 pictures to choose from, and chose one of her and her dad, one of dad and sm (me), one of all of us, and one of just her dad, would it be reasonable to say that she wants those pictures there, they should stay there?  Or does BM have the right to throw them away?  (not give them back, but get rid of them).  

 

I'd just like some perspective and opinions.  Thanks! :) 

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:15 PM
Replies (21-30):
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:48 AM
What was painful was that he was severely PAS-Ed by his mother. He didn't speak to his father until he was in his mid twenties bc his mother wouldn't allow any contact from the time he was 6 months old. He never met his father before he died two years ago had only spOken to him on the phone. It is painful that his mother put her own selfish feelings above the well being of her son. And he has payed the price for her choices and behavior.


Quoting USBrit:

This is wonderful that you saw this for what it was, BUT what if this OP BM acts just like your DH mother did. How hurtful for a little child to deal with. Just really a tough thing to know what will happen if you even suspect that a BM will have a meltdown about it, to me it is just better to avoid the pain that the child may endure, as your husband did and still to this day remembers as very painful. :(

Quoting MommySabs:

Personally related anecdote- when dh and I bought our home together he encouraged dss and my boys to hang a photo of the ops in their rooms. I was shocked and against it at first. He explained he was never allowed to have a picture of his father in his room growing up. He tried a couple of times and his mother not only took them down but torn them up and forbid him from having any phonics of his dad. Until his father sent him some a few ears ago he didn't have any.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:51 AM

I'd let her take the pictures. Maybe make a little album for her. 

BM could throw them away I suppose, but I would hope she wouldn't be so petty. 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:54 AM

In another group I'm in, there was a post recently about a stepchild wanting to keep a picture of his mother (or maybe a pic with BM in it) in his room, in his drawer, out of sight, and the poster (SM) said no way, she would not allow any pics of BM in her house at all. Not even in a drawer in the child's room.

I personally think that's just plain sick. But a lot of other SMs agreed with her.

Quoting MrsMama030912:

Whether or not its reasonable is purely a matter of opinion. You think not, while obviously bm thinks so. I'm guessing. And it also depends on your sitch with the bm. But in all seriousness I would hope a bm would allow their children to have a picture of their dad with their family in their room. 
MrsMama030912
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:13 AM
That is sick! That is also petty ,immature and very very selfish. Even at our worst times I wouldn't have minded if sd had pictures of her mom.


Quoting whatIknownow:

In another group I'm in, there was a post recently about a stepchild wanting to keep a picture of his mother (or maybe a pic with BM in it) in his room, in his drawer, out of sight, and the poster (SM) said no way, she would not allow any pics of BM in her house at all. Not even in a drawer in the child's room.

I personally think that's just plain sick. But a lot of other SMs agreed with her.


Quoting MrsMama030912:

Whether or not its reasonable is purely a matter of opinion. You think not, while obviously bm thinks so. I'm guessing. And it also depends on your sitch with the bm. But in all seriousness I would hope a bm would allow their children to have a picture of their dad with their family in their room. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomGoingCrazy78
by Lindy Lou on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:15 AM

Hell here I am trying to find pics of my DH, BM, and SD together in them!!! I guess I have the opposite problem- nobody has any really.

I think it's pretty petty of BM to throw away the picture, but it is what it is. Look on the bright side, at least she didn't throw them all away!!!

SP_Mama
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:24 AM

She should have given the pictures back instead of throwing them away.  DH's CO actually states that SS is to have a picture of the other bio-parent in his room at each house.  I don't see the problem with it either.  It's their personal space.

newstepmom61811
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:27 AM

SD12, as much turmoil as she has with BM, has pictures of her that she puts up and down of her in her room depending on how much she is fighting with her. I forgot about it until this post jogged my memory. It's her space, her business. I know where I stand with SD. I have family pictures all over the house of DH, me, and the SKs. The only picture of just me and DH is our wedding picture. The kids love it, we're family. Never in a million years would I dream of interfering if the kids want pictures of mom in their rooms...it has no impact on me whatsoever, why would I need to interfere...and the reverse is true...if a kid wants pictures of dad and his side of the family in the room at mom's, I'm not seeing how this is an issue...

Quoting MrsMama030912:

That is sick! That is also petty ,immature and very very selfish. Even at our worst times I wouldn't have minded if sd had pictures of her mom.


Quoting whatIknownow:

In another group I'm in, there was a post recently about a stepchild wanting to keep a picture of his mother (or maybe a pic with BM in it) in his room, in his drawer, out of sight, and the poster (SM) said no way, she would not allow any pics of BM in her house at all. Not even in a drawer in the child's room.

I personally think that's just plain sick. But a lot of other SMs agreed with her.


Quoting MrsMama030912:

Whether or not its reasonable is purely a matter of opinion. You think not, while obviously bm thinks so. I'm guessing. And it also depends on your sitch with the bm. But in all seriousness I would hope a bm would allow their children to have a picture of their dad with their family in their room. 


WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:29 AM

SS's live with me and they both have pictures of BM and their brother and sister in their rooms.  Dh would never dream of throwing them away.  When she was CP and they only saw DS EOWE they had to hide the pic they had of him in fear she wouldn't allow it.

mrsboomtastic
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:25 AM
I think bm over reacted & needs to get over herself
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Chaoz_Girl7311
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:02 PM
It should NEVER be about what makes BM BF SM or SF happy. It should be about what makes the CHILD happy, at any age!! And if a either parent or their SO were to say "no you can't have a picture like that hanging in your room" that opens the door for the child to potentially lose respect for that parent
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured